


Cleaning Old Wounds

by Polkahotness



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood, Imprinting, Other, Paternity, Post-Breaking Dawn, Twilight Renaissance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2020-10-11 17:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 56,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20550101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polkahotness/pseuds/Polkahotness
Summary: All his life, Embry has wondered who his biological father was, and after phasing, he's known it could only be 1 of 3 people. As years have passed, he's buried this knowledge and decided he'd rather live life in the dark than learn the life-changing truth. But when a mysterious man shows up at his doorstep, he'll have to face his demons- and his mother's -once and for all. Post Breaking Dawn.-ON HIATUS WHILE I FIX MINOR PLOT THINGS-





	1. The Worst Christmas Gift I Never Asked For

Christmastime at the Call's. It isn't that special-- considering we don't really have family besides the two of us; just me and good ole Ma baking cookies in the kitchen. It's kind of become a tradition. Outside, it snows; the gentle sounds of the wind whipping against the house making the windows creek adding to the sounds of the television playing Christmas carols on whatever public access channel it is that plays the yule log. 

Not gonna lie, I always thought yule logs were overrated and pretty cheesy-- the only thing good about them is seeing the person change the log and sometimes have to continually stoke it because they screw it up and it keeps falling out of the fireplace but that only happens once in a blue moon and it isn't like we watch it regularly enough to catch those rare occasions. 

Nah, Ma and I spend our time in the kitchen baking cookies, or rather, attempting to bake cookies. Let me rephrase that, Ma bakes the cookies, I make a mess. Despite her many years of forcing me in there to do what she calls 'mother-son-bonding' I usually just end up making a mess and while trying my best, I'm kind of cooking impaired. It doesn't matter much to her though, she's just happy to spend time with me I think.

Especially these passed few years. 

Things hadn't been so easy since I'd started the whole phasing-into-a-giant-wolf-dealio and hiding it from her which basically meant that she thought I was running off and doing drugs and God knows what else she imagined in her spare time. I was always grounded, even though now I was in my twenties, but I was still living under her roof so technically I was under permanent grounding, but it wasn't really enforced anymore. 

I just always received lectures and the occasional stink eye as I left the house. 

Oh! And my door was never allowed to be shut. That was a pretty fun perk of the whole 'Embry is in the crazy rebellion stage of his life' thing. 

But I figured her thinking I was being rebellious was a heck of a lot better than the alternative of finding out that I transformed into a giant WOLF in my spare time. And if she found out about the huge animal part of my life I was hiding, then she'd have to finally come clean about the whole who's-my-daddy portion of my life she's been keeping secret since my birth and then we'd have to have this enormous, incredibly awkward conversation I've been trying to avoid... it just isn't worth it. I'd rather her think I'm on drugs and ground me eternally than have to deal with all that family drama. 

I don't want to make her feel unnecessarily uncomfortable. She'd end up telling me all this junk about my family that I know she doesn't even want to tell me in the first place, so why bring it up? They clearly have no interest in our lives as I've never heard from them or met them in my entire life. My Ma is all I need in my life-- she's all the family I've ever had and ever really want to be honest. I can choose the rest of my family. That's good enough for me. 

I looked over at the recipe book that was sitting propped open on the kitchen counter and squinted down at the tiny printed words on the page and read it aloud so my Ma could hear from where she was gathering ingredients just a few feet away from me. 

“3 cups all purpose flour. ¾ teaspoon baking powder. ¼ teaspoon salt. 1 cup unsalted butter. 1 cup sugar-- Jesus Ma, is this the same recipe as last year?” I asked while turning around to look at her. She merely laughed while balancing a bowl full of miscellaneous supplies and an armful of cookie cutters and frosting of various colors in the other arm, while walking towards me. “Just keep reading, Embry. I think I have most of what we need right here.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” I replied halfheartedly before turning around to return to the recipe book and continue reading from the recipe. “1 egg beaten. 1 tablespoon milk. Powdered sugar, for rolling out dough. You got all that?” 

“I think so?” her voice wasn't very confident, but I didn't bother to look and summarized the first instruction from the book. 

“So we have to sift together the flour, baking powder, and the salt-- wait –salt... salt in cookies? Did I say salt in the ingredients?” I wondered aloud while reaching a finger out to skim the ingredients list again and furrowed my brow in concentration as I searched for the word on the page. 

Ma chuckled from behind me and grabbed the container of salt and the teaspoon measuring thingy she had collected earlier and waved it in front of my face. “Yes, Embry. You said salt.” She shook her head and put her hands on her hips. “Honestly, how is it we make cookies every year for over 2 decades and you still can't remember the ingredients it takes to make a batch of sugar cookies?” 

I stood up from hunching over the counter to look at the recipe book and crossed my arms tightly over my chest while looking blankly down at her. “Maybe because I'm not a baker and I have a bad memory, okay?” I said with sarcasm and a slight smirk tugging at my lips. “Can we get back to the cookies now?” 

In the background, I heard the song change on the yule log to one of our favorites-- Carol of the Bells –The crazy hardcore David Foster version. I smiled to myself remembering the memories I had of being young and sitting in my car seat of my Ma's old, shitty van. She used to have the song on this old cassette tape that she'd used to tape it off of the radio just for me because I liked it so much and during the Christmas season, she'd always break it out and play it for me at full blast and we'd jam out and laugh like crazy, just the two of us having fun being weird and enjoying ourselves. 

It was so simple back then. No secrets. Nothing to worry about. Just me and her, against the world.  
How times had changed. 

I shook my head and refocused my attention to the task at hand; allowing the memory to fade back into the recesses of my mind-- expertly filed away for another time and another place. Preferably one where my Ma wasn't literally right beside me trying to get me to talk to her and pretend like nothing is wrong and we aren't hiding things from each other and everything is completely normal. 

Yeah. Like THAT'LL ever happen. 

After sifting all the... stuff... I read the next instruction in the book quickly to myself under my breath. “Add milk and egg and beat to combine in the mixer, blah blah blah...” I poured everything into the mixer and turned it on before my Ma could even think to stop me. 

“Wait, Embry!” She attempted, but it was too late. 

Flour went everywhere as apparently, you have to start slow so everything can mix together or something so the flour doesn't just go and attack you. You'd think I would have learned. 

Standing in the kitchen, the two of us covered in flour and tiny bits of egg as the mixer continued to spin, our mouths stayed ajar in shock at what had just happened. I sighed and closed my mouth while nodding my head slowly. 

“So...” I started, “that was... unfortunate.” 

Ma turned to look at me and I thought she was going to start yelling at me. I mean, this passed week alone, we must have been in at least 8 different arguments, but looking at my face covered in flour, a smile overtook her face and she busted out laughing which in turn, made me laugh. 

“Your... your face!” she managed through the laughter. 

I chortled loudly and pointed at her own mug, “MY face? YOUR face!” I laughed back at her. 

The music in the background changed once more from the loud boisterous song of my childhood to the quiet sounds of my mother's-- one that softened her laughter and flooded her with memories of her own. 

“Oh...” she cooed once she recognized the familiar melody of 'In the Bleak Midwinter' by a favorite band of mine-- Jars of Clay, “This takes me back...” a melancholy smile slowly painted over her expression and she was lost to whatever she was remembering-- something she obviously wasn't going to share with me. 

Which was fine, because at that moment a loud knock resounded through the house. 

I glanced over at my Ma in slight confusion as to who the hell would want to come and visit the two of us of all people, but she shrugged, so I reached up to wipe some of the flour off of my face and made my way out of the kitchen and towards the front door. 

It didn't take me long to make the short distance to the door and pull it open with ease; a gust of wind attacking me from the frozen tundra that was the outside world trying to force it's way in to our warm house in the middle of December at night. 

In front of me stood a man who appeared to be in his late twenties. He was tall, maybe my height, and his skin was dark russet like mine. His features were similar to my own and his hair was just as dark as mine, though longer and unkempt; probably from being exposed to the crazy wind that was blowing like mad. The man's eyes though... there was something about them; they bore through me and they looked so hurt and so sad . It was like there was some hidden story behind them like one of those abused dogs on the Sarah McLachlan commercials where she sings about angels or whatever that my Ma always has to change the channel on because she ends up crying during them because they're just too sad to watch. 

I stood there for a moment staring at the mysterious man in front of me and looked him up and down trying to figure out who he was. After he didn't say anything, I decided maybe he was waiting for me to, so I cleared my throat and tried to sound polite. “Can I... Can I help you?” 

The man swallowed hard and looked down at his feet as if struggling to find the right words to say. “I uh... I...” He tried, and I took a deep breath trying to remain patient with this random dude standing on our front porch. I figured he must be homeless or something. Felt bad for him. 

“Embry?” Ma suddenly called from the kitchen and the dude's head shot up instantly at the sound of her voice which I thought was pretty weird. She came out from the kitchen while wiping her face on a towel, “Who's at the--” she said but stopped as soon as the towel was moved from her face and she locked eyes with the man standing in front of me, “--door.” 

“Hello, Tiffany” the man said shyly and I looked between the two of them in complete confusion; my eyes finally settling on my Ma as I pointed over my shoulder to the man who was, might I repeat, was still standing outside on the porch. 

“Ma... you know this guy?” I was bewildered. She'd never mentioned people from her past and now some random person clearly from her past had found her and shown up at our door looking for her. I think I deserved an explanation. 

But she didn't give me an explanation. Instead, she shook her head in disbelief and stuttered out some response directed at the guy as if I hadn't said a word to her and frankly, didn't even exist. “I-I... It's impossible. You... You don't look a day older from when we first met. And that was...?”

“Years ago,” the man finished for her. “I know.” 

“Ma,” I was growing impatient. And angry. “Who is this.” 

She continued to ignore me and instead started walking towards us (him). “Why are you here? I mean... why are you here, now? After all these years?” I was disgusted by the way she was looking at this man. She was almost hypnotized by him like some moth to a flame. It was gross and really weird. 

But I couldn't stop watching because I had to know who this guy was and what the hell he was doing here AND, most importantly, what his mysterious history was with my Ma. 

“I know it seems sudden, and I can explain,” the man tried, “but-” 

I was quick to cut him off, my hand reaching out to keep the two of them apart as I closed my eyes to try and keep my brain focused on whatever the hell was happening in front of me. 

“Ma!” I exclaimed. “Before anyone explains anything to anyone, you had better explain to me, your son who the hell this guy is real quick or I'm... I'm...” I could feel my body shaking as if I were going to lose control at any second and I couldn't figure out why I was having such a hard time keeping myself from losing it. I mean... what even was this guy to me? Why was he affecting me like this? 

“Embry, honey,” Ma started calmly, almost too calmly and that's when I knew exactly why it was affecting me so entirely. “This is Joshua Uley. He's... well... he's your father.”


	2. A Uley Family Reunion

I blinked twice, my thoughts ricocheting off of the insides of my skull like a million bouncy balls- the kinds you get out of old gumball machines for 25 cents a pop. "I'm sorry," I said, completely unapologetic and more so out of complete confusion at the situation I had been thrust in. "Did you say Joshua _Uley_, as in _Sam_ Uley?" I emphasized the name and the man I now had a name for sighed sadly and nodded his head while biting his lip in what I'm sure was shame.

At least I _hoped_ it was shame because this was the man who had, oh, I don't know, _abandoned _his family some 30 odd years ago and now, as I'm finding out, went and impregnated my _mom_ and abandoned her too.

He seemed like a real winner.

My body was now shaking wildly and I couldn't help but reach up to run my trembling hands through my hair in agitation as my Ma took careful steps toward me and tried to grab my shoulder in an effort to help calm me down.

"Embry, it's okay. I know it's a lot to take in, but you'll get through this," she tried in a soothing voice, but I wasn't having it. I was too far gone.

"A lot to take in? A lot to take in?" I repeated to her, my voice growing louder with each word that I spoke. "No, Ma. A lot to take in is finding out that Santa isn't real on Christmas day or-or...or that I'm like secretly related to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or something. Not that dear old dad here not only shows up on our doorstep two days to Christmas freakin' day looking no older than me which- I'll admit -is pretty weird," I couldn't get the words out fast enough and I was pacing back and forth, my body starting to almost convulse from all the information overload that I'd been trying to avoid my entire life. A phase was coming on, and I wasn't going to be able to avoid it. I had to get out of there... but I couldn't stop talking. "But what's weirder is that he's the dad AND WIFE to oh, I don't know, SAM ULEY, MA! SAM ULEY! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!"

I was full blown yelling. I huffed loudly and pushed passed Joshua to walk out onto the porch and into the frigid air blowing around my overheating body. Of course though, my Ma just _had_ to follow me outside.

"Embry, come back inside please!" She called out over the roaring of the wind shouting just above her voice. "We can all talk about this!"

I threw my arms up in the air in exasperation. "What's there to talk about, Ma?" I yelled back at her, but not because of the noise from the wind; I was far louder than that. "You _clearly_ had no problem hiding all of this from me my _entire life_ so what makes you want to talk about it now?" I smirked and gestured towards Joshua who I couldn't help but notice was now standing between Ma and myself which frankly agitated me even further. "Does the fact that _he's_ here have anything to do with your sudden honesty streak? What, _now_ you wanna get it all off your chest, Ma? Well gee, how fucking thoughtful of you!"

Joshua turned to look at me and held his hands up defensively and said calmly, "Embry, why don't you take some deep breaths and just calm down, okay? We wouldn't want you doing anything rash."

This made me burst out laughing, but not because anything he said was even remotely funny. "Oh, you suddenly want to be a father to me now, Joshua?" I practically spit in his face. "What, you think I'm going to hurt my Ma? Like you did?" That seemed to hurt him so I continued as if the words I said were knives I could force through his body; each letter of every word sharpened to a tip that could cut his emotional flesh with just a single prick of my well constructed sentence. "Well I may be your son by blood, but I am _not _you, Joshua Uley. I would _never _hurt my mother the way you did. I might not have been around to remember any of it, but I'm not dumb either. You may have gotten her pregnant, but you are nothing but a donor. You are _not_ my father. You are _nothing_ and you'd better leave or you'll regret it I can assure you that."

I was mere inches from his face at this point but he didn't seem threatened, he seemed sad. I was huffing and puffing like the freakin' big bad wolf and he wasn't even shaking in his boots from fear. He merely stood firmly in place, cool as a goddamn cucumber.

It just pissed me off even more.

We stood for what felt like forever like this, right in each other's faces, until Ma tried to break the tension from where she still stood in the doorway while pulling her sweater tightly around her body to try and stay from freezing.

"Please," she pleaded with us as we stood stoically on the porch, "come inside you two. We can discuss this rationally. Like adults."

I shook my head, my eyes locked on Joshua's. "I'm not interested in anything he has to say to me. And frankly Ma," my eyes shifted to look over his shoulder and directly at where she was standing, "you shouldn't either."

With that, I looked back at Joshua for a split second before turning around altogether and retreating for the woods just outside our house; my hands clenching into tight, shaking fists while I stalked away from where the two of them remained stunned.

"Embry!" Ma called after me. "Embry! Come back!" She hollered over the moaning wind that beckoned me.

"It's okay, Tiff," I heard Joshua tell her and I only started to walk faster at the sound of his voice trying to comfort my Ma. He had no right to be here and try to pick up where he left off. He had no right to just come into our lives again. "He'll come back."

"Pfft," I sounded to myself as I picked up the pace and jogged into the treeline, my figure disappearing to them altogether.

Just as the shadows of the trees covered me and the wind stopped slapping my body as hard as it had when I was exposed a few moments ago, I heard my Ma call out faintly, "You could at least take your jacket, Embry!" She sounded worried. "You'll freeze half to death!" I knew she was worried, but I would come back... eventually.

For now, I couldn't risk phasing in front of her or Joshua, not that I wouldn't mind hurting Joshua if I was being honest with myself, but I'd never forgive myself if I hurt my Ma or gave up the secret of my whole wolf persona I'd been keeping from her for years now. Talk about a lot to take in...

Once I was deep in the woods, I started peeling off my clothing article by article and tossing it aside except for my pants which I stopped to tie around my ankle (a little trick so as not to lose pants so often or destroy them- one would be amazed at the budget lost on clothes alone for an average Quileute shapeshifter these days) and then I allowed the heat that had been growing in my body since Joshua showed up to overtake me as I exploded into the wolf that had been chomping at the bits to get out and run wild.

As my large paws galloped through the thick snow accumulating on the ground beneath me, my lungs inhaled deeply before letting out a loud howl in hopes of getting the attention of either Jake or Quil- they were usually good at distinguishing mine from the others. I was just praying that I wouldn't attract Sam because if he were to show up... there was no promising I'd be able to mask my thoughts well enough for him to not realize Papa Josh was in town again.

And there was no telling what Sam would do if he found out his dad was back in La Push- to both me and to Joshua.

It was just so shitty that all this was happening. After Sam and Emily had their first kid a couple years back, Sam conceded his pack to Jake so we were all one pack again. I think he just figured it was wise because he had a family now and as far as we all knew, he was planning to stop phasing soon so he could grow old and stuff for his family, which I guess made sense cause he was looking pretty young for a 30 something year old honestly.

However, Joshua Uley being in town sort of complicated things. If he realized that he was hanging around, it could tear the packs apart again. Sam might continue phasing for all anyone knew and tear his _own_ family apart.

_Hell, he might even kill me. Which at this point, might just be a favor to me in lieu of all this family drama nonsense._

_Who's killing you, now? _Jake wondered from inside my head and while I was relieved it was only Jake and not Sam who answered my one-way-howl, I was afraid for his reaction to what he was about to find out.

Quickly, I caught him up to speed with what had all went down at my house just moments before in a flash of images of Joshua Uley and a lovely repeat of my dear old Ma telling me that he was my long lost dad.

Needless to say, Jake was 'shook' as the kids say these days.

_Holy shit, Bry. That's... wow, _was his reaction.

_What's wow? _Quil chimed in from inside our heads and I stopped walking from where I was in the middle of woods to huff out in annoyance and think loudly.

_I am NOT reliving all of that again for his sake. Jake?_

_Oh. You want me to tell him? Right. _He thought and then paused before coming out with my secret very bluntly which, to be fair, was pretty much the only way Jake knew how. _Sam's dad showed up at his doorstep and it turns out that he's his father. His mom broke the news to him like 20 minutes ago._

_No fuckin' WAY man! I totally knew it! _He thought in almost excitement before quickly rethinking, _I mean, I'm really sorry that sounds... traumatic._

_Quil! What the hell, man! _Jake scolded.

_Okay, first off- _I started, but Quil was quick to stop me and apologize for what he was pretty sure he knew I was going to address next as we all met up in the clearing in the woods where we typically met for wolf-meetings.

_I know, I know. It was insensitive, my thought about knowing it and all. _We met up in an almost circle though Jake was closer to me than Quil as he faced me head on while he continued his thought process. _To be fair though, you DO have a direct line to my thoughts and it was just the first one that popped into my head. I really didn't mean to be rude or anything. I really am sorry, man. I can't imagine how hard this is._

I glanced around the clearing as if to make sure nobody else was showing up that we just hadn't heard in our thoughts and huffed out my nose; the wisps of my breath dancing out of my snout and into the air like smoke from the chill of the air. _Its fine. I know you didn't mean anything by it. I'm just really worried that Sam will-_

_Sam will what?_

_Sam. _All three of us thought at once and it was completely impossible to shield our thoughts from repeating what had been told mere moments before his thoughts entered our own. Instantly images of Joshua on my doorstep circled through mine, Jake's and Quil's brains like mirrors reflecting the same image around and around in a nonstop chain of unfortunate gif-like fashion. It was horrifying because within literal seconds we heard his footsteps bounding through the woods and it was seconds only after that before he found us in the clearing and wouldn't you know, he attacked me right there and I was on the ground rolling about with Sam, my brother, Uley.

_What are you DOING man! Get OFF of me! _I shouted in my head, but he wouldn't let up and we growled at each other as we tussled in the snow biting at each others fur; our fur lodging in the others in a tight grip.

_You're LYING! _He thought back to me as we rolled further and he bit down hard on my shoulder which made me yelp in pain.

_Why would I lie about something like THAT?!_ I tried to defend myself but apparently there was no need because another wolf of dark gray color bound quickly into the clearing and leaped in the middle of our fight; this wolf was intent on breaking the two of us up and it wasn't long before all of us realized just who was hiding inside the mind of this particular animal.

_You have GOT to be kidding me_, I thought which was when Joshua Uley's thoughts entered our minds.

_You two have to give it a rest, _he begged and Sam growled at him; his stance planted and his head low as if ready to pounce at any given moment on his father. _Son... Please..._

_I am NOT your son, _Sam growled from his thoughts. _You gave up the right to call me that when you left me. When you left my mother._

_I know. And I'm sorry. Truly. _He sounded sorry, but Sam wasn't having any of it.

_I don't want your apologies. Your words mean nothing to me. I should kill you for what you've done to my family. _He was threatening him and we could hear his thoughts and his intentions. We could tell that Sam really was going to kill him.

_Sam, _Jake thought coolly but he wasn't paying attention and instead bared his teeth to Joshua. I tried to get closer to Sam and he turned to me and snarled in my direction.

_Don't even THINK about it Embry, _he thought coldly before returning his attention back to his father, _you should leave. You all should leave._

_That's enough! _Jake was using his alpha tone now and everyone- even Joshua -couldn't help but follow his command and back down immediately. _Sam, go home, NOW. Cool off and we'll deal with this once you've had time to think about this properly and talk with Emily. Quil, just... go home or something. Honestly this doesn't even concern you._

Quil offered me an empathetic look before turning around and running off into the distance as Sam glared at both Joshua and I then took off to disappear in the opposite direction entirely. Joshua looked to me sadly as Jake looked on almost territorial.

_I'm sorry, kid, _he thought but I looked away from him in a totally different direction from where Quil and Sam had gone- it was in the direction of where we usually went cliff diving. I could tell from Jake's thoughts he knew what I was thinking and with a slight nod of his head he gave me the okay to leave which was all I need to bolt away from the clearing and let my feet do the thinking for me; my mind going completely blank so Joshua couldn't follow me and neither could Sam. Once I was close enough to walk but far enough to not be seen by anyone, I phased so I didn't have to worry about anyone picking around inside my brain and pulled up my shorts in one swift move.

Walking slowly, I made my way to the edge of the cliff and carefully sat down so my feet dangled in the drop off. I glanced down at the frozen water below me and sighed feeling for the first time a wave of emotion I wasn't used to experiencing bubbling up inside of me. It wasn't the usual heat accompanied by shaking and then phasing like I had felt so many times before. This was cool and numb like the ice below me. It slowly crept up inside of me like hoarfrost on the branches of a tree or Jack Frost on the glass of a window; working it's way through my bloodstream until it made it's way to my tear ducts and finally overflowed through my lids and spilled onto my cheeks.

I was crying.

I was crying, because I was sad.

I mean, I was angry- I was _really _angry -but I was also really sad and I didn't entirely understand why either.

Maybe because I hadn't asked for this. Maybe because I had avoided this moment for so long and yet, it had found me anyway. So many years of hiding and lying and keeping secrets all for everything to come out in the open anyway. It seemed like such a waste now.

What was I going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's song: "Phantom" - Circa Survive
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this chapter. New chapter will be posted next week!


	3. A Sacrificial Wolf for the Bonfire

I ended up hiding away in the woods for a few days, much to Ma's dismay and probably the rest of the pack. I'd skipped Christmas, but to be fair I wasn't really in the celebrating mood... so not only had I worried her to the Nth degree but I probably pissed her off like I'd never done before in the process. And as for the pack? It wasn't like I really knew what was going on with them as I had avoided phasing when the sun started to set because I knew they'd probably be waiting for that to pry in my mind and hunt me down like a lost puppy.

But I wasn't lost. I was purposefully going in the places I knew they wouldn't check. I knew exactly which days who was patrolling and where they patrolled so I knew where they would be looking for me. It was pretty easy to lay low on the outskirts of the regular patrol and if Jake and Quil knew better, they knew to leave me the hell alone and I'd come back on my own. I didn't need anybody out looking for me... I just needed some alone time to organize my thoughts and figure out what in the world I was going to do about Joshua and Sam but most of all my Ma.

I didn't want to have to break everything to her about the shapeshifting thing. Frankly, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want me to have to tell her because it's not the kind of thing you want to hear from your son. "Hey Ma, just so you know, I'm not actually going through a rebellious phase you know. The only phase I'm going through is that I phase into a giant wolf in my spare time and, you know, kill vampires when it's necessary so they don't destroy the entire town as we know it. No biggie."

Yeah. I'm pretty sure she'd rather me be out doing drugs or robbing stores or something. At least then she could send me off to a treatment center or I could go to jail or something and I could fix my ways.

But there's really no 'fixing' what I am. Even if I stopped phasing, the gene is still in my blood and I guess that kinda makes me a freak- a real monster. My Ma has a monster for a son.

Though after three days of being on the lam, it was time to go home and face the not-so-literal monster that was my mother who was undoubtedly afraid her one and only son had off and completely ran away never to return or even worse had died altogether. And on CHRISTMAS. I'd sure made a mess of things...I had to fix it in the best way I could and that meant starting with showing back up to show Ma that I was still alive in the very least.

Against my better judgment, I slowly trudged my way through the snow and made my way passed the treeline that broke at our property line; Ma quick to apparently spot me through the front window where I had guessed she'd set up camp to wait for me. The door burst open and she came running towards me without a coat on, nearly attacking me in a giant hug that nearly made me fall over. She thrust her entire weight upon me while sobbing in my neck but I couldn't bring myself to hug her back no matter how much I'd missed her while being gone.

"Embry!" She managed through muffled sobs into my warm skin. "How could you do that to me? I was worried sick!"

I sighed deeply and reached up a lone hand to pat at her back a couple of times. "I know, Ma. I'm... I'm sorry."

After a few minutes she finally tore herself away from me and looked me dead in the eye with a serious look while wiping at her tear-stained cheeks. "You didn't even bring your cellphone Embry, what is _wrong_ with you?" She was scolding me and I simply broke eye contact from her to look down at my feet shamefully and frowned.

"I didn't mean to worry you I just needed some...time," I muttered but she wasn't letting me off easy, she never did.

She grabbed me by my upper arm and pointed behind her towards the house. "You get inside and go up to your room. You're- You're..." She sighed realizing that saying the word 'grounded' never seemed to mean anything these days and ultimately never worked so she let go of my arm and dropped her pointed finger and relaxed slightly; her tone of voice calming as she shook her head more to herself than anything. "Just get inside, it's freezing out here."

So inside we went without so much as another word between us. She bypassed me once we were inside to make her way into the kitchen where it looked as though she was making tea or something- a typical thing she did in the early afternoons on her days off, but I found my eyes drawn to the Christmas tree that was still up. My eyes drifted down to the bottom of the tree where the few presents we had planned to exchange with each other sat unopened; a glum reminder of my Ma's favorite holiday which I'd ruined with my dramatic exit which only caused her worry and probably endless nights of staying up to fall asleep on the couch with the television on. I could practically hear the ghostly echoes of her sobbing from where I stood .

I closed my eyes for a moment in shame at the knowledge of what I'd done and turned my head to force myself to face the direction of the stairs leading up to my room. With a sigh, I walked towards them and solemnly climbed the wooden steps up to my messy habitat, instantly flopping down on my bed which was still unkempt from the last time I'd slept in it days ago. I stared up at the raised dots which mimicked braille on my ceiling and I tried to make pictures out of them like some old connect the dots worksheet in an activity book from when I was a kid. Faintly, I could hear the muffled sounds of Ma's voice wafting through the house; her disjointed sentences floating up to my room where I could just make out her words well enough to know what she was saying and to who.

"Hey yeah...me...No he just...in...Yeah..." My eyes shifted to look over at the entrance to my room to where her voice was coming in from as if by looking in that direction it would somehow help me hear better. I focused on controlling my breathing to to silent, quick breaths so I could really hone in to the words she was saying over the telephone. "Right, right...Well, thanks for the concern, Joshua...I'm sure it...fine...I'll do that. Sure...Goodbye."

Softly I shut my eyes and huffed out the breath I didn't realize I'd been holding since I'd heard her speak his name; my fingers finding their way to press hard on top of my eyelids and pull down slowly as if I could rip my skin clear off but all it really did was force my eyes open and probably make my face look really funny if anyone were to watch me.

I heard the familiar buzzing of my phone and I dropped my hands from my face to the bed and turned my head to see that while I was gone, Ma had apparently discovered my cellphone had been left here and decided to plug it in for me upon my arrival home. With a heavy sigh, I reached an arm out to grab and yank out the charger only to see a parade of notifications stare back at me from the screen.

"48 missed calls," I read to myself as I unlocked the phone and smirked. "I'm impressed. Let's see who gets the gold star for most persistent..." I muttered while going to my recent calls screen and shaking my head minimally and dropping the phone, still in hand, to my side.

"Figures it'd be you, Ma," I said to my ceiling and closed my eyes again not wanting to deal with the mess I'd seemingly created for myself.

I really felt bad for worrying her like I had. It really wasn't what I meant to do. If I hadn't felt like I was going to explode into a furry nightmare there on the doorstep, I would have thought to bring along my damn phone but I kind of was thinking about not hurting anyone and exposing the world's weirdest family secret. But in true Embry fashion, I'd screwed up in trying to protect my Ma. Maybe I was more like Joshua than I'd like to admit.

My body shot up from the bed into a seated position at that though.

_Absolutely not,_ I thought to myself immediately. I wouldn't allow myself to think I had _anything_ in common with that jerk other than DNA. He may have provided the sperm, but that was all I was going to accept in terms of fatherhood when it came to Joshua Uley. He wasn't a father to me. He hadn't raised me- my Ma had. He hadn't offered me anything. He wasn't there when we barely had anything to eat or money for gas or when I was out borrowing school supplies from my friends because Ma didn't make enough money at her souvenir store job to get me any of my own. He hadn't helped with anything. He hadn't helped Ma change my diapers or hold her hand when she had to give birth to me or deal with me when I first phased and started sneaking out and started worrying her to no end. She's all alone in all of this and she's never had anyone to help her with anything. There's nobody stronger than my Ma as far as I'm concerned.

Thinking about him staking claim in any part of my life or Ma's started an itch inside of me that I couldn't scratch and it rose under my skin like a familiar heat that made my blood start to boil in a way I knew didn't end well if I wasn't safely tucked away in the shadows of the woods. Needless to say, I was pretty glad when my phone buzzed again while in my hand and I was forced to pay attention to the text message blinking on my screen from Jake.

_**Jake: **_Hello? You'd better not be ignoring your best friend in the entire world who is 100% better than Quil or I'll come over there and kick your ass in person. And that's a Jacob Black guarantee.

I quickly clicked back into my messages screen to see the message he had sent previously that I'd ignored and opened it.

_**Jake: **_A little birdie named Embry's mom texted me that you're back safe and sound.

I rolled my eyes and hit 'reply,' my fingers tapping away on the screen to craft my message in response to him before he thought I was genuinely ignoring him.

_**Me: **_First off, you sound like an infomercial with your guarantee and 100% shit. Second, Embry's mom has a name you know. And third, yeah, I'm safe and sound. Lucky me.

It didn't take Jake long to answer me back. Whatever it was he was trying to get at, it must be important to sit around and wait for me to respond to him.

_**Jake: **_You're damn right you're lucky. I called the wolf cavalry off on you and practically begged your mom not to call the police so...you know... YOU'RE WELCOME. ;)

I rolled my eyes at his usage of the winky-face emoji staring up at me from the screen and I could tell he had been waiting to tease me about my little escapade probably since I took off. I had to face it- Jake knew me too well and part of that meant that he knew I'd be back.

_**Me: **_OK sure, thank you.

I hit send and waited for a second before quickly typing another message and hitting send once more.

_**Me: **_I know you're trying to get at something so what is it?

I watched as the chat message dots lit up at the bottom of the screen which signaled to me that he was typing some long message and I waited impatiently for him to finish. After a solid 2 minutes (seriously, he may be my best friend, but the guy takes 10 years to compose his thoughts if he's trying to be serious about something) I looked away at the phone and instead looked up at the wall in front of me that was littered with old pictures from way back when. I studied each picture as they stared back at me, every one some memory that seemed from another lifetime as I'd put them all up before I'd phased- back when I had more time and life wasn't about keeping secrets and worrying about who had given me this curse I was saddled with. The pictures represented a time of innocence; a time of laughter and endless adventures. They were times of friendship not hinged with imprinting or alphas or vampires or the possibility of immortality and eventual death... we were all just kids living our lives together and making memories. Mud pies and dirt bikes and sand castles and beaches and...and-

My phone buzzed in my hand and I blinked rapidly to pull myself away from the faded pictures curling against my walls of my bedroom. I glanced down at my phone alight in my hand and opened up the two messages from Jake I hadn't opened yet.

_**Jake: **_You're right, I won't lie to you. I've been worried, okay? I mean, we all have, Bry. Why don't you come down to First Beach tonight, ok? 7pm. I know it's winter and all but we need a place to meet that isn't in someone's house. Besides, we can get a bonfire going and it can be like old times, right? What do you say?

_**Jake: **_Seriously, Embry? You can't possibly be that busy right now. I know your mom probably has you on a pretty tight leash right now.

I stared at the last message in a deadpan as if it were Jake himself and as if he were inside my head at that very moment, another message popped up instantly.

_**Jake: **_...no pun intended

I frowned knowing even if I said no Jake was sure to make an appearance at my house and find some way to get me out of staying home- Ma adored Jacob. Since her and his mom Sarah had been real tight before she died, she always thought he was this great influence on me. I tapped on my screen aimlessly for a few moments before hitting 'reply' and typing my one word response:

_**Me: **_Fine.

And with that, I set my alarm for the appropriate time and then tossed my phone onto the floor beside my bed only to promptly take a nap until the sound of my ringtone awoke me.

* * *

By 7pm it was dead cold outside as I walked up to First Beach on the La Push reservation. Most of the wind had subsided and the flat air surrounded me in an eerie sort of silence as I took large strides down the beach front toward the large bonfire up ahead where Jake and whoever else he had invited were hanging out. My hands were stuffed into the pockets of my maroon zip up hoodie which Ma had practically forced onto my body before I had sweet talked my way out the door after I woke up from my nap. I mean sure, it was winter and all, but I was never cold- part of the perks of being a wolf and all but I guess Ma didn't really know any better and she _was_ just trying to make sure I didn't catch my death of cold.

Honestly, I'd have better luck freezing to death in Florida or something.

Either way, I walked up to the group of shadowed people whose facial features became clearer to me the closer I reached. There was a lot more people than I had imagined Jake was going to invite. I guessed from the way Jake was talking to me earlier it would only be a few of us, maybe the originals from Jake's pack before we merged but not...not _this _many people.

It wasn't until I saw one face in particular that my eyes widened and I shook my head pivoted on my foot to make a 180 and turn the opposite way and start walking back from where I came from.

"Nope," I said, though Jake was hot on my trail and quick to jog after me in an effort to get me to stay. "Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Jake- NO," I argued as he grabbed hold of my arm and tried to pull me back to sit with the group already seated around the large fire dancing in the frigid air.

"C'mon, Bry, this is a good idea," he encouraged softly in almost a whisper, "you know, get out the animosity and talk things out."

I looked at him with a sarcastic sort of smile and wide eyes filled with mock interest. "Mmhm, mmhm," I hummed while nodding my head for a moment before swiping my arm back out of his grasp and then changing my facial expression to one of complete betrayal and mild concern. "And _I'm _telling you that this is a completely _horrible _idea. Might be your worst."

"Bry..." he said in almost a scolding tone while slinging an arm over my shoulder and then started to drag me over to the circle of eyes watching the two of us, "Just give it a shot? Sam's agreed to give it a shot, haven't you? I mean, he's here, right?"

I looked over to Sam who was sitting with a less-than-thrilled look on his face and his arms crossed tightly over his chest but he hadn't attacked me yet so that was encouraging.

"Alright," I drug out the word for a moment while looking around the circle at everyone who Jake had gathered in an almost intervention-type setting that made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. "But...why is everyone else here? This feels...really weird, honestly."

"What an astute observation, Embry," Leah said with heavy sarcasm while extending her hands in a presenting sort of fashion before dropping them to her sides to help her stand from where she was seated next to her brother, Seth. "In fact, it was the same observation that I too made and very clearly stated to Jacob when he told us we would all meet here to watch you two deal with your daddy issues which, might I remind all of you, in no way concerns any of us. So, may I reiterate, what _are_ we doing here exactly, Chief Jacob, your honor? Why _are_ we here, exactly?"

Seth looked up at his sister with wide eyes before forcing out the most awkward laugh I've ever heard in my entire life and reached up to grab Leah's arm. Through that laugh, he proceeded to yank her down to sit beside him once again, though she was quick to shake his grip off as Jake cleared his throat to answer the wildly facetious comment she'd made as Seth leaned over to her and whispered, "What is _up _with you tonight, Leah?"

"Honestly Leah?" He replied with slight disbelief in his tone while dropping his arm from around me knowing I wasn't going anywhere, at least not yet. "I thought I was pretty clear when you brought this up last time." He reached up to rub at the bridge of his nose before taking a deep breath and addressing the entire group instead of singling out Leah even though she was the only one who seemed to care about the answer. "We are here to support Sam and Embry because they are family-"

Sam was quick to glare at Jake as his eyes widened at the words he had just used and I dropped my head back and pursed my lips while staring up at the dark sky while waiting to hear how he was going to apologize for _that_ one.

"Sorry," Jake stated directly afterwards, "that was probably a poor choice of words given the situation _but_-"

"But?" Sam repeated.

"Oh, this'll be good," Leah murmured with a slight smirk and Quil dramatically started to point in Leah's direction and chimed in.

"It _will _be good, you see, because what Jake is _trying_ to say is that we are, in a more hypothetical sense not quite as directly as Sam and Embry, a family, right Jake?" he offered him a cheesy smile and through his teeth he said the word 'segue...'

I rolled my eyes and literally facepalmed myself but held my hand on my forehead as if to shield myself from the embarrassment stacking up against me.

"Quil?" Jake exclaimed but in a more questioning sort of way. "I got this, okay?" Quil held his hands up as if to surrender and Jake put his hands on his hips and stood his ground as a more serious tone took over in his voice. "Look. We're working this out, you got it? I'm not about to have this pack divided again just when we got it all back and..." he sighed and his voice grew softer, "...and just when I'm about to leave."

At that moment, the group began talking over each other, an eruption of words indistinguishable of individual voices asking question after question. I stared at him in shock, Quil and I the only people at a loss for words, and Jake looked at us sympathetically before becoming so overwhelmed by the ruckus that he finally had no choice but to shout over the noise to silence everybody. "GUYS! Everyone, just... just SHUT IT! SERIOUSLY!" Soon, the sound of the crackling fire returned to play in the background of our gathering and Jake resumed his normal volume.

"I wasn't going to tell you guys like this, okay? But I guess now is as good a time as any," Jake looked down at his feet and reached a hand up to run through his hair before sighing and giving a quick explanation. "The Cullens are moving again. I guess they've stayed here for their length of time or something and obviously Ness is going with them and so I'm-I'm going with too. You guys know why."

"But," Seth started, "what about the pack?" He asked in a quiet voice.

Jake shrugged. "My beta will take over. You guys will be fine. And, I imagine without any more of them around, there won't be a need for our kind to phase as often."

"Wait, wait, wait," Leah halted him while shaking her head rapidly and trying to put everything together. "Your beta? As in...me? You're giving the pack...to me? You're kidding."

"Damn right he's kidding," Paul flat out answered for Jake and Leah shot him a glare.

"Shut your mouth, Paul. I wasn't talking to you." Leah retorted and Paul leaned into the circle in her direction while gesturing towards her but looking at Jake.

"You can't give her control of the pack, Jacob. Listen to her! She doesn't even want it! She'll run us into the ground."

Leah narrowed her eyes in Paul's direction. "Who said I didn't want it? Did I say those words? Did I say those exact words or did you shove them into my mouth, pretty boy?"

"It's my decision, Paul," Jake finalized while ignoring Leah's comment. "She's not only my beta but she's the best for the job."

"Best for the job?" Paul was laughing while saying the words and I couldn't help but feel anger for the way he was reacting to the idea of Leah being alpha. "She's a woman! She won't be able to run this pack the way-"

I cut him off before he could even think about which words to use to finish his bound-to-be sexist comment. "Leah can run the pack just as well as anybody, woman or not, okay Paul? And I know you, we all know you. You aren't even a sexist guy, you're just pissed that Jake didn't pick you or literally anyone else besides Leah. Quit being butthurt, accept his decision because guess what? Jake is STILL the alpha right now, and stop treating Leah like she's less than human just because you don't care for her because you're still angry she dared to have feelings about what went down literal years ago with her and Sam. Just stop."

The group grew quiet and Leah stared at me for a long while without having a single comment to make in her own defense for sticking up for her without her permission which was rare for her. After a minute, Jake decided to finish what he had been trying to say in the first place. "So anyway," he said, "we're leaving sometime in the new year and this wasn't where I wanted to announce that but there's that and now that that's out of the way, I can finish my speech about ancestors and how we aren't our ancestors mistakes and," he stopped and sighed before taking a seat on a nearby log. "Honestly? Can you two just stop blaming each other for what your father did to the other?" He asked the two of us and I scoffed.

"Dude, I'm not blaming anyone. Honestly, Sam was about ready to kill his own dad- you were there- you heard his thoughts," I pointed out and Sam scoffed from where he sat on the log with his arms still crossed.

Seth chimed in at my statement as if trying to rear the conversation in another direction, "Yeah, Quil told me that you guys were able to _hear_ Joshua's thoughts... is that true?"

Jake nodded his head while furrowing his brow. "Mmhm. We were."

"But why?" Seth asked again and Jake looked to Quil who shrugged his shoulders, but Seth was hot on the case. "Do you think it's the kind of thing where, he made the conscious choice to join your pack or something like Leah and I did and so he just went into your brains?"

"Honestly, Seth I don't-" Jake tried, but Seth just continued with his thought process out loud.

"_Or_ do you think that because he didn't have an alpha or anything it was like when Sam stepped down as alpha and everyone was sucked into the same pack so we all heard each other's thoughts again?" He waited for confirmation of his theories and Jake sighed while shrugging his shoulders.

"Seth, really, I have no idea how the whole thought thing works. I don't think there's an actual science behind it. Who knows how it really works, it just sort of...happened."

"Does that mean that he's like... part of our pack now?" Seth asked quietly for fear of Sam's reaction and he was right to be afraid.

"He is _not_ one of us," Sam was quick to snap back and Seth seemed to curl into himself as Leah turned her head to shoot a death glare in Sam's direction though he didn't take much notice to her.

"And frankly," Sam added, "What does any of this have to do with anything?" Sam exclaimed and I turned to face him from where I stood. "I'm actually more interested in why Embry had to bring up the fact that I was going to kill Joshua. Why should _you_ care what I was going to do with that traitor?"

"Did you ever think that maybe I'm a little pissed off too, Sam?" I asked him. "Don't you think I'm pretty fucking angry that he did all the shit he's done and now just shows back up to play dad to not just you, but also me like he has some _right_ to us or something? Don't you think _I _want to hurt him too? But you didn't see me attacking you or ready to _literally _kill him because, oh, I don't know, IT'S WRONG."

Sam began to laugh out loud as everyone in the entire group looked on in horror as if they were watching some soap opera unfold in front of their very eyes. "Wrong? Wrong, Embry? You want to tell _me_ what's right and wrong? I'll tell you what's _wrong_, Embry, wrong is abandoning your family and running off to god knows where without so much as a goodbye or a single phone call home so anyone even knows if you are still alive!" He smiled an evil sort of smile because he knew what he was doing when he said that. "That's right, I'm not just talking about my father, I'm talking about that stunt you pulled over Christmas, _Bry. _We practically had to wrap your own mother in swaddling clothes and rock her to sleep from her worry over you." He laughed at his own joke and shook his head. "We may share a father, but at least I didn't turn out like him, pulling the same moves he pulls and all."

I clenched my jaw and narrowed my eyes while taking a step towards him. "You take that _back_," I practically growled in his direction.

"Embry..." Jake cautioned, but I wasn't listening to him, I was focused on Sam who was focused on me.

"You sure you don't feel like attacking me, Embry? Or is that beneath you?" He egged me on and I pursed my lips trying to control myself. It was just what he wanted, anyway.

"No, Sam. I'm not going to attack you. After all, I know that's just what you want so you can have a reason to fight back seeing as you just want another round after the first one in which I was attacked for literally just bothering to be born, right?" Jake knew I was treading in rough waters and, in hindsight, I did too but I didn't care.

Sam piped up at my comment and shook his head while countering, "Maybe it's because you're the reason my father left me and my mother, so yeah Embry. Maybe it _is_ because you were born."

"Sam, c'mon man," someone else from the circle called out to him but I wasn't even paying attention to who was trying to stop the inevitable fight that was clearly about to break out between the two of us.

I couldn't help but turn and face him from where I stood, my hands buried in the pockets of my sweatshirt to hide the balled up fists that were my hands only growing tighter with every word I spoke. "Is that why, Sam? Did you ask him? Cause I'm curious to know. Tell us all, please, because I'm sure everybody is just dying to know about this conversation the two of you had."

Sam stood up from his spot on the log by the fire to face me then, "Did _you_ talk to him, Embry? What other possible reason is there other than that my father went out and had a bastard son with your mother?"

I felt my jaw clench at the word he used as a slight to me and I thanked _his_ lucky stars he didn't decide to use some less-than-kind descriptive words about my Ma or he would not be conscious right then, that was for sure. Even so, my body's reaction was to take steps towards him so I was mere inches from his face within seconds. "_What _did you say?" I practically dared him to repeat the words and he raised his brows as if to intimidate me, egging me on.

Quil was fast to jump up from his spot opposite of where we were in each other's faces and rush to try and break us up before this turned into something physical while Jake tried to calm everyone else down as they talked about various things- what would happen with the pack when Jake was gone, whether or not Leah would make a good alpha, who would win in the fight: Sam or me.

All the while, I couldn't help but hear Leah in the background say, "You know what? I take back everything I said before. This was totally worth coming out for. In fact, I say we do this more often, what do you say, Sethy?"

To which Seth responded, "Leah...seriously?" And he jumped up from his spot to try and help Quil get between Sam and me even though we really weren't doing anything besides staring at each other and willing the other to throw the first punch or something.

"You know what?" Jake finally said after a few chaotic moments, "Embry- you were right! This was a total disaster in literally every way possible and I hate giving alpha orders but you two-" he pointed at Sam and me. "-you are not to talk to each other until something is figured out about Joshua. Got it?"

"Gladly," Sam answered while turning away from me.

"Whatever," I agreed while turning away from him.

"And in the meantime, maybe you _both, _but probably not at the same time, should find Joshua and talk to him or something." Jake then suggested and we both looked at him like he was completely crazy because, let's be honest, he actually might be with a suggestion like that.

"Absolutely not!" Sam shouted in response.

"Yeah right!" I scoffed.

"And why not? How _else_ are we going to figure out what he's doing here exactly?" Jake questioned and I pulled my hood up over my head to prepare myself for my walk home because I had no intentions of staying at this bonfire a single minute longer.

"I can tell you right now why Joshua Uley is in La Push and I don't have to talk to him to find out either," I stated while exchanging a look between Sam and Jake. "He's here to ruin my life." I then turned around to begin walking back home; the wind beginning to pick up and slapping my face. As I walked, I added to my sentence the way I'd wanted to back at the bonfire but didn't have the guts to for fear of being attacked again by Sam because he wouldn't understand that his mom wasn't the only person to be hurt by Joshua Uley.

"He's here to ruin my life," I repeated to myself as I walked, "And my Ma's. All over again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's Song: "Nesting Dolls" - Circa Survive 
> 
> Please drop me a comment so I know how you're liking the story-- I'd really appreciate some feedback 
> 
> xo  
Polkahotness


	4. I Wish This Was Just A Phase, Ma

I'm not sure what made me go back to the very spot that catastrophe had struck the night before at Jake's bonfire on the frozen sands of First Beach, but there I was, sitting on a log around the long dead embers from the previous night's fire. Despite my body temperature permanently hanging out around a toasty 108.9 degrees, I could feel a chill dance up my spine and I burrowed inside the hoodie I was still wearing from last night.

I knew that gathering was going to be a complete bust. The second I'd seen Sam I knew it wasn't going to work. I mean, how could it? Hell, if I was in his position, I'd probably be just as bitter and pissed off to see my face around town too. It was probably just a reminder to him now that he knew just what I meant in his life- I was a grim reminder of the life he could have maybe had if I hadn't been born. As I sat on the log and fixated on one particular blackend piece of wood from the charred fire pit, I let my mind wander to when my life first changed all those years ago- to when everything turned upside down and I knew nothing would ever be the same again.

"_Are you seriously freaking out about that, Ma? Really? A dish that I left out ONE TIME?" I asked from where I sat on the couch listening to her as she dramatically washed dishes in the sink from the kitchen._

"_Embry, it isn't just this one time," she argued back in a calmer tone than my own but with disdain in her voice, "it's all the time. You're old enough to know how bring your dishes to the kitchen and rinse them off to put them in the dishwasher. You're lucky we _have_ a dishwasher. When I was your age-"_

_I scoffed as she started her familiar anecdote that I'd heard a million times before. "Here we go again," I said as I'd said every time before when she started that story while throwing my arms up in the air in exasperation. "Honestly, Ma, I get it!" I shouted while standing up from the couch. "You're old and in the ancient civilization in which you lived, you didn't have all the great things that I have the privilege of having and I should take advantage, blah, blah, blah, OKAY! Are we DONE?!" I started walking into the kitchen to face her where she stood in shock watching me shake from pure rage._

"_It's just that I work all day and then I come home and this house is a mess. Why should I work all day long at the souvenir store and then have to clean up after you like you're still a child, Embry? You want to be treated like an adult, then act like one." She sounded tired and I wanted to apologize but something inside of me was building and it was like I wasn't in control of myself anymore. A fury like I'd never felt before was making the very blood in my veins boil like water in a pot and I clenched my fists tight as if the action itself would help me contain the anger that was so unlike who I was bubbling inside of me._

"_I'm just so tired of having to do everything all by myself," she said sadly and I wanted so badly to end the fight and apologize for yelling. I wanted to just do the dishes for her and tell her to take a load off and that I'd do better. But I couldn't. Something wasn't allowing me to. So instead- I shouted some more._

"_Well MAYBE you should have THOUGHT about that before you went and had me then, Ma! Was I just some big mistake for you? Huh? Sorry I'm such a big inconvenience for you!" I spit the words at her and I could practically see her heart break in front of me; her eyes welling up before me._

"_Embry, no- no, you're not a mistake-" She tried, but it was too late, I had already turned around, completely ashamed of what I'd said but powerless to stop whatever was happening inside of me. I felt like my body was going to implode, or explode, or... plode of some kind. I had to get out of the house before something happened; something that I might regret but I didn't know what._

"_I gotta go," I mumbled while rushing to the door and slamming it open to rush outside into the spring air that greeted me while Ma called out desperately for me to come back, but I was practically sprinting away from the house with no real destination in sight._

Maybe I'll go to Jake's, _I thought as I ran into the woods in the general direction of his house, my feet pushing one foot in front of the other as quickly as possible trying to gain distance from my Ma so I at least wouldn't keep hurting her like I had with the horrible things I had said. _Maybe I'll just stay away for a while so I can cool off..._I thought next, that idea sounding better than the idea to visit Jake, but even that idea didn't sound ideal because the fire in my blood just continued to build and soon I was panicking. Nothing that I did made it stop. My heart raced and my breathing escalated and soon I thought I might die. Was this death? Was this a heart attack? Do people die this young from heart attacks? Is that even possible?_

_I stopped at a clearing in the woods and looked around at my surroundings, the trees seeming to spin around me. I could see the blood vessels in my eyeballs grow from the sides of my vision like the roots of a tree crowd my line of sight. What was happening? Was this a panic attack? I looked at my hands as they shook and I clenched them into fists that only shook harder. The rage consumed me entirely until my eyes closed so tightly it was as if my entire body tightened and then tensed so hard I exploded into a million pieces._

_And then I opened my eyes again._

_Relief._

What just happened? _I thought to myself. _Am I...dead? _I wondered to myself. That's when I heard it- another voice inside my head; a voice that I didn't recognize as my own._

Did you just hear that? Is that someone else? _The voice said and I turned my head to look around me, but I didn't see anyone. I was still alone in the clearing._

I definitely heard it, _another voice said, and I turned my head in the other direction but I still didn't see anybody so I went to ask who was there, only to be met with the sudden realization that I was unable to speak- the only thing coming out of my mouth a weird sort of yelping noise that a dog makes like when you accidentally step on it's foot._

What is..._I thought to myself as soon as I heard the noise come out of what apparently was my mouth to which at that point, a third, more authoritative voice spoke up inside my head._

Someone else has phased, _the voice told the other two voices, _we have to find him. Where are you? Tell me what you see, _the third voice asked me, but I didn't answer, as far as I was concerned, I was going crazy and this was all just a dream or I was dead, or I was having some kind of psychotic break or something._

_Instead of answering the voice asking questions in my head, I nervously looked down at what I was hoping were my feet only to find huge gray paws looking up at me. _Oh my GOD! WHAT THE HELL! _I thought but all that came out of my mouth was a loud howl and I took off running through the trees in search of the stream of water I knew was out there somewhere- it was the same stream Jake, Quil and I used to go to when we were younger and goof off at. Apparently just by thinking of that memory though, the other voices in my head could see where I was headed and knew how to find me._

He's headed for the stream! _The third voice announced to the other two._

Get out of my head! _I told the voices, but they didn't care._

We're trying to help you man! _The first voice tried to tell me but I didn't listen. I pushed myself to keep running, my legs running as fast as they would take me through the trees until I finally reached the stream and came to a sudden halt. Slowly, I walked up to the water and looked down into my reflection in the water staring up at me- a huge gray wolf with dark spots dotted on the fur in a haphazard fashion._

_I stared down at the reflection for a long time in complete shock until three other wolves manifested in the reflection behind me which immediately made me turn around and back up in fear, though I clearly had nothing to be afraid of._

Calm down, _one of them said to me, I recognized it to be the third of the voices I'd heard which was the more authoritative one of the voices in my head. _We aren't going to hurt you, we just want to help.

What's going on? What happened to me? Why am I like this? Why are YOU like this? Am I cursed? Is this some kind of, fairytale thing? _Questions poured out of me faster than they could answer. _Oh god, this isn't one of those 'true love's kiss' sort of deals is it? What am I going to tell my mom? I don't even have a girlfriend... nobody's going to want to kiss a big hairy wolf... Is this like Shrek? Do I change back at sunrise or something? Or is it like-

MAN, Sam, please tell me I wasn't this annoying when I first phased? _The first voice who was apparently the smaller brown wolf, asked the large black wolf which I deduced because he looked at him when the voice sounded in my head._

_That meant that the large black wolf was the authoritative third voice in my head because he was the one who answered him back in my head. _Jared, be nice. He doesn't know what's going on.

To be fair, neither do we, _the second voice who, by process of elimination had to be the dark silver-y wolf standing on the other side of the black wolf I now knew to be as Sam. _Who is this guy? Didn't you say the next people we should keep our eye out on would be Jacob Black and that friend of his, Quil Ateara? They're in the bloodline not... whoever this is.

_My mind raced which they probably all saw. Quil? Jake? My best friends? What did they have to do with this? They were going to turn into...THIS? My god... I had to tell them! I had to warn them!_

No. You can't do that. _Sam said and I felt compelled to follow what he told me, like I had no choice in the matter. _This is a secret and when their time comes, it will happen for them. Until then, there is much you have to learn about this new life. But first... Who are you?

Embry Call. _I answered which made them all exchange a glance._

Embry Call, _Sam repeated, _As in, Tiffany Call's son? Tiffany Call who moved here from the Makah tribe?

Yeah, that's right... _I thought not entirely sure what the big deal was about in terms of where she came from. _Hey, what did you mean when you said Jake and Quil were in the bloodline? _I couldn't help but ask._

_This time, the first voice I now knew as Jared answered me. _Only those who are decedents from the original Quileute ancestors carry the gene to shapeshift- so those are the only people we were expecting to do the whole... wolf thing.

Well I don't really know who my real dad is so- _I tried to shrug it off, but it wasn't that easy to do anymore. Before this it could be any number of people because there are millions of people in the world but this new information narrowed it down to three very specific people... three people with whom my Ma definitely could have had relations with.  
_

I mean, sure, _you_ don't know who your dad is, but it really can only be one of three people since you're, well, one of us now and you clearly carry the shapeshifting gene. _The silver wolf, who I hadn't caught the name of yet, thought._

Paul, don't... _Sam warned, but he continued anyway._

And I mean, given your age and all that, the only real options are Billy Black, Quil Ateara IV or... well... _Paul stopped and looked at Sam who merely turned around and began walking back into the woods._

Let's go, Embry, _Sam thought as he walked away. _There's much to learn that is far more important that trivial town gossip. _He glared at Paul for a split second before leading us back into the trees that made up the dense woods where the paternity of my father wasn't mentioned again... at least not for a while._

I blinked my eyes rapidly to pull myself out of the memory that had flooded my subconscious.

Of course I later learned that my possible father behind door number three was none other than Joshua Uley, who, surprise surprise, turned out to be the one I ended up 'winning' after all. Not that I really won him, I'd consider him more of a consolation prize, if a prize at all.

I had to hand it to Sam though, he was really good about not thinking about who my dad could be when in wolf form. He managed better than others and was always really good about not treating me any differently even though he had every right. I knew I was the outsider of their exclusive club that, while I was a part of it, I didn't really belong in it, and furthermore I didn't really want to be in it in the _first_ place. Yet somehow- there I was in their stinkin' club nonetheless... completely trapped by my own cursed blood that I didn't even know I had.

I was so glad when Jake finally phased, but for the first time in our friendship he avoided me and started to treat me differently because he too realized just why I was a part of the pack. Once again, I was the outsider but this time to my own best friend- the best friend that I'd had practically since birth. So when Quil finally phased too, I knew it was going to be in the exact same situation all over again which sucked because Jake had just gotten over the whole thing at that point. Thankfully, Quil didn't avoid me for quite as long as Jake had which was probably Jake's doing. I knew he felt bad for thinking the worst in the whole situation. It wasn't ideal to think of the possibilities and he knew that I felt guilty being around to remind everyone of just who's dad might have done the deed and planted their seed so to speak.

So for the most part, we just avoided those possibilities and it had worked out well to ignore them- that is until Joshua Uley came back to La Push and ruined everything like he apparently tends to do.

Seriously, the dude was apparently the walking equivalent to a hurricane just destroying everything in his path by ruining the lives of everybody he came into contact with... His wife Allison, his own son Sam... My Ma and now, well... me.

And who _knows_ who else he'd fucked over.

Or, to be frank, who else he'd fucked.

I shuddered at the thought.

Through the moaning of mother nature's gusting wind, I heard a single set of footsteps grow closer to where I sat aimlessly around the dead fire pit and I sighed while shaking my head and keeping my eyes forward. I wasn't about to give whichever of my two numskull best friends that had decided to follow me out here to silently brood over my pathetic excuse for a life the satisfaction of direct eye-contact. So instead, I kept my gaze focused on the darkened pieces of wood that had served the fire well from the night before and addressed whoever approached.

"The fact that you found me out here is incredibly alarming... My real question is how did you nominate which of you two should come and give me the pep talk for this evening?" I smirked to myself before giving in to see who was my surprise guest tonight only to be greeted by none other than Seth; my eyes widening in surprise as he sat down beside me on the log with a wide grin.

"Oh," I said, mildly astonished that he was joining me in lieu of the other nut jobs. "It's you." I chuckled to myself while turning away from him to shake my head minimally while saying more to myself than to him, "Figured you'd be Q or Jake..."

Seth answered me anyway in a cheerful tone, "Yeah, well, I thought I'd give them the night off after their-" he stopped as if to choose his next phrasing carefully, "_attempt_ to help you yesterday."

I scoffed, "Right. Well their _attempt _was a complete train wreck, I think we can both agree on that. I mean- you were there, man. It didn't help _anything_ or any_one_."

He nodded his head empathetically, "Sure, it probably wasn't the _best_ idea but I mean... they tried?" Seth offered and I rolled my eyes while continuing to look forward at the piles of ash and wood mingling in the pit ahead of me.

"A lot of good that trying did. In the end, Sam and I are still on a gag order from each other and now Jake expects me to go and talk to Joshua which is _not _going to happen so..." my voice trailed off having no idea where to go with my sentence.

Despite the silence between us from my lack of speaking, Seth continued to pay close attention to me as I stared out at the fire pit. Sure, _I _may not have been looking at him, but I could feel his eyes on me.

I knew how Seth worked at this point... the kid was practically the pack's own communal therapist trying to fix everyone's problems and listening to everyone's... feelings and stuff.

Not that there was anything wrong with it. I'd been known to listen to the occasional feeling- particularly if it were Jake and Quil but I mostly butt out with everyone else. Not that I wouldn't listen if they asked me to.

Okay, that's not even the point, the _point_ is- Seth was just...different. He was this really nice kid who _wanted _to hear everyone's problems and he cared a lot about what everyone went through; always trying to help everyone no matter if they were one of us or even a Cullen. _I_ just wasn't in the mood for it right now. If I were being really honest? I kind of wanted him to mind his own business and go off to bug Leah or something. I just didn't get what Seth would know about _any _of this that could help _me_?

Honestly, the only problem about Seth was that the poor kid didn't have a whole lot of self awareness so while I was giving off some pretty strong vibes that I'd like to be left alone and didn't want to talk about my feelings, he still pressed on; insisting to talk which only made me clam up more. So basically, Seth had an entire conversation with himself while I stared blankly at the fire pit.

"I don't know," Seth began his one-way-conversation, "if it were me, I'd be curious to talk to Joshua and get his side of everything. I'd want to know why he did what he did and, obviously, I'd want to know what he's doing back here after all these years like- why _this_ year in particular of all the years, you know?"

He waited for a while as if to see whether or not I would respond. After a few moments of quiet, his eyes still hot on me waiting for me to make some kind of noise in response, he decided to continue talking anyway. "I mean, maybe he never even knew. There's always that possibility. About you that is." I could tell he was fishing for a response from me; trying to get me heated about something he was saying to elicit some sort of guttural display of how I was feeling about whether or not I cared to find out these mysterious answers to the questions Seth was posing.

I wouldn't fall for it though. Instead, I kept my eyes hyper-fixated on the burnt pieces of wood and willed myself not to feel in hopes that Seth would give up and eventually leave me alone to be with my thoughts.

He was stubborn like me though and didn't give up easily. Like me, he too hoped I might crack. "I guess I just think that there are two sides to every story when you get down to it and even though Joshua did what he did to you and Tiffany-" Seth was on a first name basis with everyone. That's how good the guy was with the human race. It was nuts. "-and Sam and Allison, so I guess four sides to every story, but in your case there's only two, but that's not what I'm getting at."

I wanted to grab him by the shoulders, shake him like crazy and scream at him. _What _are_ you getting at, Seth? What is the _point_ of the babbling? Just tell me the freakin' point, man and then let me brood in peace!_

But I didn't.

"What I'm really trying to say is that at the end of the day, you're this... objective third party who wasn't in there when everything went down. Am I right?" He paused even though he knew I wasn't going to answer him. "And even though you grew up with Tiffany in your life telling you whatever it is she told you, and from what I know about you that's pretty much nothing, she's bound to tell you _something_ now that Joshua's shown up, don't you think?"

Pause. Again.

"So basically, you can get her side of everything and then you will only see this whole tale through her eyes and never know what happened on the other end- you'll never get that whole picture if you never at least give him the chance to explain his side of the story."

I may not have turned my head noticeably but I did turn it just enough so I could get a view of Seth. My eyes wandered to look over at him and to my surprise, he wasn't even looking at me anymore. No, Seth was leaned back on the heels of his hands and looking up dreamily at the stars above us. A pleasant expression graced his face and he seemed thoughtful as he continued to speak; completely unaware that I was even paying any attention to him.

"And sure," he went on, "he might give you a big lie that isn't even close to the truth of what really happened and he can do that, that's his choice." Seth took a deep breath and let it out quickly before switching his gaze out to the frozen water ahead of us and I tried to return my eyes as fast as possible to the fire-pit in hopes he hadn't seen me looking at him. I couldn't let him know he might have possibly gotten me to listen to what he was saying. "Your choice though is to decide who to believe. The best part though is that if you listen to both Tiffany and Joshua, you can decide to believe some of both. You'd have two stories to choose from and I think that makes a more... well-colored picture I guess you could say."

I thought about what he'd said for a long while as Seth stopped talking for a good five minutes as if he knew I wanted to process all the things he'd said. I hated to admit it, but the kid had a point. Honestly, he should just quit phasing and go to school for psychology or some shit- he had a real knack for it. But the point still remained- I had no interest in talking to Joshua. Sure, it made me more... informed, but it was the action of looking at his face and knowing he had just abandoned my Ma.

Honestly, I could care less that he left _me_ it was the fact that he left _her_ that really pissed me off. She worked so hard to put food on the table and pay for the house and everything I ever needed- all without help from him or anybody from whatever family existed out there if there even _was_ any to speak of.

I became so lost in my thoughts that I nearly jumped when Seth started to talk again. "All I know is this problem isn't going to go away on it's own. Ignoring the whole dad thing isn't going to work like it has for you in the past because I really don't think Joshua is going anywhere this time."

Without thinking, I turned my head to look at Seth in response to his words and he offered a sad sort of smile and nodded his head. "Yeah. We keep picking up his scent. I don't know if you've noticed since I know you haven't been doing patrols with us, but it's pretty strong and we found him camping out by the clearing since he hasn't really found anywhere to stay yet."

I looked away but instead focused out on the water as Seth had been doing previously as he continued to talk. "Look, I know what you've probably been thinking. 'Seth the know-it-all. How would _he_ know anything about any of this anyway?' Am I right?"

I smirked. I mean, he _was_ right about that part. Those had been my thoughts _exactly._

"But when it gets down to it, fine, don't talk to Joshua if you don't want to." I looked over at him in confusion. Wasn't that what he'd been preaching to me this entire time? Now he was taking it all back?

He merely shrugged his shoulders, smiled slightly and continued. "The only person who should _really _talk to Joshua is Tiffany, honestly. Your mom."

I narrowed my eyes in his direction and he held up his hands as if to hold me at bay before I clawed his face off. "Let me explain, okay?" He calmly stated and I clenched my jaw but allowed him to keep his face for now and continue.

"I know you're trying to protect your mom. I know you two are really close and all your life you've only had each other. I've been in your head- I get it. But you know she needs this, Embry." My eyes softened at that statement; my forehead relaxing as my expression melted off of my face to one of complete nothing as I took in his words. "She's stayed so strong for you all of these years never once telling you about him but seeing him in you every moment of every day, no doubt. Seeing Sam... seeing Allison. Knowing that secret every single moment of her life and hiding it from you and now here he is and he's back but she wasn't even mad?"

I watched as Seth shook his head slightly, "I just think there is something there for her- something that she needs closure on and if she needs that closure I think you need to let her have it. If you won't let yourself have closure, you should at least let her have it. Don't you?"

Kid had a point. Damn, why did the twerp have to be right? After all these years, he may be a motor mouth who doesn't have much social awareness, but he had learned a thing or two about life from being inside our minds all of the time and seeing the constant drama we all had to deal with. Who knew Seth had been so observant this entire time, just soaking in this kind of wisdom and waiting for these weirdly perfect moments to dole it all out?

Together, we sat in silence as I thought about what it would mean for Ma to talk with Joshua. How would it even make me feel if I knew they were out with each other talking? Could I trust him? Ultimately, I couldn't be sure and I supposed that was the part that freaked me out the most. The questions boggled my mind and I was pretty sure a migraine was ready to hit from all the unpleasantness the passed few days had brought me.

Seth sighed loudly, the sound bringing me back to reality, and I turned to see him push himself up off of the log to stand up. As much as his advice had helped, I silently thanked my lucky stars for his soon-to-be departure; my brain feeling at over-capacity with all the ethical dilemmas it could handle for one day.

"Anyway," Seth started, his tone signaling the beginning of his goodbye, "I think I'll take off. I'm sure I've talked your ear off enough for the night," he finalized before offering a lone wave only to turn around and start walking back to where he'd come from.

I watched as he walked down the front of First Beach; my body compelled to call after him. Without much thought, my voice hollered out his name once he was a few feet away from me. "Hey- Seth! Wait up!" He stopped and turned around as I stood up and jogged over to meet him where he stood waiting for me.

"What's up?" He asked me with his hands shoved deep into his pants pockets; wind blowing his hair in every direction as it swirled around us.

"Why do you..." I started before starting over and spitting out the entire question in haste. "What kind of closure could she possibly want from him?" I squinted my eyes at him to shield me from the wind now blowing at me directly into my face and softly added to my question, "I mean, do _you_ think?"

Seth shrugged his shoulders, his expression giving nothing away. "No clue," he simply said before finally adding, "but if you can't talk to Joshua about it, maybe you can talk to your mom and find out. You never know, maybe once you talk to her, it might make you want to talk to Joshua."

I laughed fully outright at his statement, unable to contain the absurdity of what he'd said. "I sincerely doubt that, Seth."

All he did was smile and offer another shrug; this time a mischievous sort of glint hidden in his eyes. "Who knows?"

"I know." My voice was final, my answer non-negotiable.

Seth had a comeback though, and I had to admit, it was a pretty good one. "You may think that now," he said, "But isn't your mom's happiness worth the conversation?"

And with that, Seth turned around to finish the walk back to his house leaving me to stand dumbfounded in a cyclone of wintry wind and conflicted feelings on the frozen sands of La Push's beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's Song: "Brother Song" - Circa Survive  
HONORABLE MENTION: "A Forest" - The Cure (FOR THE FLASHBACK SCENE) 
> 
> Please drop a comment and lemme know what you think of the story so far-- I'd really appreciate some feedback.


	5. A Picture is Worth a Thousand Memories

By the time I made it home from First Beach, it was probably close to three in the morning and it was pitch black outside, as it rightfully should be. However, as I walked up to the house, I couldn't help but notice that one of the lights remained on from inside and I paused at the entrance before unlocking it with my keys, slowly opening the door to peek my head inside and looking around hesitantly. 

“Uh... Ma?” I called out into the otherwise darkened house; the light coming from the dining room portion of the kitchen. 

Ma's voice answered me, “Yeah Embry,” she called out-- her voice echoing from the lightened portion of the house, “I'm in here.” 

I fully entered the house at her words and shut the door behind me making sure to lock it and kicked my shoes off onto the mat nearby that sat askew on the floor. In socked feet I wandered over to the fridge to pull out a can of soda and popped the top immediately but paused before going up to my room; Seth's words echoing in my head. With a sigh, I spun around to look at where my Ma sat at the dining room table under the spotlight of the lights above her. 

“Hey, uh, whatchya doing?” I decided to ask her and she shrugged her shoulders. 

“Nothing,” she answered with a small shake of her head as if to convince herself and not me but I didn't buy it and I took a few steps towards her and smirked. 

“Nothing, huh?” I repeated. “Kinda weird to be up doing nothing at three in the morning and then not give me the third degree when I show up without an explanation as to where I was.” I tsked my tongue once and tilted my head to look at her. “S'not really like you.” 

“It's really not important,” she muttered and I smiled softly while moving to pull out the chair next to her at the table and set my soda down on the wooden surface. 

“May I?” I asked as she glanced over at me before nodded mindlessly and I took my seat beside her; my eyes gravitating to the collection of things she had sitting in front of her. 

The first thing I noticed was the ratted shoebox directly to the right of her that was sitting open; the top of the shoebox sitting on the bottom of the box like a coaster. It wasn't completely full as I couldn't see the contents of the box from where I sat, but I assumed there were things inside of it because held in Ma's hand was a Polaroid picture, creased and faded from age so I couldn't quite tell what was pictured from my distance. She stared at it intently as if by looking at it she could travel back in time and return to whatever memory the picture depicted. 

I leaned in towards her slightly and grinned, “Hey,” I teased with a playful raise of my eyebrows while trying to sneak a peak of whatever image was in the picture she was staring at, “what have you got there?” I asked and she sighed while closing her eyes and setting the picture face down on the table. 

“Where have you been all night?” She decided to ask, all though, she didn't sound angry and instead sounded more absent than anything as if this was an afterthought and I shook my head and laughed through my response. 

“Oh no, you don't get to ignore my question to ask your own.” I pointed to the picture she was hiding from me and looked at her with a sly sort of look. “Besides, I asked you first, so I get dibs on an answer. You do respect dibs, don't you?” 

She chuckled to herself and eyed me curiously as if trying to decide whether or not it was worth it to tell me the truth or not about the picture she was attempting to hide. “I already told you, Embry. It's- It's nothing, really.” 

“Really? We'll just have to see about that!” I said before making a quick snatch for the picture from her hands and effectively getting it out of her grip to which she glared at me and demanded it back. 

“Embry!” She scolded but I returned 'the look' she so often gave me followed by a proud grin. 

“Now, let's see what exactly this 'nothing' is, shall we?” I stated dramatically before holding the picture up to my face, my expression changing to one of interest and mild shock with a dash of entertainment at the image before me. “Is this... is this... YOU, Ma?” I asked through a small giggle and she was quick to grab the picture out of my hands again. 

She looked at the picture for a moment, but this time, she held it out for me to look at with her as she answered me. “Yes, Embry. That's me. A few months before I got pregnant, actually.” 

“I've never seen pictures of you when you were younger before,” I marveled as I looked at her in the faded photograph. 

She looked so...happy. She couldn't be older than 18 in the picture-- a young thing with a doe-eyed look on her face with the whole world in front of her full of endless possibilities. The picture had a yellow-tint to it for whatever reason, so it was hard to tell, but it looked as though she was sitting on a red blanket on some field somewhere with a picnic basket beside her. Her grin was from ear-to-ear and her hair was much longer than it was now-- almost down to her butt which was much different to where it sat now which was at about her mid-back. I stared at her, inspected her in the photograph completely amazed that the woman in the photograph would grow up to be my Ma. She looked so carefree and innocent. 

My eyes then drifted to the other occupant of the photograph and my smile quickly transformed to that of a frown. “Ma... don't tell me that's--” I began but she merely nodded her head sadly and confirmed my suspicions. 

“Joshua Uley, yes.” She laughed without humor and set the picture down face-up on the table only to pull over the shoebox to inspect it's contents with me. “I know it may seem pathetic, but I've saved all these things all these years...” 

One by one, she began to pull out things that, to me, had no meaning whatsoever. A movie ticket stub. A ratted handmaid bracelet. A folded piece of paper that she didn't bother to unfold or read but she definitely knew what it said because she looked at it, smirked to herself, shook her head and said, “not today,” and then set it aside. The last thing she pulled out though seemed to be the most important of the objects as she held it close to her chest for a long while and closed her eyes as if it held some kind of energy only she could feel-- the object taking her back to a time and place momentarily before she at last placed it on the table for me to see. It was a keychain that said 'Quileute Reservation La Push, WA' that, ironically, that the picture of a little wolf on it though she'd probably never understand why. 

I glanced up at her from the collection of things she'd strategically organized on the tabletop in front of us and furrowed my brow. “I don't get it.” I said matter-of-factly. “You've had this shoebox this entire time hiding... where now?” 

“My closet--” 

“Right, your closet, for-for years now, filled with all this...this junk all dedicated to some guy who knocked you up only to ditch you without ever even reaching out to you in over 20 years?” I shook my head incredulously. “Why?” 

“I don't expect you to understand--” she started with a soft voice and I scoffed angrily at how ridiculous she was being.

“Good. Because I don't. Ma, you've got to move on already! I mean, it's been over 20 years for God's sake! You should be out there trying to be with somebody who cares about you and respects you and gives you the love you deserve! Not... not... hung up on some guy who disrespects you so much he just--” 

“It's more complicated than that, sweetheart,” she tried before sighing and picking up the picture once more to look at it with sad eyes. “Joshua was... the love of my life.” 

“The love of your...? Ha!” I couldn't help but roll my eyes. “You've got to be kidding me.” I muttered under my breath. “You can't honestly think he's back here to like... get back together with you, do you?” 

Ma turned to look at me with a small smile and reached out to brush some of my hair from my forehead and then moved to rest her hand on my neck. She shook her head. “Of course not, Embry. I don't expect anything. The only thing I am looking for is maybe... maybe an answer as to why he left in the first place. I have my suspicions... but it would be nice to know why-- to know why he left that day and never reached out until now.” 

I don't know what compelled me to ask, but before I knew it, the words were escaping my mouth faster than I could reel them back in. “What exactly happened?” I asked suddenly and Ma seemed taken aback by my question though she had to know it was coming. “I mean, between you two.” 

She dropped her hand from my neck and turned away from me. “Oh Embry, I don't know...” She was shaking her head more to herself than to me. Whatever it was, she didn't want me to know what had went down and suddenly, the question wasn't just some mistake that I'd blurted out. I reached out and set my hand gently on her back because it occurred to me that I genuinely wanted to know. Maybe it was time she actually told me and maybe it was time I knew the truth about everything. 

“Ma,” I started slowly and in a quiet voice, “can't you just tell me?” I asked. She turned her head to look over at me with fearful eyes. “You've never told me anything about anyone my whole life. Not about our family... not about who my dad was... nothing and... and maybe it's time to rip the band-aid off and just tell me.” 

She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I wanted to start over, Embry. Leave it all behind and start over for your sake. I didn't want you to have all that baggage and if you didn't know then it couldn't weigh you down like it weighed me down.” 

I shrugged my shoulders. “Maybe if you give some of the weight to me, you can float better.” 

“You know, Embry, it's really not that unique of a story or anything. I'm sure the same kind of thing has happened to plenty of other people just like me so you really don't have to--” 

I was quick to cut her off by holding up a hand and shaking my head once. “Ma. I want to know. Please.” 

Her eyes lightened some at my words and with another deep breath, she sat up straighter and began at the beginning-- back where it all started for her: where she grew up in the Makah tribe. 

“Your grandma, my mom, died when I was really young,” she began. “She had breast cancer and while the doctors had told her treatment was a viable option and they'd caught it early, it metastasized a lot faster than they'd expected and she ended up passing away by the time I was three.” She looked down at her hands which sat in her lap. “So I don't really remember her or anything and my dad never talked about her much when I was growing up.” 

“Wow,” I said, “I'm really sorry, Ma.” 

She shrugged and turned her head up to look at me again. “Like I said, I didn't remember her or anything so I wasn't really sad. I just moved on with my life and for a while, it was just me and my dad, kind of like it has been you and me. But my dad...” she looked away from me then as if he was standing just over her shoulder watching her where she sat at the table with me, “he was lonely... and it wasn't long before he met Tracy and she moved in with her four kids. I must have only been about four and a half by the time they were married, I don't really remember.” 

“Was this Tracy nice to you at least?” I questioned and she offered a smile but shook her head. 

“No, not at all. At least not to me,” she answered after a beat. “Not in like an evil stepmother sort of way. I wasn't cooking and cleaning like some kind of Cinderella. Tracy kind of just ignored me more or less. I wasn't her kid and thus I wasn't really any of her concern. Her kids were nice enough though, spoiled, but we got along as well as kids do. The boys, there were three of them, were significantly older than me-- they were all at least twelve or so. But her daughter, she was my age and so it was nice to have someone around the house who was my age, though she was treated much differently than me. Even so, the two of us grew up together and became very close. We were practically best friends.” 

“Ma,” I deadpanned, “you realize you were totally Cinderella, right?” 

She laughed and shook her head, “Embry, I really wasn't, okay? I had everything I needed. I wasn't kept from doing anything and I wasn't treated like free labor or anything. I wasn't abused, Tracy just didn't particularly take an interest in me is all, that's it. I had my dad who loved and cared for me and that's all I needed in terms of love.” 

I reached for my soda which I'd forgotten I had grabbed at the beginning of our conversation when I'd first sat down and took a swig before setting it back onto the table and leaned back into my chair. “Fine. So you're not Cinderella. You're... Cinder-iffany. Wait though, if your dad is so great and all you ever needed, how come we never hear from him?” 

Her eyes faded from joy to sorrow and I knew in that instant I'd asked the wrong question. “My sophomore year of high school, and I remember this day so vividly, I was in my biology class when they called me down to the office and informed me my dad was in the hospital but it wasn't anything serious. Of course I was worried, but they said it wasn't anything serious so I stayed in school the whole day and expected him to be home by the time school was over.” 

I sighed and guessed what happened next. “I take it he wasn't there when you got home, huh?” 

She smiled that kind of upside down smile you do when you're trying to break bad news to someone but they already know what you're going to say. “Tracy was sitting on the couch smoking a cigarette staring at some program on television but not really watching it. I asked where my dad was and if he was okay but she just told me to take a seat next to her. I knew what she was going to say and yet, I still played dumb hoping I was wrong and the feeling in the pit of my stomach was just some kind of bad feeling you get like paranoia or something.” 

“So what was it? What had happened?” I gasped, “She didn't... she didn't kill him did she?” 

Ma tsked her tongue and looked at me in slight agitation. “Embry, how many times do I have to tell you? She wasn't evil, okay?” 

“Right.” 

“No,” she continued, “She told me that my dad had suffered from a heart attack and that he hadn't pulled through.” 

My eyes widened. “And you were... what like, 16?” 

“15, actually. I hadn't turned 16 yet.” 

I sat in shock at what she had just told me. I couldn't imagine being an orphan at only 15, especially in a house with all those people she wasn't even really related to. “You must have felt so lonely after that,” I assumed but to my surprise, she shrugged. 

“More motivated,” she explained. “After the funeral and whatnot, since my dad wasn't planning on dying and left no will, Tracy inherited everything and I was left with nothing. At first it really bothered me and I was really depressed for a long while because I missed my dad and I felt like I had lost my biggest support system. I mean, like I'd mentioned before, Tracy wasn't evil like you keep insinuating,” she glared at me, “but she didn't take much notice of me or encourage me in the ways she did with her own kids. I guess I kind of realized I had to do that for myself now, which is exactly what I did.” 

“What do you mean?” I asked and she grinned proudly and crossed her arms across her chest and sat up in perfect posture while tilting her head up like some kind of snotty rich person with buttloads of money. 

“I went out and got a job.” 

“Ooooooh,” I sounded with a wiggle of my brows, “Cinder-iffany got a job! Where at?” 

Ma laughed at my nickname, “It was just a hole-in-the-wall dive of a diner off of the freeway. It didn't pay really well and I never made much in tips but I figured if I saved every penny I made over the next few years of high school, I could maybe save up enough to put my way through college. Well, some of it.” 

I eyed her skeptically and she pushed my shoulder back playfully, “College was cheaper back then, okay? And there is such thing as financial aid, you know.” 

“Right, right, I guess,” I retorted and she rolled her eyes at me and continued with her story. 

“So anyway, senior year, I was working a shift at the diner and I'd been there for close to nine hours already and I was exhausted-- totally ready to go home –when a handsome stranger I'd never seen before walks in and sits down in my section right as I'm about to head out for the day.” Ma's face lit up as she began telling the story I knew was leading up to the entrance of Joshua and I fought back the frown that was twitching on my lips. I knew that's where all of this was leading, hell, I'd asked for this backstory after all so I had to be ready when he ultimately showed up. Mentally, I tried to prepare myself for his appearance in the tale she was telling. 

“Naturally,” she went on, “my boss tells me that I have to finish this customer and then I can head out for the day-- he promises –and so I begrudgingly go over and introduce myself as his waitress and all that, you know, the specials and the usual stuff. But Embry, the way he looked at me, it was as if the words coming out of my mouth were the most beautiful things he'd ever heard. I could have been singing a professional-quality opera for him or something--” 

My eyes lit up at her description and I suddenly became more interested as she continued to describe their first encounter at the diner. 

“--I mean the man was entranced by me. His eyes were fixated on me and I swear he was almost in tears like I was some angel from heaven, it was crazy.” She shook her head at the memory. “Honestly, I'll never forget, I was so annoyed with him because I couldn't get him to answer me after I'd done my schpeel. I thought he was crazy, actually.” She shrugged, “Turns out, there was just 'something about me' he later told me.” 

She thought about that for a moment before looking down at her hands again and muttering, “Not sure how much of that is true now, but...” her voice trailed off as she picked at one of her nails, a habit I'd picked up on off of her, but I was fixated on what she'd just told me. Their first meeting... it sounded awfully familiar. 

“Ma, you and Joshua,” I began to ask while treading the waters of my question carefully, “you two had never met before, right?” 

“No,” she answered. “I said that, didn't I?” 

“Yeah, yeah you did,” I replied softly but had to ask again more forcefully, “but you're sure, Ma? Like, really really sure you two hadn't like, bumped into each other on the street before or seen each other at like, let's say, the grocery story by chance? Anywhere? Ever? Not once? Not even in passing?” 

Ma chuckled almost nervously. “I'm pretty sure we hadn't, no. What's with all the questions, Embry?” 

I licked my lips to try and wet my suddenly chapped and dry mouth and shook my head rapidly. No. Joshua couldn't have imprinted on my Ma. That's impossible. That couldn't have happened. Stop being ridiculous, Embry. 

I looked at my Ma who was watching me curiously and waiting for an answer to her question about my questions. Nonsensically, I began speaking, “N-nothing. Nothing, I don't have any questions, none, no questions.” Words were coming out of me at rapid speed and I blinked a few times as if to reset my brain and tried to refocus my attention to the task at hand-- Ma's story. “What were you saying now?” After a moment, Ma nodded her head realizing I was okay, at least for the time being, and continued with her story. 

“Right,” she began again, “so after I was done with my shift, he invited me to sit with him and for some reason, I said yes.” She laughed to herself and shook her head thinking back to the memory from so long ago. “I know, I know. Pretty dumb to sit with some stranger but there was something about him, too. We talked for hours the two of us. I'd dated some in high school, but I'd never met anyone like Joshua before. He wasn't interested in telling me about his life, he just wanted to know about me and mine.” 

She looked at me and looked away almost ashamed. “Probably a warning sign, looking back in hindsight, but I was young and naive and I'll admit-- I was smitten. He was just so handsome and he seemed so sweet and caring-- he had kind eyes like you.” 

I bit my lip and looked down at my own hands but Ma reached out and tilted my chin up to look at her. “I've always said I loved your eyes because they held all the kindness in the world, Embry. Having kind eyes, even if they resemble his, is not a bad thing. Just because you have some traits like his does not make you him. You know that right?” 

I looked away from her anyway, electing not to answer her, and she continued with her story. “Believe it or not, Tracy warned me about him.” This peaked my interest and I eyed her in surprise. She nodded with a small smirk. “Oh yeah, she did. She told me he was no good for me because he was much older than me-- almost ten years my senior, although,” she wrinkled her brow, “he sure doesn't look it now. I wonder what his secret is...” 

My eyes hid from hers in hope not to give anything away but she moved away from the topic and proceeded with the narrative. “Obviously, I didn't listen though. We saw each other constantly, Joshua and I. I was always sneaking out to see him in the middle of the night. We'd meet up in all different places-- abandoned houses where nobody would look for us, the woods on the outskirts of the city, the beach, the open field where this picture was taken... most nights we would just lay outside and stare up at the stars and talk about our hopes and dreams,” she paused for a long moment thinking back to whatever those hopes and dreams used to be but not disclosing what they were. “He never told me about his past though. He only ever told me he had to get away from it and that it was for the good of everyone he never return. I didn't know what that meant, but I was never afraid of him. I didn't think he was a serial killer or anything... I always felt so safe around him. Like I was completely and utterly protected. Though to be fair... we probably should have... never mind...” 

Ma started to laugh to herself at some memory and I looked at her in confusion. “What's so funny?” I asked and she shook her head. 

“Oh, nothing,” she responded and I crossed my arms. 

“Seriously? You're not gonna tell me?” 

“I'm fairly positive you don't want to know, Embry,” she answered and I raised a brow. 

“Oh, c'mon Ma. Out with it.” 

“I was just going to say we the only protection I could have used was--”

I was quick to cut her off. “Oh Jesus, Ma!” I exclaimed. “Seriously?” 

“What?” She said through laughter. “It's not like you didn't realize we were having sex, Embry. I mean, how do you think you showed up?” 

I glared at her. “Well obviously I know you two had sex but I don't need to picture it, Ma. That's gross.” 

She frowned in my direction. “There's nothing disgusting about sex. Everyone has sex. I'm sure you're even having sex. It's not my business to know, but I don't pretend you haven't.” 

My eyes widened at her assumption. “MA,” I practically shouted, completely mortified. “For the love of God, please don't talk about my sex life?! To me?” 

“Honey, it's completely natural!” She tried but I wasn't having any of this. 

“I know it's natural!” I cried out. “Oh my god!” I buried my face in my hands trying to hide my shame. “Can we please move on, I'm begging you...” I said into the palms of my hands and my Ma only chuckled before she finally respected my wishes and continued with her story. 

“We were just really happy is all. Always spending time together. We couldn't get enough of each other, really.” 

I lifted my face from my hands to look over at her and ask the dreaded question I knew she knew was coming.“So what happened?” Almost instantly she was pulled from her happy memories she was lingering on inside her head and she sighed, casting her gaze downward and reaching out to pull the keychain that read 'Quileute Reservation La Push, WA' from off the table then fiddling with it in her hands. 

“Well, to put it delicately...” she glanced up to look at me through her eyelashes, “you happened, Embry.” 

I felt heat rush to my cheeks and I immediately frowned. “Oh.” 

Ma sighed, “I mean, honestly Embry, I'm not even sure if it was you,” she tried to use as an excuse. “Joshua he... he sort of just... left... and he didn't-- well he didn't really give much of an explanation.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Chewing on her lip, she thought for a bit before huffing and grabbing the folded letter she hadn't wanted to read before and handing it to me. “Here,” she said. “When I found out I was pregnant, I told him right away. At first, he was excited but the next day I went out to get the mail and found this in my mailbox. I never saw him again. Until he showed up the other day, that is.” 

I unfolded the note and read the few words that were scribbled on the crumpled up paper that had clearly been to hell and back before neatly folded and put into Ma's memory box. 

Tiff--

There's things about me you'll never understand and I can never tell you.  
Sometimes you just have to pack up and leave, and that's what I'm doing. 

I never intended to do what I've done to anyone, especially you. I hope you can forgive me one day. 

-Joshua

Carefully, I folded the note back to it's original small square shape and handed it back to my Ma who placed it inside the box it had come from; the keychain still in tightly held in her hand. I pointed to it and inquired with a nod, “And that?” 

She looked down at it, “Ahh,” was her reaction, as if she'd forgotten the ending to her own story. “Well, I was determined to keep you. I guess I figured I wanted to be the mom to you in the way my own mom never got the chance to be to me,” she shrugged like it wasn't a big deal even though it looked as though it broke her heart to say the words out loud. “And as you grew, I couldn't help but think of Joshua and how I knew he could be such a good father to you if he would just give himself a chance. I guess in my head I just thought he had scared himself and ran off.” 

“Oh Ma...” I murmured and she sighed nodding her head. 

“I know. Hindsight, right?” She agreed before continuing. “Anyway, this keychain,” she said while holding it up to show me as if I hadn't seen it before she'd began telling the story, “Joshua had given me for some reason, I don't even remember why anymore, but he had told me it was from his hometown and so I guessed that the key to finding him might be in this keychain... La Push, Washington.” 

I raised my brows in shock. “That's why you came here? Because of a keychain?” 

She chuckled and raised her hands up in a sort of hands-and-shoulders shrug. “What can I say?” 

“How did you get here though?” 

“Remember the step-sister who you insisted was, according to your thought process, the likeness to an evil stepsister?” She quizzed me and I quickly became defensive at the insinuation. 

“Hey! I never said she was an evil stepsister, I just said Tracy was an evil stepmother--” I tried but Ma cut me off. 

“Well, she had been given a hand-me-down car for her sixteenth birthday that she often drove me around in and whatnot to get to work and such so I asked her for a ride to the next town over so I could catch a bus and go to Washington in hopes of finding Joshua,” she explained and I slow clapped for her as she closed her eyes in probable embarrassment. 

“Wow, Ma, just wow. The balls on you!” I applauded and she gave me a look at my phrase so I quit clapping and held my hands up in surrender. “Sorry-- sorry. I meant to say the 'guts you have.'” 

“Sure, guts is one way of saying it. I was six months pregnant going to a town I'd never been to in search for a guy I'd only known for a handful of months,” she shook her head. “I think foolish is a better word for what I was.” 

“Wait, wait, wait,” I stopped her, “so did you borrow money for this extravagant trip or...?”

“Embry, were you paying attention?” She asked, insulted. “Don't you remember I'd been saving money for college from the diner?” 

“But that was your college money, Ma!” I exclaimed and she dismissed me immediately. 

“Honey, as soon as you came along, I threw that dream away.” 

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest ready to argue. “You could have still gone to college, Ma.” 

“And miss out on everything?” She was quick to counter. “Your first steps? Your first words? All of the time we spent together I wouldn't trade for anything, Embry. Why would I pay someone to have all of those memories that I treasure so much?” 

I couldn't help but smile at her. Nobody could beat my Ma when it came to best moms. Absolutely nobody. 

“Okay,” I started up again, “so you took your diner money, you get your not-so-evil-stepsister to drive you to Washington state, and then what?” 

“Right, so we say goodbye to each other and it was really difficult because I knew I wasn't planning on coming back. I had packed one bag full of clothing, I had taken all of my money and that was it-- there was nothing left for me in that place. It was a tearful goodbye, but it was necessary. To me, I was leaving an old life behind and starting a new one with what I'd hoped was going to be Joshua in La Push, Washington.” 

“And me,” I said sadly. 

“Especially you,” Ma retorted with a chipper tone. “The trip was long and I hated every second of it but I eventually made it here to La Push and, well, long story short, I wasn't exactly the most popular newbie in town.” 

“Oh really?” I asked in mock surprise. 

“I know, right? I did find the Uley household but, of course, Joshua wasn't there. To my horror, I instead came face to face with Allison and little Sam. I felt awful for coming so far only to discover exactly why he hadn't told me about the life he'd left behind.” She shook her head but not in shame, more from sadness that she'd allowed herself to get carried away in a fantasy all those years ago. 

“Why didn't you go home?” I wondered and she scoffed at me. 

“To what?” She retorted. “I didn't exactly have a home to go back to. La Push was as good a place as any and at least there I stood a chance of Joshua coming back and having to face what he'd done-- an idea that sounded good at the time but doesn't sound so good these days now that it's actually happening the more that I think about it...” her voice trailed off for a moment, lost in thought before she returned to where she'd left off. 

“The locals didn't appreciate my being in La Push, however. Allison made it known that I was the one who was responsible for her marriage falling apart the way it had though I tried to tell anyone who would listen otherwise. Most didn't care. One person did though.” 

I tilted my head slightly in curiosity. “Who?” 

“Sarah. Sarah Black.” 

A smile spread across my face. Jake's mom. 

“We'd met in Mommy and Me classes,” Ma went on to explain, “She was just a few months behind me in terms of pregnancy and we were fast friends. Such a kind and understanding woman, that Sarah. Not only did she listen to my side of what happened with Joshua and me, she stood up for me when others gossiped endlessly around the reservation.” 

“I remember Sarah somewhat,” I chimed in, her face blurry in my memory but still there nonetheless.

“She was the only reason I was ever able to fit in at La Push. She helped me get my job at the souvenir shop and we'd volunteer together so I was able to meet more people and become a part of the community. She was such a wonderful woman...” she stopped suddenly and I knew what was coming next-- the same thing everyone says when someone like that passes away unexpectedly and the good memories fade to the inevitable ones of why they aren't around anymore. “It's just so tragic what happened to her.” 

“Yeah...” was all I could muster. I didn't remember much about the accident that ultimately killed Sarah Black. All I remember was sitting with Jake at his mom's funeral and a lot of crying and a sea of black. 

And the coffin. It's hard to forget the coffin because it was nailed shut.   
Jake doesn't talk about her much. I mean, he was only nine when she died and all so he doesn't remember her much, at least, not in the ways that his sisters do or Billy does. 

“After Sarah died though, things might not have gone back to how they were before so much as people glaring and all that, but I mostly just got ignored,” Ma went on with a small nod of her head. “I was just glad you fit in so well,” she said with a smile. “You always had Jacob and soon after Quil by your side and the three of you were inseparable. I was fine with not having so many friends in town so long as you did. I just wanted your happiness.” 

I looked down at my feet and wiggled my toes up to myself like a sort of foot-wave. If only she knew just how well I really 'fit in' these days. Or rather, these passed few years. 

Ma sighed to herself. “I guess I'm just afraid of what will happen once Allison realizes Joshua is back in town. Joshua says he hasn't reached out to her yet, though he has seen Sam, he hasn't tried to talk to him since.” She shook her head before burying her face in her hands. “I don't know what I'm getting myself into by continuing to talk to him...” Her words were muffled as she spoke into her palms. 

I smirked, “Honestly Ma, I was kinda wondering the same thing.” 

She peaked her eyes through the slits of her fingers before sliding her face up to rest her chin in her hands and look at me from there. “It's just still... different with him though, Embry. I can't even explain it. I've never been able to stop thinking about him my whole life.” 

My mind thought back to the way she'd talked about hers and Joshua's first encounter all those years ago and I tried to pry a little further in hopes of getting some more information to confirm my suspicions before I did something I really, really didn't want to do... but I'd do it for my Ma. 

“Why...why is that...you think?” I asked while resting my elbow on my knee and putting my own chin in the palm of my hand trying to mimic her position and she laughed at my pose while sitting upright. 

“Why is what?” 

I sat back up and clarified. “I mean, what is it about him you can't get out of your mind?” 

She shrugged her shoulders and pulled the sweater she was wearing tighter around her body only to then cross her arms in an effort to keep the sweater in place. “I don't know,” she said amid a nervous laugh. “I guess... his energy? The uh... the way he makes me feel. He makes me feel really safe and like I'm the only person in the entire world. I feel listened to and like nothing else matters. Maybe this sounds weird but, when we were together, I always felt like the Earth itself could come crumbling down and Joshua would somehow be able to hold it together just for me like he could save my life somehow...” she seemed lost in thought and then shook her head. “That sounds dumb. It's just like nothing mattered besides me. Like I was his entire world. Like every day he woke up and ate, breathed, drank, everything... me.” 

I stared at her intently, my mouth slightly ajar as I took in everything she was saying-- now completely convinced of what I had to do. Ma noticed this and instantly blushed. “I know, I know. It sounds like a really unhealthy situation now that I say it out loud, huh?” 

Without answering her, I pushed myself up from the table. “Ma, I gotta go,” I said quickly while rushing to the front door and she called after me though didn't bother to stand up. 

“Embry-- it's nearly five in the morning,” she argued. “Where could you possibly have to be?” 

“It's just,” I tried, but sighed, settling on a vague kind of counterpoint. “It's just really important, okay? You have to trust me.” 

“But, Embry--” 

“Please, Ma? Just this once, I need you to trust me and not argue with me because no matter what you say, you gotta know that by now, you can ground me and send me to my room but you know I'll just climb out and be gone within a half hour anyway.” I watched her for a moment as silence fell between us before finally asking her once more, “Am I right?” 

She frowned and waved me off, “Just go.” 

I jogged up to her from where I had been standing by the door to kiss her head and quickly tell her I loved her before jogging back to the door to head out only to stop midway between inside and outside. With furrowed brow, I turned to face my Ma who was still sitting at the table; the faded Polaroid once again in her hand. 

“Ma?” I asked and she peeled her eyes from the photograph to look at me. 

“Yes, Embry?” 

“Can I ask you something?” 

She nodded her head giving me the go ahead. 

“After everything that happened... Joshua leaving you and everyone in La Push spreading gossip and after Sarah died everyone ignoring you and all that... like after everything that happened to you-- if you could go back to that diner before you met Joshua and instead go home before ever waiting his table and skip all of it to take some other path-- you know, maybe go off to college, get your degree, meet some nice dude who treats you well, get married, have a family, the works... would you?” 

She smiled and set down the picture pushing herself up to walk over where I stood by the door and took hold of me by my biceps as she couldn't quite reach up to my shoulders. With a shake of her head, she answered me. “Absolutely not.” 

“But...why? You could skip everything and have that perfect life.” 

Ma shrugged and squeezed me. “Who's to say I'd have that life though? Who knows if that's the life that particular path would have led me down? And besides,” she continued, “this path gave me you. I'd wait that table and go down this path a thousand times over again if it gave me you every time. It was worth it for you, Embry.” 

I rolled my eyes, “Ma...” I said dramatically but she knew I was grateful for her too. She let go of me and I turned around to at last leave the house in pursuit of the thing I didn't want to do in the first place but knew I had to if my hunch was right. I had a feeling this whole catastrophe might not entirely be Joshua's fault... I had the feeling that once again-- imprinting was to blame. 

And if imprinting was to blame, that meant that Sam might have no right to be all that angry at his dad seeing as he kind of had the same situation happen to him all those years ago with him, Leah and Emily. 

With a leap and a quick phase, I was deep into the threshold of the woods and for the first time since he'd shown up at my doorstep, I couldn't wait to talk to Joshua Uley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's song: "We Never Change" - Coldplay
> 
> Please be sure to leave me a comment I'd really appreciate it as this is my favorite chapter of the whole story.


	6. At Least Joshua is No Darth Vader Daddy

Chapter's song: "Another Love" - Tom Odell

My mind flew through thoughts as I raced into the woods picking up Joshua's scent almost immediately and following it while dodging trees as if I were in an elaborate labyrinth mother nature had erected just for me.

Could this be real? Could Joshua have actually imprinted on my Ma all those years ago in that diner? And if he had, how could he have left her and never even returned? I'd felt the feelings of imprinting myself, second-hand that is, and it was nearly impossible to just abandon an imprint- the bond was entirely too strong. The pull that the tie two people felt when an imprint happened was... unreal... and to fight it was completely unheard of.

I just couldn't understand why he would even want to fight an imprint. The feeling was euphoric almost- a constant high. From every view that I'd seen through the eyes of my brethren when in wolf-form, it wasn't the kind of thing you could talk yourself out of.

The triangle between Sam, Leah and Emily was proof enough of that.

As for the other lucky few who had imprinted, their entire personalities changed with it. Even Jared who had once professed that he was a real 'ladies man' was no longer interested in romance. After Kim entered his life, his entire personality shifted to better acclimate to his newfound relationship.

To be fair, Jared, like the other guys, relatively kept the same personality. They still had their usual sense of humor and many of the guys continued to be hopeless flirts- despite the fact that they were not even that good at it.

You could say boys will be boys but I was more convinced that it was simple habits they couldn't seem to shake- even with an imprint at their side. At the end of the day, I didn't mind watching their foolish attempts and trying to stay true to who they once were when they were all bachelors like I was.

What can I say, it made for decent free entertainment when out in public.

And thus for the most part, Jared, the self-proclaimed ladies man and his flirting accomplices, had retired.

Me on the other hand- I wouldn't call myself a 'ladies man' in any way, shape, or form. But that was partially my own fault. I'd dated some and gone out to 'sow my wild oats' as the saying goes. It wasn't like I was some hopeless virgin or anything who couldn't get laid... I just didn't see the point in dating or sleeping around. If I was going to eventually imprint on somebody someday, why hurt a random person's feelings in the process?

Of course, I hadn't imprinted yet which figures since I'd purposefully attempted to try and spare innocent girl's feelings because of the eventuality of imprinting, but whatever. It didn't really matter. With my luck, I'd be a terminal bachelor and spend the rest of eternity phasing and never imprinting. I'd be stuck with Leah and we could be bitter about it together with Sam hating the both of us until the end of time.

Fantastic.

As my mind wandered down the railway of random thoughts that transitioned into things which hardly had to do with Joshua and his possible imprinting on my Ma, I eventually made it back to the original question plaguing my mind- could him imprinting on her really have even happened?

As I slowed my pace through the woods to focus further on which way his scent led and which scent was the most recent of the ones I'd picked up, I began to go over the evidence I'd discovered from Ma's story in favor of him imprinting on her inside of my head.

First and foremost, there was the way she described their first meeting at the diner. She had been so descriptive about how he'd acted when he first saw her that it was hard to dismiss the reality of it- clearly the whole thing had been weird enough for it to stick out in her memory so well. I could hardly imagine it: Sam's dad looking at my Ma like that as if she were some kind of angel sent down from above. Had he felt the tie most imprinters feel that drives them to go where their 'person' is before the imprint takes place? I know it happens inadvertently to many of them and they don't even realize it until the imprint actually happens. Is that why he went to that particular diner on that specific day at that very moment just when Ma happened to be working? Was that fate or the imprint at work?

My next piece of evidence was the picture Ma had held onto for so long. The look he was giving her in that Polaroid was hard to ignore. It was a look I had seen so many times in Sam's face as he watched Emily do the simplest of tasks like cooking or putting one of their two children down for a nap. It was a look like Jared gave Kim or Paul gave Rachel- that look of pure, hopeless and true love; the kind that even the mightiest of powers couldn't break, not even in death.

It was a look I'd grown to envy and almost become sickened by, but was also a look with which I had become incredibly accustomed to.

Just like the infamous Leah Clearwater.

Together, we merely rolled our eyes in unison and turned away knowing we weren't part of the club and maybe we never would be.

Seth and the others however didn't seem to be bothered as much. They were far more hopeful, younger, and obviously didn't have our kinds of trauma when it came to the imprinting department: Leah with Sam and me with what I'd thought was just the inconvenience of everyone around me imprinting all the damn time. I thought the worst of it was that I'd essentially be left behind to wallow in self-pity all by myself and to be the eternal third wheel or something when it came to pure, unadulterated happiness.

Apparently though, it might be much worse than that with this whole new prospect of Joshua Uley, my newfound father, having possibly imprinted on my Ma some 20 years ago. That definitely qualified me to be in the left-behind-club that, until now, Leah had been the sole member of.

Oh wait, that's not true.

If Joshua had imprinted on Ma, that would mean Allison Uley could come join our little club too. Although I doubt she'd want to spend any time around me, her ex-husband's bastard son as Sam so eloquently called me the other day.

I shook my head at the memory of Sam's apparent new nickname for me and refocused my attention of my two tasks at hand: following Joshua's scent and gathering my evidence in my head. Taking a large whiff from a nearby pile of branches hidden underneath some snow that had fallen from the above tree, I decided to take a right and follow this path while continuing my thought process.

My mind instantly went to my next piece of indication in favor of imprinting on my Ma- the way Joshua had acted when I'd first met him those few days ago. I had to admit, I'd kind of freaked out, even if I had every right to do so. I mean, the man showed up on our doorstep for Christ's sake practically saying, "Hey, its me, your biological dad. Remember me? Probably not, seeing as I abandoned you and your mom before you were even born. I also abandoned your half-brother Sam Uley, I'm sure you remember him cause he lives just down the road. Oh- and I probably imprinted on your mom too. Merry early Christmas!"

Fine. I only discovered most of that recently, but still. He kind of showed up and turned my whole life upside down, so yeah, I'd say I had every right to freak out. It was his reaction to my freak out that I'd consider to be evidence helpful in proving my wild theory correct.

I remembered how he had tried to calm me down like he was deathly afraid of me hurting her in some way. He kept getting in between the two of us which, granted, at the time only made me angrier because I love my Ma more than anything and I'd never hurt her in a million years- but it seems to fit the theory of imprinting. Any of the guys who have imprinted would do anything to stand in the way and fight against whatever they had to in order to protect their imprints; even if meant risking their very lives.

Altogether, it seemed like I had a pretty fitting case of a probable imprinting. However, it begged one question that I couldn't seem to shake from my mind no matter how hard I tried and it was a question that seemed to answer how Joshua might have been able to steer clear of my Ma for all these years.

That question was: did Joshua even know what imprinting was?

I mean, he had to, right?

That question was the driving force behind my quest to find the man whose scent I followed through the woods. It continued to grow stronger in my snout with each step I took and I could tell I was drawing near to discovering where he had been hiding out.

I just knew I had to talk to him. I had to present my case to him and pose the question like a seasoned detective. I had to say, "Joshua- it was you who was at the diner. It was you who imprinted on my mother that day some 20 years ago and it was you who never returned until now... Why, Joshua? The court demands to know the truth. Why?!"

I shook my head at the ridiculous idea my imagination had conjured up of me as some kind of lawyer in a crime show or a cheesy detective in an old 1940's black-and-white movie complete with over the top dramatic line delivery.

Ultimately, the goal of meeting with Joshua was to find out what exactly happened between him and my Ma all those years ago. Sure, I wanted to know if he'd imprinted on her, if he even knew what that was, how he'd stayed away from her all these years, and why he was back here in the first place.

I couldn't help but let my mind drift to Sam though, and what all of this would mean to him if I was right about the imprinting. Somehow, I'd have to find a way to get him to talk to Joshua without killing him in the process. As much as he hates him for leaving him and his own mother, he couldn't completely blame Joshua for what he'd done because at the end of the day, isn't what Joshua did essentially the same thing that happened between him, Leah and Emily?

I mean, sure, Joshua 100% could have dealt with it better than he did, there is absolutely no denying that in any way. It just seemed to me that if Joshua didn't know about imprinting, maybe the whole thing kind of freaked him out? I couldn't imagine having a family back home and then imprinting on some random woman and accidentally getting her pregnant in the process. That's why I had to talk to Joshua and figure out what all happened and then find a way to get Sam to talk to his dad.

Secretly, I hoped that Joshua had imprinted on my Ma. At least that would explain all of this. Because if he hadn't? Well... then Sam had every right to hate his father and he was probably a dead man by staying here on La Push territory. It would only be a matter of time before Sam found him and finished him off for hurting him and his family- I'd seen his thoughts... the kind of hurt and hatred Sam felt for that man ran deep inside of him and you can only hold hatred like that off for so long.

But Sam probably wouldn't kill Joshua, at the most he'd just make sure he left and never came back- for his mother's sake.

At long last I finally came upon a small campsite in a relatively tiny clearing of the woods. In it, there was a dead fire that was smoking from just having gone out and a few feet behind the pile of charred wood was a canvas tent; the shadow of a man sitting just inside who appeared to be reading something in front of a bright light.

Quickly, I took a few steps back from the campsite and ran forward to phase back to my human form. I then pulled my pants up from where they'd been tied around my ankle in one fluid motion; a move I'd perfected from years of phasing. With a dramatic clearing of my throat, the shadow inside the tent turned around as if to notice the noise I'd made and peaked his head out from the opening flap to reveal himself to be exactly who I'd been looking for.

His dark brown irises met mine in the soft glow of the early morning sunrise above us; a concerned look painted on his face. "Embry?" He questioned while beginning to crawl out of the tent more completely once he recognized who I was. "What are you- what are you doing here? How did you find me?"

I set my hands on my hips before huffing and dropping my arms to my sides then picking them up again and huffing once more to finally settle on crossing my arms over my chest; my body not entirely sure on what kind of stance looked the most threatening and serious in this sort of situation.

In my head I thought back to how I had initially thought I might confront him; 1940's cheesy detective style. I wanted to present all the evidence in a succinct sort of way before just coming out with the question. I wanted to sound smart and like I knew what I was talking about but firm so he knew that I meant business and that I wouldn't be fooled if he tried to, you know, fool me. With a nod of my head I took a small breath to sort of steady myself and opened my mouth, completely ready to present my case in verbal bullet points.

What ended up coming out of my mouth-hole was: "You imprinted on my Ma."

Joshua eyed me quizzically and let out a half-laugh. "Excuse me?"

Clearing my throat (because I genuinely felt like I had a frog the size of Jupiter stuck in my esophagus instead of just doing it for sheer dramatic purposes), I tried to reiterate what I'd said before but with even more fervor and confidence than I had previously done. I also decided to add more volume thinking it might add to my intimidation factor. "You imprinted on my mother."

Joshua, who was now completely outside of the tent, stood upright and sighed to himself while setting his hands on his hips and shook his head minimally in my direction. This time however, there was a hint of confusion laced with the familiar look of sadness he seemed to carry with him at all times. "Embry, what are you talking about?"

"My Ma," my words were accusatory and I leaned in towards him as I practically yelled at him though he remained unphased by both what I was saying and how I was saying it. "You imprinted on her, didn't you?"

He reached up to rub at the bridge of his nose and let out a deep breath before dropping his arm and then gesturing towards his tent. "It's pretty cold out here. Why don't we start this fire back up, have a seat and you can explain what the hell you're talking about."

I pointed a lone finger at him and tried to find the right words to spit at him next, though the ones that came out of my mouth tumbled all over each other in a series of unfortunate stuttering mishaps that didn't really do me any favors in terms of making me sound like a confident man in his twenties ready to present his case for his long lost father. Instead, I sounded more like a bumbling man in his twenties who was learning the English language for the first time after being locked away in a closet since birth and had never seen another human person before in his life.

"Don't...You...N-no, how could? But...That's...What?" Was what managed to escape my lips despite knowing all along that Joshua may have no clue what imprinting even was. Joshua chuckled to himself while pointing behind me to a nearby log that sat by the smoking fire pit he planned to stoke until rebirth.

"Sit," he suggested and I glared in his direction like some kind of rebellious teenager who was ready to fight the man, wag my fist and stomp my foot before I ran off to my room only to slam the door behind me in proper temper tantrum fashion.

Instead, I ultimately waited a good five minutes while he worked on building the fire up to a steady flame and then casually sat down as if it hadn't been his idea the entire time but rather mine instead. I'm sure he noticed, but he never said a thing.

Once the fire was good and properly built, I watched as Joshua wandered into his tent only to emerge with a sweater in hand which he then tossed in my direction to catch. I looked down at the old, gray knitted sweater and smirked. "I uh, I don't need this." With that, I threw it back at him.

Catching it with ease, Joshua smiled and shook his head. "It's pretty cold out, Embry. I don't think your mom would want you out here in the middle of winter without a coat, God forbid, a shirt on." He balled the sweater up and threw it back at me and I caught it angrily and balled it up tighter.

"You're a wolf," I said through semi-clenched teeth. "I think you know that our temperatures are just fine without the help of some cheap ass fabric." I chucked the sweater back at Joshua and offered a fake smile. "Really. I'm good."

Without the slightest bit of anger in his voice, even though I was clearly pretty ticked off, Joshua merely looked at me and sighed that sad sort of sigh my Ma sometimes does that gets me every single time even when I really, really don't want to give in. "Embry," he said just above a whisper. "I'm not trying to piss you off. I know you don't need the sweater, okay? I'm just trying to... to..." He let out a breath he seemed to be holding and looked down at the balled up material that lay in his hands. "I don't know what I'm trying to do anymore, honestly."

I watched as he shook his head and closed his eyes; the sweater laying in his hands as the crackling fire mixed with the sound of the gentle winds to play as the soundtrack for the early morning as it was nearly six o'clock already and the sun was beginning to rise.

Chewing on my lip for a moment, I rolled my eyes at myself. "Fine," I grumbled under my breath and slapped my hands on my thighs dramatically to push myself up to stand and walked over to where Joshua sat on the log across the fire from me. Joshua opened his eyes and tilted his head up to see me walk towards him and a slight twinge of fear scattered across his face. Although instead of hurting him or yelling in his face, I merely reached out and snatched the sweater from his hands and walked back to where I'd been sitting to quickly throw the sweater on like he'd originally wanted me to.

"There," I said while outstretching my arms in a presenting sort of pose before dropping my arms to my sides. "Happy?"

Joshua smiled a half-smile in my direction and I scoffed while averting my gaze to focus instead on the flames that reached up to the brightening sky that was beginning to awake with the morning of a new day.

"So?" Joshua voiced after a good minute of silence between the two of us and I snapped my head in his direction while narrowing my eyes at him.

"So what?"

"Embry," he began in a quiet and calm voice. Joshua displayed a kind of patience I had never expected from someone who had abandoned not one, but two different children. It was not something I had anticipated. "You kind of showed up at my campsite at six in the morning accusing me of something I have never heard of before. I'm assuming it's not a good thing and I'd kind of like you to explain it to me so I can either-"

I cut him off and reached up to rub at my forehead with the palm of my hand and closed my eyes as if the action itself would help wake me up. After all, I had been up for over 24 hours by now I figured, but it was hard to keep track with everything going on. "Right, right, right. The imprinting thing."

"Imprinting," Joshua repeated softly and thought about the word before shaking his head definitively and then choosing to look at me directly in the eyes from across the fire. "Look. I don't know what this imprinting thing is, but I really never intended to hurt your mother. I care...very deeply about her in ways I still don't even understand to this day. Honestly, that's why I'm back here I just... I had to know she was doing okay before-before I..." his voice trailed off and I eyed him curiously wanting him to finish his statement before I went and told him what imprinting was in the first place.

"Before you...what?" I asked and he sighed while shaking his head.

"I'm sure you know that this life, it isn't all it's cracked up to be," Joshua said with a shake of his head. "As you can tell, I-I can't age. I never get old." He sounded as if he was going to cry and a confused smile teased at my lips.

"Rrrrriiiight..." I said, elongating the first part of the word and Joshua looked up at me almost insulted.

"Do you not understand ?" He snapped, which was the first time he'd seemed to lose his temper since I'd met him and I shifted my eyes back and forth before narrowing my eyes at him skeptically.

"Is this a joke?" I questioned and Joshua stared at me incredulously; completely baffled by my reaction to what he was telling me. "Like... you're messing with me, right?"

"In what way would I be messing with you?" Joshua countered and my eyes widened as I leaned back and gasped as I spoke my next words.

"Holy shit, you don't know anything, do you?!"

It was Joshua's turn to be surprised by my words. "Know...what?"

I leaned forward towards him where he sat across the flames of the campfire which sat between us. "Like...well, anything! Jesus, man! No wonder you ran off and abandoned everyone!" I laughed to myself before stopping and then giving him a serious look. "Sorry."

I tried to compose myself before I began explaining everything I could possibly think of. Obviously he knew the old legends, but he didn't know any of the specifics for whatever reason. I told him about the aging thing and why he still looked to be my age- the poor guy didn't know he could just stop phasing and start aging again. I explained why he heard all of our voices when we met up in the clearing the other day though we couldn't figure out what exactly made him hear them that day and not any other day he'd been around us wolves- guess like Jake said, there really isn't an exact science to it.

I mentioned everything I could think of until we finally circled back around to imprinting and I tried to think back to the feeling everyone showed up with once they'd first phased after a fresh imprint.

"I guess imprinting, the technicality of it anyway, is like a soulmate. It's a bond sort of deal, but stronger in a way. If I had to describe it though?" I began, before fixating my gaze out passed the treeline. Through the empty branches that looked like spider-webbing I could see the freshly painted pinkish hues of the skyline that grew brighter as the sun rose above the horizon. My eyes lingered there and I focused on the feeling I'd felt second-hand so many times before; that feeling that was like a contact high- never enough to really get you high but enough to make the pain in your own body subside enough to talk yourself through to another day.

It was like a band-aid that mentally made the cut stop hurting though the cut never really went away.

At the end of the day, the cut was always still there hiding just beneath the surface of the band-aid.

"To describe it," I began again while taking a deep breath and staring out at the picture mother nature had painted for me, "is almost an impossibility. The feeling is so indescribable that there aren't really words that would do it justice. The world just...changes. Things that were once so important cease to matter and...and..." I blinked rapidly before deciding to go a different route. "Let's put it another way. Imagine seeing the entire world in black and white all your life and then one day everything is just in color for the rest of your life. Or-or... imagine there are strings that extend out of your body in all different directions to all the important people and things in your life and then one day you meet someone and those strings are all suddenly taken from those people and things and given to that one person to hold onto for the rest of your life. It'd be like that."

Joshua nodded his head, a light-bulb clearly turning on in his mind, but I continued to talk.

"Its like, once you imprint, there isn't a sun anymore that the Earth is revolving around or that is keeping you warm and alive, you know? It's that person. They are the sunlight for you. Forever. Nothing is ever the same. Ever. And you can't escape it no matter what you do. They can reject you, you can try and reject them- though nobody has ever tried, because why would you want to, they make you so happy," I was hinting at him, but Joshua only smiled and nodded his head in understanding, "but life is just different. You'd do anything and fight anything to make sure they were protected and safe... it's intense."

"Wow," Joshua breathed out, the entire explanation seeming to make sense to him. "So this imprinting, you've experienced it too? I'm not the only one?"

I smirked and reached down to pick up an exposed twig from the snow beneath me. "No, Joshua, you aren't the only one, that's for sure," I answered first before snapping the twig in half and tossing one half of the twig into the fire. "As for me?" I glanced down at the remaining half of the twig still in my left hand and sighed. "I just know the feeling from the thoughts of the lucky many who have. I however, have not had the distinct pleasure." With that, I threw the other half of the twig into the fire and brushed my hands against one another to dispose of the bits of bark residue sticking to my palms.

I could feel Joshua's eyes on me watching with concern but I kept my focus on the dancing flames that distracted me from the usual irritation which accompanied conversations surrounding the fact that I still hadn't imprinted yet like so many of my brethren around me.

Instead of apologizing like most people do when they realize how butt-hurt I am about the imprinting thing, Joshua did something I wasn't expecting. He chose to offer up his story, free of charge without any sort of prying or probing, and I listened without looking over to him. After all these years, it was finally time to learn his side of everything first hand.

"I'd met Allison when we were in high school, you know," Joshua started out his story with a small smile in his voice. "She uh, she was my third girlfriend but I was her first boyfriend and she got pregnant with Sam nearly a month before we graduated," I glanced over to him and he smirked at a memory he had recalled. "We were in the same grade the two of us, and we did graduate but," he offered me a shrug and I eyed him carefully, "we thought the smartest thing to do with a kid on the way was to get married because that's what you do, right?"

I didn't respond to his question because frankly I don't really think you should get married unless you really want to get married but hey, that's just me. Maybe I'm just a modern kinda guy.

Joshua smiled while nodding his head as if he had read my mind and continued his story anyway. "Honestly, our marriage wasn't horrible or anything. I probably wasn't the best husband because I had no clue how to be a good husband seeing as I was so young and I didn't really have the best role model in my own dad. Allison was a great mom to Sam, though," he recalled with a big grin. "She was so attentive and stayed at home with him while I went out and worked which sucked but what are you gonna do? We were parents and we had responsibilities."

So far, the story didn't sound horrible. I knew how the story ended though, and I waited patiently for him to get to where it inevitably derailed and crashed into what I know it to be today.

"My job was with this factory doing some assembly work way out in Port Angeles. It was really far away, but it offered great pay and hours that supported our family in a way that Allison could stay at home for Sam and we could live off of one income," Joshua went on to explain. "However, because it was on the outskirts of Port Angeles, I had to walk a ways to get to the bus stop that picked me up and dropped me off at the next stop that transferred me to another bus that would take me to Forks so I could walk back to the reservation," he laughed at the description he'd given and shook his head.

"Geez, that sounds like a pain," I commented with a furrowed brow and he agreed.

"It really was but like I said, the convenience it gave our family really made it worth it in the long-run. Or so we thought," I could tell this was where the story was about to derail. "Anyway, on this particular night I had finished work late and was about to miss the bus so I decided to take this shortcut through an undeveloped area that led right to the bus stop."

"It was a wooded area?" I asked and he nodded his head slowly.

"Yeah, it was. Now, I didn't know it at the time, but there must have been some vampires nearby to trigger the fever. At one point I got turned around and lost which in turn caused me to start panicking and wouldn't you know it- BAM!" He clapped his hands together making me jump slightly at the sound. "I'd turned into this big furry creature thing and had no idea what to do or how to get out of it. I was terrified."

I raised my brow in mild confusion. "What about Levi Uley? Wasn't he your great-grandfather or something? Hadn't you heard stories of him or met him or something?"

Joshua laughed at this. "You really think I believed that story? There wasn't any proof of it as far as I was concerned. I hadn't seen any shapeshifters up close and in person so in my mind it wasn't real and it was all some hocus pocus mumbo jumbo." He waved it off and shook his head. "I hardly paid any attention to the stories growing up and so it was pretty much my own fault that I knew next to nothing when I phased. I had nobody to blame but myself."

"Why didn't you ask someone for help? You didn't think you could go to an elder and be all, 'Hey I just turned into a huge wolf! Could you help a brother out?' I feel like they would have helped you..." I suggested and Joshua merely shrugged his shoulders.

"I can't even tell you why because I have no answer for that," he said. "It's a pretty lame excuse, isn't it? Who knows why we don't do things we should do and know we should do. Fear? Cowardice? I probably could have even gone to Allison and explained what happened- she'd heard the legends and probably paid more attention to them too, but for some reason I didn't feel I could so instead, I ran."

He frowned and looked down at his feet in shame. "The excuse I made for myself at the time was that I was fearful I might hurt her and Sam. He was so young back then and he didn't deserve this in a father. I figured I was already hardly in his life what with the job and being gone all the time from that... so what did it matter if I just left for good? He was young enough yet that he wouldn't even remember me enough to miss me. So I just took off."

"You realize nobody sees it that way, right?" I told him and he nodded his head while keeping his eyes downward.

"Of course I do. I'm sure they say I was some bad father who couldn't live up to the responsibilities of being a parent and you know what?" He asked while looking up at me with an earnest expression, "They're right. I don't even blame them for what they think or say because they're right. I left. I could have asked for help and I didn't. I could have stayed and sought counsel but I tried to run from my problems and only made more." He pursed his lips and sighed. "I thought running away was the answer, but then I met your mom and as you explained with the imprinting thing... everything changed."

"I know I told you what it was and all, but it is sort of different for everyone," I lied. "How was it for you exactly? Like what did it feel like for you especially since you didn't know what it was and all?"

A warm smile erupted over Joshua's face as his eyes lit up at the question. "I don't know exactly why I went to that diner in the first place, it certainly wasn't for the ambiance because that place was a dive," he commented before going on. "But I walked in and sat down and the moment she came over to my booth I couldn't take my eyes off of her." He thought about this memory for a moment before looking over to me and explaining further. "You know how girls always say that when you are with the right person the whole world fades away and it just feels like you two are the only ones in the room?"

I smirked and raised my brow. "Girls always say that? To you? Really?"

Joshua frowned, "You told me to describe it for you and I'm pretty sure it's a thing people say, Embry." He leaned back slightly and crossed his arms. "Just because I'm a man doesn't mean I can't say romantic things. Romance isn't dead, you know."

"No, no, no, I definitely believe in romance, don't get me wrong." I took a deep breath and let it out before gesturing with my hand for him to continue. "Go on."

"Anyway, I just felt like Tiffany, sorry, your mom-"

"No, in this story, you should call her Tiffany," I corrected him. "It weirds me out less, honestly."

Joshua nodded his head in understanding. "Right, well, Tiffany was just unlike anyone I'd ever met before and that was before we even began talking. She ended up being younger than me, sure, but we had this kind of connection I'd never had with Allison. It was a bond like I'd never had with anyone before and I felt drawn to her, you know?" He shook his head in disbelief. "It was crazy to me, the whole thing. How could I feel so strongly about a complete stranger when I had just gotten done crying over my wife and child I'd abandoned back home- my other love. How could I just get over them so quickly and move on to this new person I didn't even know? It was instant and terrifying but she was all I could think about, so I asked her to sit with me at my booth and the rest was, as they say, history."

Joshua was grinning from ear to ear now. "I couldn't stay away from her. We spent every moment together for months but..." his voice trailed off and I knew what was coming next. "then she told me she was pregnant with you and it was as if something clicked in me. I suddenly knew I couldn't stay and ruin her life- and yours ultimately –like I had Sam and Allison's back here in La Push."

"But hadn't you already?" I countered which surprised him. "I'm not trying to be mean with this statement, really, I'm just asking. Hadn't you already come into my Ma's life and essentially mine so you'd already ruined it anyway. What more harm could you do, really?"

"Put yourself in my shoes for a minute," he tried, "You know so much more than I did about phasing. I'd never taken anything seriously or asked for help. I was a coward," he said sadly. "And honestly I wasn't expecting your mothe—Tiffany, to come out to La Push and search for me when I left."

"Dude, she was in love with you. She was pregnant with your kid."

"I know," was his answer though it offered no answer, only sadness and shame. "But I kept tabs on you two," he went on to say as if it were some kind of consolation prize. "Something in me wouldn't let her go no matter how hard the rational side of myself told me to. It was as if my heart threatened to physically stop beating the longer I stayed away."

I held my hand up to stop him in his tracks. "Wait, wait, wait. You mean to tell me you've been hanging around La Push this entire time and you've only just decided to show your face? You're kidding me."

Another deep breath followed by a heavy sigh. "I'm not kidding, Embry, no."

"That's impossible," I refuted his claim instantly. "We would have smelled you. There's absolutely no way you could have hid your scent from both us and the Cullens at the same time."

Joshua pursed his lips and reached up to rub at the back of his neck coyly. "There kind of is a way... because I've been doing it for years. I had a system."

"Oh really?" I tried while crossing my arms and stretching my legs out straight to cross one over the other at the ankles and encouraged him to continue. "Let's hear it then, genius."

"Well first of all, as far as I know, until Sam there hasn't been any other wolves after me to phase, correct? And nobody even knew I had phased in the first place so for the first many years, it really was no problem at all to hide myself because nobody was sniffing around on La Push territory...am I right?"

I frowned. He had a point. "Yeah, fine, you got me there. But what about after we all started phasing, huh? What then?"

Joshua nodded his head for a moment before continuing to explain his methods of keeping us in the dark. "I observed a lot, that's how it started. I was careful and I made sure not to be in wolf form once I came into La Push territory because our scents are stronger in wolf form. Also, I didn't want to chance a run in with any of you and have to explain why there was another wolf nobody had ever heard of while also explaining why I was back in town."

This all seemed pretty ballsy to me. "And if they caught you in human form?"

Joshua seemed amused at the concept of my question and he laughed while shaking his head nonchalantly. "Oh Embry, I'd never get caught. That was one thing I was absolutely sure of," he told me in confidence. "Honestly, the thought had never even crossed my mind, that's how sure I was. I'd been observing you all for so long; watching who patrolled which areas for how long and during what time of day... There's even areas you leave unchecked more than others and I caught on to that pretty fast so really, if it's one thing you take away from our conversation today, it's that you shouldn't all be so predictable."

I swallowed hard and made a mental note of his advice. "I'll be sure to tell Jake that..."

"Honestly, Embry," He continued with a small smile, "It's really very simple when you think about it. You would move right, I'd just move left. I began to exist without being seen, you know? It was like playing cat and mouse, almost. A cat may hear a mouse, but if it never actually sees the mouse, as far as the cat is concerned the mouse doesn't really exist and the cat can't really chase it."

I frowned. "So what you're saying is we're all just some dumb cats and you're this really smart mouse. Like Tom and Jerry."

Joshua sighed and shook his head. "No, that's not what I'm saying at all. Look. All I'm trying to say is that it was all about living under the radar for me and moving just out of your line of sight. Even the best trackers and hunters could miss someone playing how I was playing. You can't find what you aren't looking for, right?"

He had a point but I certainly wasn't going to admit that to him. I looked down at my feet in mild defeat and muttered, "I guess so..."

"Don't be nervous, really," Joshua assured me. "I had years of practice and great knowledge of the area. Plus, I wasn't living here in the woods constantly or anything, that wouldn't have been safe or smart. Most times I was only here for brief periods of time to check in and see how the two of you were doing," he smiled a melancholy grin. "It hurt me to see how of you lived without me but I was glad to see you were alright and had each other. At least you two seemed close."

"And Sam? Allison? You ever check up on them? Or have you forgotten about your other family? The ones you initially left behind?" My words were pointed and I could tell Joshua mildly resented the insinuation behind them.

No matter what he thought, he answered me anyway. "Yes," he murmured. "I never forgot about them either though I'm afraid there's no repairing the damage I've done to the two of them."

"And how do you know you can fix what you've done to me and my Ma?" I practically demanded.

"I don't, honestly," he replied bluntly. "I'm just hoping I can try. At the very least I want to offer Tiffany something I was never able to give her before or even Allison when I left her all those years ago. Unfortunately with Allison I know she isn't interested in what I have to offer."

"Oh really? And what exactly is that?" I wondered aloud and Joshua blinked twice before giving me two words as his response.

"An answer."

"An answer? An answer to what?" Though I was pretty sure I knew what he was talking about.

"I want to, at the very least, tell her why I left in the first place." My eyes grew wide with panic but Joshua held a hand up to calm me before I went into a full blown attack. "Not about the whole phasing thing, that isn't what I mean. I just mean I want to explain it in the best way I can about how I felt and why I left without telling your secret."

"Technically it's yours too," I muttered and Joshua chuckled.

"It isn't for my sake I'm protecting it right now," he simply stated and I knew there was a hint of a smile on my face but I hoped he couldn't tell given the low light of morning.

Silence settled between the two of us, the sounds of the world waking up beginning to surround us at light filled the open sky above. After a few minutes had passed, Joshua yawned while stretching his arms high above his head and then dropped them to his sides while nodding passed me as if pointing with his head. "You should probably get going. I'm sure your mom is worried by now."

I began to yawn, his yawn having triggered the one in me to be let loose at last. Once it had escaped, I stood up from the log. "Ma is always worried about me. It's like... her job."

Reaching down, I started to pull at the edge of Joshua's sweater which I was still wearing and attempted to pull it off but he was quick to stop me. "It's fine, you can keep it for now," he said with a smile and I shrugged my shoulders before turning around to head home.

However, something in me stopped my legs from walking away. It was as if I were stuck in cement and I instead turned my head to look back at Joshua who sat on the log poking the fire in front of him with a stick like some pathetic weirdo who sits in the woods all by himself lingering on the past he single-handedly screwed up. Irritated with the decision I knew I'd secretly made but already regretted, I dropped my head back and closed my eyes in frustration.

"I can't believe you're about to do this, Embry," I mumbled to myself before returning my head to it's upright position and announcing to Joshua: "Alright. Get up. Let's go."

Joshua turned his head to look over at me. "What?"

"Dude, don't argue, okay? Just get what you need and let's go, okay?" I waved for him to get going in a circular motion. "Quickly, before I change my mind."

"Embry, you have to tell me where we're going first, I don't-" Joshua started but I turned to face him and looked at him with sincere annoyance.

"Listen Joshua," I declared, "I may not like you or like what you've done to my Ma or Sam's family but... if you really have imprinted on my Ma" I sighed and looked down at my feet beginning to mutter under my breath, "well, she deserves a chance at being happy even if that means being with you so..." I looked back up at him and widened my eyes while waving for him to follow me. "C'MON."

He scrambled to gather a few things and soon he was following me as we walked out of the woods in the direction of my house. "You really don't have to do this for me, you know," Joshua told me.

"Oh believe me, I'm not doing it for you," I assured him. "I'm doing this for my Ma. Oh! And one more thing, I almost forgot..." I chuckled to myself in mock humor before turning unexpectedly to face Joshua and stop him dead in his tracks while pointing a finger hard into his chest. "YOU. You get to sleep on the couch. Got it?"

He nodded once and offered a nervous smile. "Got it."

I dropped my hand from his chest and sighed as we continued our walk towards my house. I couldn't believe I was going to willingly let him back into the very family he had abandoned so many years ago and possibly open my own Ma up to another heartbreak, but after our talk I thought she might need this. At the very least, Joshua may have been right about one thing, she really did deserve that answer he wanted to give her.

And if he was telling the truth and what had happened between the two of them was indeed a real, true imprint, then they deserved to give their relationship a real try.

The only problem now was figuring out a way to get Sam to understand what the truth was behind what his father had done- there had to be some way to get him to willingly listen to Joshua the way I just had, but what?

All I knew was that my Ma was willing to give Joshua a chance for whatever reason and I was willing to do anything to make her happy because, well, she was my Ma and Seth had been right- she deserved her happiness.

There was one thing that I was not willing to do, however, and I was sure to address that the moment we made it onto the porch of my house.

"Hey, Joshua? One more thing." I said before I opened the front door.

"Yeah?" He replied while looking to me in curiosity.

"I am not going to call you 'dad.'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's song: "Another Love" - Tom Odell
> 
> I really urge you to check this song out. It fits perfectly with Joshua and his backstory in my opinion. Also, please leave me a comment and let me know what you think of this chapter and the story so far. I'd really appreciate it.


	7. Getting Cool About A Lot of Stuff Quick

_ **Chapter's Song: “Sparks” - Coldplay ** _

My eyelids fluttered as if hesitant to opening completely in order to see whatever universe I had transported to overnight. According to my eardrums, it was an alternate universe where laughing echoed through our hallway and into my room from downstairs; effectively pulling me awake from my dreams of nothingness. I groaned while tossing my body to lay on it's other side in hopes that I might be able to fall back asleep, however, I had no such luck. Aside from my ears picking up on two sets of quiet laughter, my nostrils deeply inhaled the smell of sweet, sweet coffee and as much as I _wanted_ to fall back into dreamland, I couldn't just ignore the call of the dark liquid and it's addicting caffeine.

I mean, it was _coffee_. Ma _never_ made coffee-- she was a tea kind of lady, which basically meant that if I ever wanted caffeine in the form of coffee, I had to get it somewhere else or wake up even earlier than I usually did to make it which just really wasn't an option if I were being honest with myself. I wasn't a morning person.

Let me re-state that: I am _not_ a morning person. After years and years of sneaking out late at night to run patrols and do other wolf-y things, my body-clock had just become accustomed to sleeping in every morning in lieu of waking up early. So I feel like I don't need to explain why I wasn't very pleased that the laughter and coffee scent had woken me up at a good 9am-- especially after the lengthy night I'd had between Ma and Joshua just literal hours ago.

Sitting up in irritation on my bed, I finally forced my eyes open in a squinted sort of fashion and took a deep breath while glancing around my messy room. After a few tired blinks, I reached my arms up to the ceiling and stretched my body out as tall I could from a seated position and then dropped my arms to fall heavily on my lap before throwing whatever part of my blanket remained off of me. In a quicker-than-I-expected-for-this-early-in-the-morning fashion, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and reached down to the floor to find the sweater I'd worn the day before and throw it on my body.

“Pants, pants, pants,” I muttered to myself as I glanced around the room for a clean article of clothing. Finally, I spotted a pair of black sweats that I'd discarded and lazily threw on the ground a couple days earlier. _Those'll do_, I thought to myself. With a huff, I pushed myself up from the bed to stand and walk over to where they lay on the floor. Grabbing them quickly, I pulled them onto my body in one fluid motion and prepared myself to meet the 'happy couple' I could hear giggling downstairs.

It was an odd concept, having Joshua in our house after everything that had happened over the passed few days and, technically, my lifetime. However, as Ma's laughter floated through my doorway and into my ears I couldn't help but be curious as to seeing it for myself. With bare feet, I crept out of my room to walk quietly down the hallway where I stood unassuming at the top of the stairs looking out into the kitchen where the pair was seated.

They faced each other, each holding a steaming mug in front of where they sat at our dining room table. Whatever Joshua was talking about, Ma seemed entranced by his every word and a smile was painted on her face in a way I'd never seen before.

I always knew Ma wasn't the happiest of people. She'd never gone out to really try dating from what I knew, and there were nights I heard her crying in her room for no apparent reason. While I tried to blame myself as it was easier that way, my subconscious always blamed Joshua (though I hadn't known his identity at the time) for what I decided was breaking my Ma's heart. I knew she wanted companionship and love, but as a kid, you can't really go out and get that for your parents-- ultimately they have to do it for themselves and Ma just never showed interest in finding it for whatever reason.

But as I watched the two of them communicate with each other, I couldn't help but feel my mouth curl up into a sort of half-smile. For the first time in my life, I could see my Ma happy, _genuinely_ happy. Every word that came from Joshua's lips seemed to make Ma's smile grow bigger and there was this kind of glow around her, an aura if you will, that made me see her in a light I'd never witnessed. She looked warm. She looked satisfied. She looked complete.

As much as I hated Joshua for what he'd done to the two of us, I couldn't help but admit that the imprint had to be real as I watched the two interact. I saw sparks-- and it was plain to see that they were flying effortlessly between them.

Deciding to leave them be, I figured I'd just hang out in my room for a little bit longer and maybe try the whole sleeping thing again. With a twist of my body, I turned around to head back for my room only to walk over one of the many spots in the hallway of the old house that just so happened to let out a loud SQUEAK and I immediately knew in that moment that I was busted for spying.

“Embry?” Ma called out from the kitchen and I spun around to face her with a guilty expression lining my face.

“Oh, hey Ma,” I tried in a very unconvincing casual tone. “Joshua, good to uh—to see that you had a good nights sleep... from the _couch_” I enunciated which only made me chuckle and nod his head.

“Trust me, Embry, it was certainly more comfortable than my tent out in the woods,” he responded which in turn made Ma giggle and I raised my brow curiously at her, though she took no notice. It was obvious she was currently lost in some kind of imprint-induced-coma.

“Yeah,” I answered while reaching up to rub at the back of my neck and sighed. “I uh, I can imagine. Well, I was just going back to bed so--”

Ma then came out of her trance and turned to look at me as I tried to make my escape. “Embry,” she said in a cheerful tone, “you're never up this early, why don't you come join us?”

I smirked and shook my head. “I don't know, Ma. I really wouldn't want to interrupt whatever is uh--” I reached out and gestured towards the two of them, “--happening here.”

“No interruption!” Ma said quickly as if _she_ were the one to be guilty about something. “Please?” She tried again in a calmer tone. “Joshua even made some eggs for breakfast and we couldn't possibly eat them all.”

_Pretty sure _he_ could_, I thought to myself knowing how the phasing body works in terms of appetite, but I sighed and looked down at my feet awkwardly. “Really, I'm pretty tired still--”

This time it was Joshua's turn to try and convince me, “It's really fine, Embry. There's coffee too. Tiff mentioned how much you like it and I haven't had coffee in...” he laughed at himself, “well it feels like it's been ages.”

I furrowed my brows at his nickname for my Ma. _Tiff? Jeez... they sure got caught up fast. We're past first-name basis already and started with the nicknaming already._ With a deep breath, I decided it was probably best I just do what they wanted and I silently nodded my head once before making my way down the stairs to enter the kitchen.

“You uh,” I said quietly to Ma with a quick glance in Joshua's direction, “you both been up a while I take it?” I stopped to lean my lower back casually against the kitchen counter; my hands reaching behind me to rest on the smooth edge of the countertop.

“Oh, not really,” Joshua tried but Ma interrupted him to boast.

“Really Josh?” She said amid a slight chuckle before twisting her body around to face me, “I was up at 6 like usual only to be scared half to death by Joshua sleeping on our couch.”

I bit my lip and sucked in some air before letting my lip go and saying in a guilty voice, “Yeah... I sorta told him he could crash here instead of-- you know –in a tent in the middle of winter outside.”

Ma waved me an 'I-could-care-less' wave before twisting back around to face Joshua again. “It's fine, Embry, he just startled me was all! I'm surprised you didn't wake up from the yelp I made, but it woke Josh up and we just... got to talking? I guess?” She let out a small laugh and I furrowed my brow while smirking slightly.

“Catching up, really. It's just been so long,” Joshua said softly and Ma smiled a warm smile in his direction as if she had forgotten I was in the room and spoke quietly back to him.

“Too long,” she added to his sentence and after an awkward moment of silence between the three of us, I cleared my throat to pull Ma and Joshua out of their weird lovey-dovey trance they were partaking in directly in front of my eyes.

“Right, well,” Ma quickly stated in a mild sense of panic at having been caught displaying her adoration for Joshua, “you uh, you should have some food! Food, yes. I know you like eggs and there is plenty left on the stove.”

I rolled my eyes but they landed on the skillet sitting on the dead burner. The scrambled eggs that lay inside stared over at me and my stomach growled at me to take some. However, my pride spoke out for me. “Don't think you two can win me over with food. I can't be bought that way.”

Ma gave Joshua a knowing look, “Oh, believe me, he can.” He eyed me for a moment before returning his eyes to Ma, a smile lining his lips.

Scoffing, I shook my head in denial even though I knew those eggs would eventually find a way into my bottomless stomach at some point. Instead, I decided to prolong the inevitable and turned around to reach in the cupboard and grab a clean mug which I then promptly filled with coffee from the nearby coffeepot.

“So Embry,” Joshua said and I glanced over my shoulder at him before returning my gaze to the mug in my hands filled to the brim with piping hot liquid. “You have plans today?”

I raised my brow inquisitively, “Why? You and my _Ma_ have plans today? Or were you two planning to spend some 'quality time' together? That why you don't want me around?” My question was laced with innuendo and Ma was quick to snap her head in my direction.

“Embry!” She exclaimed, her face now beat red and I couldn't help but chuckle to myself at seeing her in such a way. It was like she was a whole different person and I had to admit-- it was kind of entertaining to see her so embarrassed. Sure, I wasn't fond of Joshua hanging around and all that, but it was nice to see Ma so happy.

Joshua just better not ditch this time around because he could be sure I'd hunt his ass down and he'd regret it.

“What?” I asked with a sly smile plastered on my face.

“That's... that's _wildly_ inappropriate. You know that. I'm your _mother_.” Her face grew redder by the second and I glanced at Joshua who was giving me an unenthused look.

Knowing it was irritating Joshua to bring up his and Ma's relationship, I decided to press onward. It's the small things that bring the most joy after all, and as small as the mild irritation he was feeling was, it was totally worth it in exchange for some slight uncomfortable conversation between me and Ma.

Bringing the mug up to my lips I took a big gulp before exhaling loudly in satisfaction. “Yeah, but is it though?” I questioned and paused for a moment before continuing. “I mean, wasn't it _you_ Ma who told me yesterday, this morning if we're being technical, I quote,” I cleared my throat dramatically before saying in a high-pitched goofy voice as if I were pretending to be her, “'There's nothing disgusting about sex. Everyone has sex.'”

“I-I-” She stuttered, but I continued anyway.

“You then proceeded to tease me about my sex life so why can't I do the same? You can dish it but you can't take it, huh Ma?” I joked and she sighed as if giving up in the debate.

“So...plans...” Joshua attempted to redirect the conversation in an effort to save some face for Ma and I shrugged my shoulders while taking another sip from my mug.

“Nothing really,” I answered. “I guess I thought I'd stop in and see how packing is going for Jake.”

Ma perked up at the sound of my best friend's name. “Jacob? Jacob Black?” She asked and I smirked.

“Yeah, Ma. Jacob Black. He's only been my best friend since birth and all. Who else is there? Is there even another Jake on the rez?” I replied, but Joshua interjected with a point of his finger in my direction before talking once again.

“Wait, wait, wait, he's packing? For what? He isn't moving, is he?” Joshua asked almost urgently and I nodded my head slowly with a mildly confused expression now coating my face.

“Uh, yeah, he's moving. What's it to you?” My words were defensive almost but Ma was quick to chime in with her own information. I'm sure she knew the whole Jake leaving thing was a touchy subject for me.

“I heard from Billy that him and his girlfriend were taking off with the Cullen family or something. He didn't seem all that concerned, but it's kind of odd, don't you think? The whole family uprooting like that together and then Jacob and his girlfriend tagging along? I hope Jacob isn't caught up in something weird with that family...” Ma's voice was fully of worry but I shook my head and tried to quickly dissolve her clear anxiety.

“The Cullens are...weird to say the least but he's fine, and I'm sure he'll be back to visit all the time. That family is LOADED,” I said as more of a thought out loud, but Ma of course had more questions about my statement.

“Why would they pay for Jacob to come back to visit Forks? It isn't like _he's_ a part of their family.”

I nodded my head for a long while before blinking rapidly and shrugging my shoulders. “Honestly, I don't know. They're just really nice? Honestly Ma, it's none of our business but I promise you, if Billy isn't worried then you shouldn't be either.”

“Well what about this girlfriend of his?” Ma continued. “We've never seen her, have you met her? Is she nice?”

I glanced over to Joshua who was merely keeping quiet and listening carefully. “Pretty sure she's not his girlfriend, but yeah, Ma. She's fine. I really don't know why you're so hung up on this. Were you hung up on his sisters when they moved out too?”

“Jacob is like family, Embry,” Ma said with a smile. “I just feel like it seems really fast between them... you know? I only just heard about her when you told me what, a month ago?”

I shifted my eyes back and forth in my sockets. “They've been in each other's lives for... a while,” was all I could manage to come up with and I silently prayed she'd just drop the subject already.

Ma sighed before pushing herself up to stand and wander over in my direction to place her empty tea mug in the sink. “I guess... good for Jacob then. Maybe someday soon you will find your person too and can move out as you rightfully should at your age.”

I set my empty mug down on the counter beside me and crossed my arms over my chest. “Oh yeah? What's that supposed to mean, Ma? You trying to kick me out?”

She walked over to me from the sink and placed a hand on my cheek momentarily before dropping her hand. “Of course not, sweetie. I just want you to find yourself some happiness. Why not talk to this pretty girlfriend of Jacob's? Maybe she has a friend she can set you up with.”

“First of all, she is _not _his girlfriend,” I affirmed given their incredibly complicated relationship. I then let out a laugh and shook my head. “And as for setting me up with somebody? Well, I really, highly doubt that, Ma.”

“Oh Embry, don't be so negative. Just ask! Who knows? She may have the perfect match for you.” After she sat back down at the table beside Joshua, she turned around to look at me once more. “Where did those two meet anyway? It certainly wasn't in La Push.”

With a deep breath I pursed my lips before letting out the air in my lungs to offer up a vague answer. “Oh, you know. Around.”

“Well where is around, exactly?” Ma pressed on and I frowned at her persistence. “School maybe? A friend?”

I glanced around myself in the kitchen being sure to avert my eyes from either my Ma or Joshua as I answered. “You could say it was through a friend, yeah.”

“Which friend?” She pushed further and this time I looked at her with an expression of severe annoyance plastered on my face.

“Charlie's daughter Bella. We done with the third degree now, Ma or what?” I asked with heavy sarcasm laced in my tone.

She merely shrugged her shoulders as she began to try and explain herself. “I'm sorry, Embry. It's just that you haven't had a girlfriend in so long and I figured maybe this friend, seeing as you won't talk to Jacob's girlfriend, might be of some help.”

“Not his girlfriend,” I re-iterated before rolling my eyes and offering a minimal shake of my head. “And honestly, Ma, I don't need a blind date or to be set up with someone's friend. I'm _fine_.”

Unfortunately, my reassurance wasn't enough to ease Ma's mind. “You're just getting older now and I don't want you to miss your opportunity to find yourself a partner. Is that so wrong?” Ma glanced over at Joshua in hopes he would back her up.

Instead, he simply reached out to set a hand on her shoulder and looked at her with a warm smile. “I'm sure Embry will find somebody soon enough. He's still young. He has time.”

“But do I?” Ma asked him while looking down at her hands and inspecting them as if some hidden message was written on the backs that looked up at her. “Look at me. I look so old compared to you, Joshua. I just haven't aged as well as you and who knows how much time I have left to be a grandma anyway?”

Ma's voice had softened and it sounded like she was holding back tears. Lucky for me, Joshua was hot on the case and took her hands in his which forced her to quit examining her hands and instead look up at him.

In a reassuring voice, Joshua told her, “Tiff, you have _lots_ of time left. Age is just a number, not a death sentence.”

“Well it sure _feels_ like one,” Ma murmured and I watched silently from where I stood as the two shared this intimate conversation I didn't feel privy to witnessing with my own two eyes.

Either way, they had seemed to forget I was in close proximity to them and continued in their conversation which only made me feel like a fly on the wall onlooking a private moment.

“It's just that,” Ma went on, now looking away from him to focus on their hands as they held onto one another on the table's surface, “I look in the mirror and I hardly recognize the old face that looks back at me. Age has taken my beauty and glow and replaced it with all these wrinkles...” Her voice trailed off as her head dropped further to face the tabletop almost completely.

Joshua, now wearing a melancholy sort of smile, reached out to tilt her chin upward so she could look at him directly. Her eyes searched his for a moment, tears threatening to spill over and onto her cheeks. Slowly, Joshua proceeded to speak after a moment of silence; his voice calm and collected but the volume of it just above a whisper.

“Mirrors lie, Tiffany,” he explained in a soothing tone. “To me, you're just as beautiful as the first time I saw you in that diner all those years ago. The glow could never dim from you or that smile.”

At his words, Ma's lips upturned into a small smile. “Really?”

Joshua nodded his head. “Really,” he answered and the two began to lean in to one another, prepared to kiss in front of me and possibly scar me for the rest of my natural born life.

Quickly, I decided to chime in and make my presence known in an effort to thwart them from their PDA which I wasn't particularly in the mood to witness this early in the morning.

“Hey, hey, hey!” I exclaimed while closing my eyes tightly and holding both of my hands up in a double wave as if the action alone could rub out what was happening before my eyes like some sort of eraser. “In case you two have forgotten, I'm kind of still in the vicinity.”

Bright red colored Ma's cheeks from embarrassment while Joshua simply turned his head away from me to hide whatever expression was covering his face-- I personally hoped it was a mortified one.

“Sorry, sweetie,” Ma apologized while letting go of Joshua's hands and reaching up to set her palms on her cheeks in an effort to cool them down. “Guess we got carried away.”

I scoffed at her response. “Yeah, I'll say.” With that, I turned to grab my empty mug from where it sat beside me on the counter and walked it over to set it in the sink next to Ma's. “Well, I'm off I guess,” I said definitively before making my way out of the kitchen in pursuit of the door.

“Where are you off to, exactly?” Ma asked and I stopped in my tracks at the halfway point of the kitchen and the front door to pivot around in order to face where her and Joshua still sat at the table.

“I already told you, I'm going to Jake's. Remember?”

Ma tsked her tongue but not out of disappointment towards me like she tends to do-- it was more a tsking out of disappointment at herself for forgetting so quickly. I'm sure she blamed it on her age silently in her head, but she didn't say anything about it out loud and I was thankful. By not saying it out loud, she saved me from once again seeing Joshua try console her by putting the moves on my Ma directly in front of me.

I shuddered at the memory but tried to tell myself it was the imprint between the two of them that made them this lovey-dovey in front of me, not complete lack of respect for my feelings.

“Well, you have a good time,” Ma encouraged from where she sat. “Be sure to tell Jacob that I say 'hi.'”

“I will, Ma,” I answered as I turned around to continue making my way to my escape from the house.

Just as I reached for the handle of the door to freedom, Ma called out, “And tell him to stop by before he moves!”

I smirked to myself and nodded my head. “Alright Ma! I'm leaving now!”

And with that, I exited the house at last into the wintry morning that surrounded me; my sights set on heading over to the Cullen's place so I could talk to Jake about the plan I'd hatched up regarding Sam.

However, before I could even leave my property, I heard the door open and close from behind me and I turned around to see Joshua jogging after me with my coat in tow. “Embry!” he called out and I sighed to myself while shoving my hands into the pockets of my sweatpants.

“She realized I didn't have a coat, huh?” I questioned with a half-smile.

To my surprise, Joshua shook his head. “No, I did.”

I raised my brow in confusion at his statement and sudden concern. “Dude, you _know _I don't really need that--”

Joshua was quick to cut me off. “It's an excuse. I uh, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Blinking a couple of times, I shrugged and gestured with my head for him to go on while verbally encouraging him. “Okay. What's up?”

“It's just that I didn't want to ask in front of your mom is all,” he further explained and I sighed while looking at him in exasperation.

“Right...” I said while elongating the vowel in the word. “I kinda figured that seeing as you felt the need to make an excuse to come after me. What is it?”

Joshua looked down at his feet as if to summon the courage to ask me his question before taking a deep breath and finally said, “Is Jacob Black really leaving the pack to be with the Cullen family?”

I eyed him curiously. “Yeah, he is. Why does it matter to you?”

“It doesn't,” he answered immediately before pausing and then continuing. “I just wanted to know when he was planning on doing that.”

“I don't know, he said sometime after the new year,” I answered very matter-of-factly but Joshua continued to stare at me as if waiting for more information. After a moment, I decided to give him what I thought he was looking for. “He's appointed Leah to take over for him as Alpha but we'll be fine. Jacob wants to be with his imprint and nobody blames him for that.”

“No, I get all that,” he told me in a sort of defensive tone.

“Then what is it?” I wondered aloud and Joshua let out a deep breath he must have been holding before asking the question he'd been leading up to this entire time.

“I was just hoping maybe Jacob would be able to talk Sam into meeting with me or something... so I can explain. Do you think he would?”

I frowned and said with little emotion, “Joshua. Why do you think I'm headed to see Jake right now?”

“To help with packing?”

I closed my eyes softly to center myself before opening them again to look at Joshua who was watching me with confused eyes. “No, man. I just said all that so Ma wouldn't ask more questions. I'm going there now to ask him for his help seeing as Sam and I aren't allowed to talk to each other at the moment.”

“Why's that?” Joshua asked and I chewed on my lip for a moment before vaguely answering.

“Jake thinks it might be best after our last...interaction.” I shook my head at the memory in hopes of momentarily erasing it to focus on the task at hand. “Honestly, it doesn't matter, okay? I have it under control. I think.”

Joshua nodded once before offering a small smile of gratitude to me. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said while waving off his gratuity. “You'd better get back before Ma comes looking after you.”

He glanced over his shoulder to look back towards the house where Ma still sat inside. “Right,” he responded before turning around to start walking to the front door of my home.

After a few paces away from me, I called out after him, “Hey, Joshua!”

He turned around almost anxiously and looked at me with hopeful eyes. “Yeah?”

I gestured to my coat which was still in his grasp. “You should probably give me my coat. Seeing as that's why you came out here and all.”

“Right. Good thinking.”

Joshua walked back to my to hand me my coat and I pulled it on before parting ways from him to finally leave my property in pursuit of the Cullen's home. As I walked, my mind incessantly played through how exactly I was going to get Jake to let me talk to Sam. But all the while, my thoughts somehow kept finding their way back to a question I hadn't bothered to indulge for fear of the answer: what if Sam doesn't believe me about the imprint-- or possibly worse yet –what if he _does_?

* * *

Glancing around at the sea of boxes that surrounded us in the living room, I plopped myself down on the couch that still remained as Jake eyed me curiously after the words I'd just spoken to him.

“You want me to call off the alpha order?” He shook his head while crossing his arms. “You've _gotta_ be kidding me, Bry. You two almost killed each other at the bonfire!”

I scoffed at his statement and tried to convince him of my now good intentions. “C'mon, Jake. I have to talk to Sam or Joshua could seriously be in trouble when it comes to him. He needs to understand what happened.”

“What you _think_ happened,” Jake added before reaching over to a tall bookcase and beginning to grab books only to toss them into the box beside him.

“I _know_ it happened, man. Seriously! You think I don't know what imprinting looks like? I've seen practically everyone from the original pack imprint before me. Besides, you and I _both_ know the way imprints act around each other-- I know I'm not wrong, here.”

With a sigh, Jake stopped with the books for a moment to turn his head and look over at me where I sat. “Okay, so let's say he _did_ imprint on your mom. What exactly were you planning to tell Sam? You know he won't believe you no matter _what_ you think you saw.”

“That's the _point_, Jake. If I at least just tell him what I know happened, maybe it will nudge him in the direction of wanting to talk to Joshua for himself. He can make up his own mind at that point but we have to do something to get them to talk.” Jake sighed again and returned his attention to the books and the box.

“I don't know, man...” He muttered, but I was persistent.

“Think about it,” I continued as Jake kept on putting books in the cardboard box, “if we can get them to talk it could prevent so many possible future problems. Sam can't _possibly _be completely livid at Joshua if what happened to him is basically what happened to Sam, Leah and Emily. The dude's stubborn but not completely heartless.”

Jake dropped another book into the box and turned to face me once more. “I just don't want the two of you getting into it again.”

“We won't!” I exclaimed in hopes I was at least starting to wear him down. “If you really want to, you can even come mediate or whatever.”

“Seriously?” He asked with mild annoyance in his tone. “Look around at this house, Embry. There is _so much _to pack. I just don't think I should ditch in the middle of this. I want to, and honestly I probably should given what happened the other night, but I shouldn't.”

“Shouldn't what?” a familiar voice rang through the hallway before Nessie' face came into light from the hallway as she entered the living room.

Without even turning around, Jake answered her while still eyeing me. “Embry wants me to accompany him in talking to Sam about their father.”

She glanced over at me before making it to Jake's side and smiling softly. “Sorry to hear about all of that,” she told me and I shrugged my shoulders.

“It'll work itself out. It _would_ work itself out _faster_ if Jake here would call off his alpha order and let me just go talk to him _myself_ but he doesn't trust me.” My words were pointed and Jake rolled his eyes at my comment.

“It's not that I don't trust you,” he tried as Ness looked up at him with a small smile lining her lips.

“Than what is it?” I asked with mild anger.

“I just think it could get messy between you two.”

“Then come with me!” I cried out in exasperation.

“I can't leave here though, man. I gotta help pack—” But Ness was quick to come to my rescue.

“Really, Jacob?” She said quizzically. “You want to help a house full of vampires who don't sleep pack for the millionth time? Please. They'll have this whole place packed and ready to go by tonight. Go.”

“But Ness,” Jake pleaded and her eyes narrowed as her expression changed from cheerful to irritated almost instantaneously.

“Jacob... we talked about this,” she said through clenched teeth and I raised my eyebrow as I watched the pair converse.

Jake held his hands up in a surrender; his face apologetic as he began to ask for forgiveness. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's habit, alright? I just gotta get used to it is all.”

“It's just that you need to set an example to my parents,” she went on to say and I eyed them curiously as she continued. “You _know_ this is my chance to start out fresh and be the kind of person I feel I am and want to be. My true, authentic self. You gotta support me...”

“I do! I do support you, really.” He reached out to cup her face in his hand before softly rubbbing her cheek with his thumb for a brief moment and she smiled up at him.

Me on the other hand, I stood watching them in complete confusion. “What's uh... what's going on here?” I asked and Nessie turned to look at me as Jake began to explain.

“It's her name. She doesn't like it,” he said as she smirked and shook her head.

“You know it's more than that, Jacob.” She let out a breath before finally beginning to explain herself. “I can't just show up at a new school with the name 'Renesmee.' As beautiful of a tribute it is to my grandmas, I will not survive high school time after time with a name like that.”

I nodded my head once in understanding. She had a good point-- kids are horrible these days. I could only imagine the kind of ridicule she'd face and the nicknames people would surely come up with. “I mean... that makes sense to _me_. Your parents aren't behind you?”

She looked down at her feet in embarrassment. “It's not that they don't support me, they simply don't understand. Mom is especially hurt by it and I think Dad is just going along with her because he loves her and all.”

“Okay, so what did you want to change your name to instead?” I wondered and at this question she lifted her head to grin in my direction.

“Well, I proposed that at each school we go to, I will simply change my name to that of a middle name from any one of the strong female influences in my life,” Jake looked over at her with a loving smile and she happily looked up at him while continuing to talk. “My parents argument about my name is that it was meant to be a tribute so I just figured this can be a tribute all it's own. I want to honor all of the wonderful role models around me.”

“That's a cool idea and all, but won't that be confusing for everyone in the family? I mean, changing names like that all the time... I feel like they might slip up once in a while and call you by the wrong name, won't they?”

Ness was quick to answer me with a question of her own. “Don't you think it would be a much bigger slip-up for my mom to get so angry that people are picking on me because of my name that she goes all vampire-hulk-mamabear on some random human? Or my dad since he could hear everything everyone was thinking?”

I reached up to rub at the back of my neck and chuckled nervously. “Yeah...yeah I guess that makes sense.”

“Besides,” she added, “I _know_ they'd freak out. They could hardly control themselves when they found out about the social media account I made and was instantly attacked for that name. It wouldn't be any different in real life.”

“Does that mean you'll keep changing your name at home too? Like... what should I call you?” I wondered aloud and her smile widened.

“Just call me Carlie. I like my middle name because it's fairly normal in comparison to my _real_ name.” She shrugged her shoulders, “Everyone else said it won't be a problem to remember Carlie at home and whatever in school. But _someone_ just can't seem to grasp the concept...” Her eyes gravitated over to Jake and he looked at her sheepishly.

“I'll get it by the time we move, alright? Sorry I don't have freakishly-perfect memory like the _rest_ of your family...” Jake teased and Ness—I mean Carlie –reached up to lightly hit him on the arm.

“Point is,” she said while turning to face me once more, “I want to have a normal life as much as humanly possible, you know? And I just don't think I can have that with my actual name. I already have a weird life as it is and I don't need any added stress. Plus, I kind of like the idea of starting over every few years and being whoever and whatever I want. It's almost like improv acting or something.”

Chuckling, I agreed with her. “If you're into that, sure. _Carlie_,” I emphasized her new name and she beamed over at me.

“Anyway, Jacob,” she said as he turned to look at her, “I really think you should go with Embry. Everyone needs someone in their corner for support. This is kind of a big deal.”

“Yeah, man. It's a _really_ big deal,” I repeated to him while he looked between the two of us.

“And I promise,” Carlie went on, “that the packing will get done regardless of you being here for a few extra hours or not.”

With a small smile, he nodded his head, “Alright, fine... Let's get going then.” He then faced Carlie once more, “I'll see you later?”

“I'll be here,” she said and he offered her a friendly wave before walking passed me to the front door where I followed close behind after giving a lone nod in his imprint's direction.

Once we were outside and out of earshot, I picked up my pace slightly so I could walk beside Jake. “So that name thing... when did she decide all of that?”

Jake thought for a moment before responding. “A couple weeks ago I think? I'm not really sure but it was pretty recent. She's just been so stressed lately with the move and everything... I think it's really getting to her.”

I furrowed my brows and focused ahead of us as we began walking through the dense woods in the direction of the reservation. “Stressed? Why?”

“Think about it, Bry. This will be her first time going to a public school. They offered her to stay home with Esme for the first year or so until she got her bearings but she didn't like the idea of sitting trapped in the house all day, even though I told her I could skip with her.” He shook his head as if to organize the thoughts and memories roaming his brain. “But she wants to go to school and I don't blame her. Honestly, I think she'll be just fine but she thinks she won't fit in.”

I laughed at the thought. She'd always seemed normal to me despite the crazy fast growing thing. “How wouldn't she fit in? Isn't she done growing or whatever?”

“Exactly,” he agreed, “according to that Nahuel dude Alice and Jasper found, she is done growing and Carlisle says mentally she is up to par with people in their 20's even though technically she's only 7.”

“So what is she worried about then?” I couldn't help but question and Jake sighed sadly.

“She doesn't think she will fit in socially with everyone and be on the same level grade-wise with her classmates.” He jeered at this idea of hers and went on. “I keep telling her she'll be just fine, but she doesn't believe me. You know her, she's stubborn just like Bella.”

“I think I get it. She wants to do this name thing to fit in better with everyone, huh? Not draw attention to herself and whatnot,” I stated and Jake nodded his head.

“It makes me sad though, the name thing, but not for the same reasons that Bella has and all.” He stopped walking for a moment and I quit walking too to turn and look at him as he explained. “It's just... I knew the name was crazy when Bella picked it out but I didn't say anything. That's why I started calling her Nessie and then Ness because I wanted to establish anything other than that name for her since one day she might want something more...normal. But then Bella went on that rampage saying it was like the loch ness monster and I _know_ that Ness—Carlie, she sees it as almost worse to be called that.”

“Worse to be called Ness and Nessie?”

“She said it's like her name is a monster which is a reflection of her because she isn't human or even a vampire like the rest of her family. It's complicated,” Jake settled on and I frowned while glancing down at my feet and then back up to him.

“Her name is unique though,” I countered, “she doesn't see it like that?”

“Absolutely not,” he replied. “She says her name makes her feel like a literal monster along with her biology. As for the whole 'unique' argument... her parents tried that route to make her feel better. They tried to tell her how special she is and that she's this one of a kind person but Carlie... she just doesn't see it that way.”

“Trust me, man, you don't have to tell me. Quil and I rode that train of weird names. It gets to you after a while.” I chuckled to myself and began walking towards the reservation once again with Jake following me at my pace. “At least her name has meaning behind it though. I got a sexy soap-opera star name for the rest of my _existence_.”

“Eh, you rock it though,” he told me with a laugh and a hard slap on the back.

“I see things are shifting between you and Carlie,” I noted as we continued to walk through the woods and Jake shrugged his shoulders.

“You know, it's weird,” Jake replied thoughtfully while focusing on the terrain ahead of us. “Everyone has assumed this whole time that imprinting is this... this inherently romantic thing, right? But with Carlie it's... it's not like that at _all_, even though she's now fully aged and all that.”

“What do you mean?”

“It's like,” he began only to pause and re-think his words before continuing. “I don't see her in a romantic way? And I don't think I ever will, honestly. She's like this sister, best friend, kindred spirit type of connection.”

“Oh,” was all I could manage to say. Jake began laughing at this and I soon turned to look at him in curiosity. “What's so funny?”

“Nothing, it's just,” he let out a chuckle again before calming himself enough to finish talking. “She hasn't told anybody yet, just me, but she's like... she's pretty sure that she isn't straight.”

“Wait—like... like sexually? She's not straight?” I repeated and Jake nodded his head.

“So like I said, she's not into sex for obvious reasons, but we've had a lot of heart-to-heart type conversations, and she's afraid to bring it up,” he stopped to take a long breath in. “I told her maybe to wait until she hits that 18 mark so they couldn't make a fuss, but I doubt they will. There's just a lot of questioning things in her mind and I like that I have somebody so close, who's a woman, in my life without that romantic aspect.”

“Like Bella?” I suggested and Jake nodded his head slowly.

“Sort of, but I don't feel how I felt for Bella with Carlie.” He shrugged his shoulders. “It's different. It's not what we all thought it was-- this imprinting thing. I even feel like maybe someday, I could go on and have a romantic relationship should the time come. But Carlie will always be my number one-- like a family member. Like a niece I guess.”

We walked for a while in silence, the only sound between us the crunching of the snow beneath our feet as we weaved through the trees of the woods. With our long strides, I continued to consider the points that Jake had made up.

All my life since phasing, I'd assumed that Imprinting was this soul-mate force on our souls because of our wolfy genes. And yet... somehow... it's not? It's almost like the imprint gives you what you need, and whether that's love or a lifelong connection to your best friend... it gives it to you.

Suddenly I found renewed hope in this. If it could happen for Jake, did that mean that all other imprinting that feels terrifying and straight up gross and wrong... could it all just be what Jake had described? Best friends for life?

It didn't take all that long to get to La Push and as we grew nearer to Sam and Emily's house, I couldn't help but think back to what Ma had said earlier about Jake leaving Billy behind.

So with great care and empathy, I decided to ask him. “You think it will be hard and all? Leaving your dad behind?”

Jake eyed me for a moment as if trying to figure out my motivation behind the question but decided to answer anyway. “Sure, sure. It'll be _really_ hard to leave him but he wanted me to go with the Cullens oddly enough.”

This surprised me. “Wait-- really? He told you he wanted you to go?”

“I mean, not in so many words,” Jake said hesitantly. “But he knows that it's really hard to be away from imprints. So I don't think he _wants_ me to go so much as understands and gives me his blessing.”

“Will he be okay?” I asked and Jake waved a nonchalant hand at me.

“Oh yeah. He has plenty of people on the rez to help him if he really needs it and Charlie is always over visiting _anyway_.” Jake smirked to himself. “It's probably good for them-- they can keep each other company with Bella and I gone. Honestly, I'm not that worried because my dad is a strong, independent guy. I'm just sad is all.”

“You'll still visit and all though, right?” The words came out faster and more intense than I'd wanted them to, but Jake merely smiled and nodded his head as we approached Sam and Emily's place.

“Don't worry, Bry. You can't get rid of me _that_ easily.”

And with that, we climbed the stairs leading up to Sam's front door; both of us exchanging a look before taking a deep breath as I reached out to knock three times.

Guess there wasn't much turning back now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's Song: "Sparks" - Coldplay
> 
> Lemme know what you think of this chapter and some of the character choices I've made!


	8. Ghosts of Love Long Since Passed

Waiting for an answer to our knock on the door was agony. The few seconds it took for someone to open the door to us felt like it lasted for hours and the two of us simply stood silently beside one another. I'm sure Jake could feel the anxiety radiating out of me at what we were about to do, but he had already tried to talk me out of this crazy notion I'd had and honestly, it was kind of too late to turn back now.

I knew I couldn't wait much longer given Jake's eventual absence in the coming new year. While I had nothing against giving the pack over to Leah (honestly, she'd probably be able to whip everyone into shape with her 'tough love' attitude) I knew that once she _was_ in charge, any issues between Sam and I would be left to their devices. Tough love is good and all, but I wasn't entirely confident at what would happen if Sam and I had to work things out on our own without someone like Jake as our mediator.

So the time was now. Now, or never.

At the door swinging open, I disconnected from my intense thought process and blinked a few time to refocus my eyes onto the person standing before us: Emily. In her arms was one of their children, the youngest who wasn't more than a few months old, and while she looked tired she was as cheerful as ever.

“Jacob! Embry! What a surprise!” She exclaimed as she bounced her child in her arms.

“It's great to see you, Emily,” Jake replied with a smile of his own and I offered a small upturn of my lips though she didn't seem to notice.

“I'd give you both a hug but I'm afraid if I stop rocking this little guy he won't want to take his nap here in a few minutes,” she explained but we shrugged it off before she continued. “To what do I owe this pleasure? Is everything okay?”

There was a dash of worry laced in her voice, but Jake was quick to dismiss it. “Everything is just fine. We were just here to see if we could talk to Sam...”

Emily's joyful expression fell slightly and I knew what she was thinking as her eyes briefly looked in my direction before returning to Jake. “Are you sure? I thought you'd called an order for—”

But Jake quickly shook his head and cut her off mid-sentence. “Some new...information has come to light and we just wanted to discuss it with him, that's all.”

For the first time in the conversation as we stood in the doorway, I chimed in to add a tiny detail I thought might give Emily some relief at my presence here. “Jake here is being our referee.”

Emily eyed the two of us for a moment before reluctantly nodding her head. “That might be best. The arrival of Sam's dad has caused him to be a bit... disconnected. Whatever you have to say, I hope it helps him find some kind of peace.”

She pulled the door open a bit more to let us inside the house; Jake responding to her previous comment as we walked through the threshold. “I think it will offer some kind of an explanation in the very least. We were hoping that it might... it might make him want to talk to Joshua.”

Emily closed the door behind us and nodded her head solemnly as we stood waiting for her to lead the way to Sam. “I've tried to convince him he should do that exactly but he won't budge no matter what I say. I wish you two the best of luck.” With a brief pause she picked up on her cheerful disposition and gestured with her head to follow her. “Sam should be in the living room.”

Jake and I followed behind Emily and child to their living room. Their couch was directly facing the television which was on, but that meant that Sam-- who's head we could see just above the back of the couch-- wasn't facing us and had no idea who was here.

“Sam, you have some visitors,” Emily said carefully and waited for him to turn around and meet Jake and I with narrowed eyes and a clenched jaw.

“What are _you two_ doing here.” There was no hint of a question in his tone, it was a demand and Emily frowned in Sam's direction from where she stood beside us.

“Now, now Sam. Be nice... they're just here to talk,” she scolded him before turning to face Jake and I with a soft and sympathetic smile. “I'm just going to put this one down for a nap and check on Lucy in the playroom.”

With a pivot on her feet, she turned to head in the direction of the bedrooms before stopping mid-stride and looking over her shoulder at the three of us. “And absolutely no fighting in this house, you hear me? The last thing we need is that kind of negativity in here.” With that, she disappeared into the hallway to leave the three of us awkwardly exchanging looks in silence.

After about a solid minute of listening to Sam's program on TV in the background, he finally spoke up before turning back around to the original position he'd been in when we first entered the living room.

“Are you two going to sit down or what?”

Almost scrambling, Jake and I made our way to the opposite side of their sectional couch and took a seat; Jake making sure he was in between Sam and I just to be safe.

Before we could even get out a 'hello,' Sam was on the case. “Well you've come here to talk, might as well get talking.”

I looked over to Jake who kept his eyes on Sam. “We came here to talk to you about the situation with Joshua.”

Sam smirked devoid of any humor and reached for the remote to mute the TV his eyes were fixated on. “I kind of figured that's why you were here. What about him? And if it's to try and get me to talk to him again, you can just leave because that will _never_ happen.”

“You might want to after you hear what we have to say,” I said loudly at first before quieting my tone to be mindful of not starting an argument like Emily had requested just moments early.

“I highly doubt whatever you have to say to me is going to make me change my mind.” Sam's tone was final and without waiver. But I imagined he had no actual understanding of just what we'd come here to tell him.

“Will you at least listen to what Embry has to say?” Jake asked him and Sam shook his head minimally as if to himself before answering.

“He's still here, isn't he?” he responded before sighing and sitting himself up more straight before reaching for the remote to turn the television off altogether. “Go ahead, Embry,” he finally said after a moment but this time his tone was more tired than angry.

Clearing my throat I nodded my head and jumped in to the delicate situation we'd found ourselves in. “So I talked to Joshua recently...”

“Yeah, I heard he was staying at your place now. That true?” His tone was pointed.

I glanced down at my feet while muttering, “Guess good news travels fast...”

“So it _is _true. Was that _your_ idea or your mom's?” he paused before saying through gritting teeth, “Or _Joshua's_?”

“It doesn't matter who's _idea_ it was, Sam,” I snapped back before taking a breath to steady myself and continue in a softer voice. “Who did you hear that from anyway?”

“My mom. It didn't take long before people realized Joshua was back in town-- I think someone from the pack may have let it slip but it doesn't matter.” He stopped to turn his head and face the blank TV while continuing to talk. “_Somehow_ word got back to my mom and she called me in a fit of rage and sobs about an hour before you two showed up.”

“I'm sorry she found out that way,” I offered the apology, but Sam didn't seem very receptive.

“Personally, I'm sorry she found out _at all_. She's cried enough for a hundred lifetimes over that... that... _trash_ of a human being.” He was shaking his head again and I could see him bouncing his knee anxiously.

Sensing the tension this particular facet of conversation was ultimately heading, Jake redirected the conversation in true mediator fashion. “I think I speak for all of us when I say that what Joshua did was the furthest thing from okay or acceptable behavior, but what Embry has found out might offer some kind of explanation.”

“The only explanation that man has for what he did to my mom and I is that he is, like I said, a trashbag of a person,” Sam reiterated but I leaned towards him from where I sat to offer up my counterpoint to his statement.

“What he did wasn't entirely his fault, okay?” I found myself compelled to defend Joshua, not because he was my dad or anything, but because he wasn't here to defend his actions or motivations. Words flew out of my mouth that, in hindsight, I wished I'd never really said because it made me sympathetic to what he did but once the words were out, it wasn't like I could take them back. “He-he didn't really see another choice so he reacted how he did which, yes, was a _horrible _reaction and he definitely could have handled it better, but he's sorry and--”

Sam laughed which stopped my momentum. “Oh! Oh, he's _sorry_. Well surely that makes it all okay, doesn't it?” Sam glared at me then, his eyes baring through my very soul. “All of this is so easy for you to dismiss because it isn't like he destroyed your mom and family. It isn't like you--”

“Like I grew up without a father?” I retorted immediately, my defense coming to my own aid at this point. “Like I saw my mom struggle to raise me all by herself? Like I didn't go to sleep almost every night listening to her cry in her room over something and someone I didn't even know the _identity_ to?”

Sam sat silently on his side of the couch as he watched me while I continued to rant before him. “At least you _had_ other family, Sam. Despite everything Joshua did, you have _always_ known who you are and where you came from. I on the other hand, am only _just now_ finding out about my origins-- about the family my mom left behind because she was young and didn't even _know_ Joshua was married and already had a kid.”

I was huffing and puffing at this point like the literal wolf in the three little pig story, no pun intended. My chest felt like it was closing in around my vital organs and it took Jake setting a sympathetic hand on my shoulder for me to reign in the emotions I'd been feeling over the passed week.

I refocused my attention on Sam who was looking at me with a newfound sense of empathy. “You know, you act like we are so different, like you have to compare your trauma with mine and you just... you just _don't_.”

“Embry...” Jake said in a careful manner, but I continued despite his warning.

“Joshua ruined _both_ of our childhoods and, let's be honest, a lot of the rest of our lives. We will _never_ be the kinds of people we could have if we'd grown up with father figures who loved and cared for our mothers but you know what? We didn't.”

“Embry, maybe you should--” Jake tried but I waved him off.

“No, Jake. He has to hear this,” I turned my head to face him with a serious expression before Jake nodded once and I returned my attention to Sam. “Instead _we _had to love and take care of our mothers who were broken after what that man did to _each_ of them respectively. And you know what?”

“What?” Sam responded in curiosity and after I shook off the initial shock of Sam calmly answering my hypothetical question, I went on.

“Just because that man is living in my house now, it doesn't mean that I _forgive_ him for what he's done to both you _and_ me.” I shut my eyes softly and took a deep breath before fluttering my eyes open to continue. “After talking to my mom and to him separately, I don't forgive him for what he did-- I never will. I don't forgive him in the slightest, but now I understand why.”

Sam watched me with a blank expression before I explained further. “You see, that's the important difference here, Sam. If you don't hear what he has to say, what I'm here to tell you, then you'll live the rest of your life angry and bitter because of what he did instead of taking the time to figure out _why_ he did what he did.”

Silence settled between the three of us as Sam processed everything I'd just said. I hadn't yelled or tried to start an argument, but I was firm and doing what I imagined was the very definition of 'tough love.'

Whatever it was that I'd just demonstrated, tough love or not, it worked because Sam licked his lips and took a breath before looking at me with softer eyes. “You made some good points there, Embry.”

My eyes widened. “I-I did?”

“Yes,” he said with a slight nod of his head. “I had no right to invalidate what you went through just because the circumstances were different from mine. I never thought to look at everything from your point of view and see that what you said was completely right.” He paused but at my lack of response, he went on to further explain his statement. “That you had basically had the same childhood I had with the additional stress of not having any other family to turn to.”

I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at my hands which were laying limp on my lap. “Honestly, it's fine, Sam.”

“But it isn't. What I did was wrong and insensitive. You just... you kind of hide it really well. Everything that you go through.”

I smirked before turning my gaze upward at where he sat. “No sense in bringing everyone else down with my issues.”

“You know Embry, you may think you don't have other family, but you really do.”

“I know, it's just--” I tried, but he cut me off with a lone hand telling me to stop.

“No, Embry. What Jake said at the bonfire about all of us being family in the pack-- it's all true. You may be my half-brother, but in a more important sense, you are my _brother_.” He was nodding his head as he spoke, his words coming out earnestly and I searched his eyes for some kind of punchline to the prank he was pulling on me by being so understanding. As hard as I searched, I couldn't find one.

For a moment, I thought that Sam might _actually _be willing to talk to Joshua without me having to break the news about the imprinting after all. I could walk out of here with Jake and know that all I had to do was push Sam in the right direction and he'd go-- _willingly_ at that.

With hope in my voice, I asked Sam my question with a small smile. “So you'll talk to him then? You'll talk to Joshua?”

Sam pressed his lips together in a hard line before exhaling loudly and then shaking his head. “No, Embry. I won't.”

And with that, the moment I'd imagined was gone.

My face fell entirely and Jake was quick to speak my thoughts as I sat on the couch silently; consumed in shock at Sam's answer. “After all that you're seriously still not going to talk to him, Sam? Really?”

“It's not personal to Embry or anything,” he defended himself, “I just don't really think I'm in a place where I want to hear anything that he has to say.”

“Well when _will _you be? In this 'place' that is?” Jake pressed and Sam eyed him curiously with mild irritation lining his face.

“I don't know, _Jacob. _It isn't like something like this is just easy to get over and want to talk to the perpetrator about it.”

“But--” Jake tried, though Sam was once again quick to silence him.

“Look, Embry and I are cool, okay? I don't harbor animosity to him because after all, it's Joshua who did all of this, not Embry.” Sam explained, though I shook myself out of my shock to respond to what he'd just said.

“And my Ma?” I asked him, “Are you going to hold this grudge against her now that Joshua is back and living at my house?”

This caused Sam to pause and think about my question for a moment. “Honestly? I don't know, Embry.”

“_That's_ why you have to talk to him, Sam,” Jake told him. “There's so much more going on that you need to understand.”

“Well why can't you two just tell me if it's so important? Huh?” He questioned and Jake and I looked at each other before I chose to answer.

“Because I don't think you'd believe me. Us.” I simply stated and Sam merely crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the two of us with a challenging expression.

“Oh yeah? Try me.”

I chewed on my lip briefly before breathing in sharply. “You just... you can't get mad all over again when I tell you.”

“Okay.”

“And you have to listen to everything before you make a decision about talking to Joshua,” I added and Sam rolled his eyes but agreed anyway.

“Sure, fine. Now what is it?”

“Just listen with an open mind, okay? I don't want you to--” but Sam once again cut me off.

“Embry, just come out with it already!” He exclaimed in exasperation and I then blurted out the words involuntarily before I could even think about how I should word them.

“Joshua imprinted on my Ma.”

Silence.

After a good minute, Sam swallowed hard before saying something. “That's...it's...that's _impossible_.”

“Is it though?” I countered as Jake then came to my aid.

“Think about it, Sam,” he slowly said as if trying to ease him into believing what I'd told him. “He's phasing, he _was_ phasing at the time he met Tiffany. It's entirely possible.”

“Yeah, it might be _possible_ but obviously he's just lying to get out of doing what he did,” Sam said, simply dismissing the entire concept as real.

“I really don't think he's lying, Sam,” I said in a soft voice in hopes he would see how delicately I was treading with this terrifying concept.

“And why's that? You have to know my fath—Joshua, he's a liar, okay? He just convinced you of something so he wouldn't be held accountable.” Sam was bargaining with us and as he looked rapidly between Jake and I, I knew he was searching desperately for a way that what we were telling him wasn't true.

“Sam, he didn't even know what imprinting _was_ until I explained it to him,” I tried to tell him, but he still wasn't having it.

“So basically you introduced the concept to him and then he latched onto it thinking it was an easy way to be excused from a messy situation that _he_ created,” Sam simply defended and I shook my head while closing my eyes in frustration.

“It wasn't _like_ that, man,” I spouted back before taking a breath and calmly explaining to him just how everything had gone down. “Listen, I had talked to my Ma and after she explained the first time they met, I kind of pieced a lot of it together. So then I went to find Joshua and confronted him about it, and he had no idea what I was even talking about, so I explained it to him and then he told me his side of the story and it just... it all made sense. All the signs point to imprinting, Sam.”

“How would you even know though, Embry?” Sam asked and I knew immediately where he was headed with his question. “It isn't like you've imprinted so how would you know?”

“Sam, you don't have to--” Jake tried to defend me but I just waved him off while maintaining eye contact with Sam.

“Sure, I haven't imprinted,” I said slowly, “but I've seen _countless_ others imprint and have their imprint-y thoughts firsthand so I think I know how it works. At least well enough to know an imprint when I see one.”

“Well you can't prove it even if it is true,” Sam stated while leaning back into the couch with a stubborn attitude oozing out of him.

“That's just it, we think that we maybe could...” Jake hinted but Sam didn't pick up on what he was suggesting.

“And how do you plan to do that exactly?” He wondered aloud and I glanced at Jake before looking to Sam once more.

“We figured the both of you could phase and you could see his memories firsthand and feel how he feels about my Ma,” I suggested outright and Sam's eyes widened at the idea.

“Me? You want _me_ to go digging in his thoughts for proof of an imprint? Really? Tell me now, why would I do that?”

Jake leaned in towards Sam, his elbows resting on his legs as he did so. “Aren't you even the slightest bit curious if what we are saying is true? Think about it-- you could be the one to either prove or disprove our theory and if we're wrong, then you could be the one to stick it to him that he's lying.”

Sam shook his head, still firm in his decision but I could tell something in him was wavering just slightly. “Why can't you do it then, Jake? Or Paul? Or Jared? Or Quil even? Why does it have to be me?”

“Well, to be frank, it's just that--” Jake began but I decided to go with the blunt approach.

“Because it's basically the exact situation you were in back when you first imprinted.”

Sam sat stunned on the couch and while I knew he realized what I was talking about, I needed him to say something in response to what I'd just said. In an effort to elicit some kind of acknowledgment to my statement, I dug the knife in a little deeper.

“You know... You. Leah. Emily--”

“Yeah, yeah, I _know,_ Embry. You don't think I know?” He looked down at his lap as if lost in thought, lost in the memories of that horrible time in Sam's life that both he and Leah never spoke of.

We let him think for a moment before I spoke up once again. “I guess we just thought that, with your history, you might understand better of how feelings like that would work. The confliction and all that.”

Sam kept his gaze downward and spoke softly as if to himself more than Jake or me. “It's never easy... the imprinting.”

I hadn't wanted to bring all of that up for him. I realized how difficult it had been for him when he joined up the two packs and began to hear Leah's thoughts once more. While time had dulled the pain that was permanently attached to Leah and the guilt that followed Sam around on a daily basis, it hadn't made it go away completely. The tension between the two remained, ever present, ever looming as a constant memory of what could have been had Sam not imprinted on Leah's second cousin all those years back.

With a soft sigh and without any encouragement or warning, Sam then began to explain the story we knew of but had never really heard the entirety of-- at least not from Sam or Leah themselves. Jake and I sat silently beside him on the couch, completely engrossed in Sam's every word though he never looked up to gauge our reactions to his tragic tale.

“I'd met Emily many times before I'd first phased. She was nice enough but I was dating Leah and had been for a few years so I never thought more of Emily than the fact that she was her cousin and that one day she'd be my kind-of cousin too.” He shook his head at the comment and smirked to himself. “Leah had always teased me that Emily had a crush on me but I always dismissed it. She'd tease me about it and I'd just tell her that I was some hot commodity and she was lucky to have me.”

I watched intently as Sam recalled the memory out loud, a smile on his face, though wistful, at the relationship that was ultimately destroyed.

“Leah always told me that we were lucky to have _each other_ and, of course, I'd always agree because we were. We had been high school sweethearts and, at the time, were deeply in love. I couldn't imagine life without Leah and she couldn't imagine it without me.” He sighed, his smile now fading to nothing and he softly shut his eyes as if the memories were a movie playing only for him on the screen that was behind his lids.

“But then I phased,” he said bluntly as if it were some kind of secret he'd been hiding from the two of us. “Everything was new and there weren't any other wolves at that point so I stayed phased for a good week or two-- it's hard to remember exactly how long, but I was in wolf-form for quite a while.”

Sam readjusted where he sat as if he'd been sitting on pins and needles this entire time. For fear that he would stop telling his story, Jake and I remained quiet and let him tell it on his own time, after all, we hadn't egged him on or anything-- he was just telling us because he _wanted_ to and we happily obliged and were curious to listen to his every word and memory.

“Thankfully, after I returned to human form and was left naked and alone in the woods, our Quileute elders had been out looking for me because Leah was really worried and had asked for help looking for me since I'd sort of disappeared without warning,” Sam spewed the details out fast as if it were all being forced out of him by his own conscience.

Finally, he took a steadying breath and continued. “They explained to me what was going on and how all the legends I'd grown up with were true. Naturally, as you both are very well aware of, it was all very jarring to say the least.”

We nodded our heads in agreement though Sam never bothered to look up from his lap.

“After I had calmed down slightly and was clothed, I went straight to Leah's house to explain what had happened, or at least the best that I could.” His face contorted to one of almost pain and happiness somehow infused in one expression. “But Emily was there...”

He swallowed hard as if trying to fight back tears that were probably a mixture of hurt and joy at what he was about to recall next. “She'd come to support Leah because I'd been missing for so long and while they were cousins, they were also best friends.”

I watched as Sam's hands squeezed into two tight fists and he lightly hit his thigh once in frustration. “Emily had only been here to support _Leah_ for what had happened... I never even got the chance to explain!”

Inside, I wanted to ask what he did. I wanted to push him to continue his story because it must have been weighing on him for so long to never tell others what had happened. I glanced over at Jake in almost desperation but he motioned for me to be quiet and just listen without speaking. This was Sam's moment, and neither of us wanted to derail him from finally speaking out about what his imprinting process had been like.

“Anyway,” Sam finally continued after a moment, “I walked in the door of the Clearwater's and everyone was relieved to see me, especially Leah. I went to hug her and she cried into my shoulder the way she had other times in our relationship. 'I'm so lucky to have you,' she whispered in my ear-- I'll never forget those words for as long as I live.”

_I'm so lucky to have you_, I could almost hear Leah say in my head like a distant echo of a memory that had never been mine in the first place.

“But she _wasn't_ lucky to have me,” Sam continued, “because right as she said those words, Emily emerged from the bathroom and entered the room. The _moment_ our eyes met, I felt the world crumble beneath me and the walls began to cave in and crush me right where I stood in Leah's arms.”

Sam paused as if trying to decide whether or not to continue, but he did nonetheless. “Emily smiled at me and merely said, 'It's so good to see you home safe, we've all been worried.' It was like I was hearing her speak for the first time and the words out of her mouth were some kind of siren's song pulling me in to the water before I knew I was too deep to escape.”

The way he described the imprint was almost painful-- it was as if the memory was something so hurtful the only way to move forward was to block it all out entirely. I couldn't believe he was digging and unpacking all of this. All the while, I found myself wondering why he was doing it in the first place.

“The feelings I felt, the way the imprint dug it's claws into me made me dizzy and as I tried to fight the feelings threatening to unhinge my entire life in seconds, I... well... I fainted.”

Sam's story played in my imagination like a movie and I imagined Sam falling into Leah's arms as everyone around them panicked and tried to get him somewhere safe while he was passed out.

“A few minutes later, I woke up in a panic from where I had been put on the couch, but Leah was there to sooth me. She sat beside me and adjusted the cool washcloth she'd placed on my forehead and asked how I was doing.” He clenched his jaw as if fighting back the memory though it found it's way out of his mouth despite his clear disapproval. “I told her I was alright and that I was probably just tired and needed some rest. Honestly, I thought I'd imagined the whole thing and because I didn't know what imprinting was at the time, I didn't realize what it had done to me or that, as I lay on the Clearwater's couch, the imprint was just staying dormant inside me until Emily appeared once again.”

“Of course though, the minute she appeared again, an eruption of feelings began to fight inside of me once again. It was as if my own untouched feelings were this small faction of soldiers and the imprint feelings for Emily were an entire army poised to destroy any lingering feelings within me.” Sam shook his head and reached up with one hand to rub at the bridge of his nose. “So I jumped up from the couch and left their house as fast as I could, as if I could outrun what was happening inside me.”

My mind demanded to know the next scene in the movie that was Sam's past, but I kept quiet knowing that, in time, I'd learn the specifics of what I knew ended with Sam and Emily's eventual marriage and Leah's eternal betrayal by it.

“The next day, I went to the elders and told them what had happened because I was terrified and I had to know the feelings would go away so I could go back to being happy with Leah.” Sam smiled a sad sort of smile. “Unfortunately for me, they knew exactly what had happened, although it hadn't really happened to anyone they knew-- it was a long told legend for our people who make the shift.”

“At the time, they explained it as soulmates. Which, obviously, you know that that is pretty much what it is but I didn't want to believe it.” Sam at last looked up but avoided our gaze. Instead, he focused upward to where the wall met the ceiling behind us and he stayed on that spot as he continued his story.

“But they told me it was inevitable and that I shouldn't fight it no matter how difficult it was for me to accept. And Harry...” he choked on the name, “he was distraught. But through the pain, he begged me to break up with Leah. He didn't want to see his daughter be strung along by someone who could never love her the way she deserved. He...” he pushed back what I imagine were tears though we never saw them spill over onto his cheeks. “He told me he didn't even _blame_ me for the imprint because I had no control but...”

It had been years since Harry Clearwater had died and I struggled to remember the details of his face in my head-movie. Sam on the other hand seemed to picture him so clearly it was as if he were standing in front of him in the very living room we were occupying.

“I have spent so many years fighting this guilt,” he mumbled. “I've replayed everything in my head countless times trying to figure out if there was any way around what happened. Even now, even though I'm so happy with Emily and our kids... to hurt Leah like that is something I never wanted to do.” He shut his eyes lightly and pursed his lips in an effort to stop the pain he was recalling.

“We both tried to fight it,” a sudden voice filled the room. Jake and I turned our heads to see Emily emerge from the hallway she'd disappeared in what felt like hours ago. Sam merely opened his eyes at her voice; his eyes welled with tears that refused to drop.

Emily slowly walked towards all of us, clearly trying to finish the story for Sam as he was struggling pretty hard to finish what he'd started. “After he broke up with Leah, he went to find me and professed his love for me.”

Sam shook his head and buried his face in his hands as if to hide himself from the three of us in shame. “Leah,” he mumbled through his hands, “she was so distraught. She kept asking me why and how I could-could _do_ something like that to her. She even... she _apologized_ as if it was _her_ who had done something wrong,” As Sam spoke into his hands, Emily finally made her way to his side and she placed a hand on his knee while lowering herself to sit on the floor.

As she rubbed his leg, she went on though she focused her eyes on Sam just above her. “Initially I told him I couldn't be with him, even though I had pretty strong feelings for him at the time. Instead, I told Sam to leave much harsher than I should have and immediately called Leah to tell her what had happened.”

Emily sighed sadly. “I don't know why I even called Leah. I knew it would hurt her, but the naive part of me thought she might like an explanation and that it would give her a sense of closure. Foolishly, another part of me even hoped she'd give me her blessing to proceed with Sam, but of course Leah said no such thing.”

Sam inhaled sharply and finally freed his face from his hands though averted our eyes and instead looked down at Emily who stared up at him in sad understanding. “I went to Emily's house the next day, I ran in wolf form to get there faster and arrived pretty early in the morning. I wanted to try and explain what had taken place even though I still hardly understood it myself.”

“I was determined to get to the bottom of what happened and why he had this sudden change of affections from Leah to me,” Emily added and Sam nodded down at her as if they were sharing their own private conversation through actions rather than words.

“Her curiosity was all I needed to spill everything that had happened. The legends, the Quileute magic within our blood, all of it-- including the imprinting. I thought for sure it would scare her off, but she was just...” his voice trailed off and with a smile, Emily finished for him.

“I was fascinated,” she said while turning to look directly at both Jake and I. “I was living on another reservation at the time. I'm actually from another tribe, the Makah tribe, though I am half Quileute on my mother's side.”

My eyes widened at her admittance and I couldn't help but speak out for the first time since Sam had begun telling his story. “Did you say the Makah tribe?”

Emily nodded her head with a slightly confused look in her eyes. “Yes, why?”

“That was my Ma's tribe...” my voice was quiet and I could feel the gears turning in my head. “Did you know her before?”

Emily offered a shake of her head before speaking. “No, I didn't. And if I had, I would have been very young and probably would not remember. From what I know, she had left before you were even born, yes?”

I nodded my head in silent agreement. “I guess that would make you kind of young while she was still living there,” I mumbled but then gestured for her to go on. “Sorry, uh, go on.”

“I knew I returned Sam's feelings,” Emily continued as if she had never stopped mid-story to answer my questions. “But, like Sam, I felt like I was betraying Leah by allowing him to pursue me. After all, she was so hurt by what happened and it had still not been long since their breakup. It didn't feel right.”

“So we sort of just got to know each other,” Sam added and Emily smiled minimally.

“Only because you came to my house nearly every day to try and convince me to be with you,” she countered and he just looked down at her sadly.

“Emily kept trying to guide me back to Leah, but no matter what she said I still showed up the next day to try and win her over. At that point, the imprint had practically taken full control of me and I was allowing it to call the shots,” he shook his head but Emily just patted his leg in an effort to get him out of his own head.

“It was only a matter of time before everyone found out what was going on between the two of us,” Emily said. “My mother heard from a few of her friends the rumors running around about Sam and me.”

At the memory, her face fell and this time it was Sam's turn to take over the story for Emily's sake. “Her and her mother got into a big fight because of our budding relationship and told her she was ashamed at her for doing something so hurtful to Leah. So the next time I came over, she demanded I leave the property and go back to Leah.”

“And he _did_ leave,” Emily chimed back in, “but he didn't go back to Leah.”

“I couldn't make her be with me when I knew I had these feelings for Emily. As much as I wanted to fix what I'd done to her, I couldn't hurt her like that on top of what I'd done, it wouldn't be right.” Sam simply stated though I'm sure coming to that conclusion at the time wasn't as simple as he'd made it out to be.

“Ultimately, I was more angry at myself than Sam. In my mind, I was weak for giving in to something I knew was harmful to my best friend and family and so the next time Sam came over to once again attempt to get me to be with him, I lashed out.” Emily's face was twisting in pain from whatever was to come next in the story and I was pretty sure I knew where it was headed.

“We uh, we argued pretty heavily that day. Things had escalated because Emily was being very firm this time about not being with me and that I should return to Leah,” Sam's voice was shaky as he tried to approach the story we'd never heard details about but always saw the aftermath of.

My eyes inadvertently drifted to focus on the deep scars on the right side of her face and it wasn't long before Emily caught my gaze and nodded her head in my direction while reaching up to touch gently at the scraggly lines. “I shouldn't have said what I said. I knew it would hurt him but I thought that it would merely turn him away from wanting to be with me.”

“No, Emily,” Sam insisted but she shook her head definitively and went on.

“I told him that by not confronting the consequences of his actions and taking responsibility for what he'd done to Leah, he was no better than his father,” the words were disjointed as if she were piecing together somebody else's sentence and then telling it to us.

“You actually said that I was just like Joshua,” Sam corrected her and she glared in his direction though he wasn't looking at her. “Honestly it doesn't matter, because it made me angry and hurt and all kinds of feelings that I wasn't ready to confront. While I'd been working on controlling my phasing, I knew that strong emotions, no matter what the emotion was, would threaten to phase me without my command. So before I knew it, I'd exploded into wolf-form and hurt Emily in the process as she'd been standing pretty close to me at the time.”

“After I'd realized what I'd done, and since she wasn't responding and gushing blood, I was so panicked and hysterical that I couldn't bring myself to phase back and get help,” Sam's voice was wavering once again at the memory but seemed to be doing better this time around with Emily by his side.

Sam reached over to grab Emily's hand tightly before he attempted to finish the story. “Thankfully Jared was in wolf-form not too far away so he had seen everything. He was quick to get a hold of Paul and the two of them plus Sue showed up moments later to help.”

“I didn't want him to think this was his fault,” Emily said firmly in hopes Sam would hear the things she was saying though he didn't seem to let it register. I imagined she'd told him this many times and he still didn't believe it. “I tried to tell him I didn't blame him and I wasn't angry, but it was too difficult to talk and Sue kept telling me not to speak because it might make things worse.”

Sam chewed on his lip for a moment but pushed through his discomfort to go forth with the story. “Emily was so smart, she told everyone who didn't know any better, doctors included, that she'd been attacked by a bear. Naturally, they believed her but I couldn't live with myself... I pleaded with her to tell me to kill myself. I literally begged her to say the words but she just wouldn't.”

“Until he told me to do that, I didn't realize how strong this imprinting thing was,” Emily explained. “But after that, I simply told him I loved him too and ever since then, we've been together.”

“At the cost of losing Leah,” Sam added and Emily nodded sadly.

“As you both know, she didn't attend our wedding. Leah and I went from best friends, practically sisters, to... well not to enemies but we just don't talk anymore. And you certainly know of her feelings towards Sam,” her words were strung together with heartbreak and pain.

It was then that I knew why Sam had told us their story-- he'd done so in order to accept my invitation to talk to Joshua after all. The whole story was a display to explain without saying so directly that he knew what it was like to have conflicted feelings and relationships forever destroyed by way of imprint.

And just like I'd predicted, moments later, Sam let go of Emily's hand and met mine and Jake's sympathetic gaze for the first time since he'd begun telling his story.

“Go ahead and arrange for Joshua to come to the beach and I'll be there. Two o'clock.” He pushed himself up to stand before reaching down for Emily's hand to help her up as well. “If he shows, we will talk and I'll give him a chance to explain while also seeing if he's indeed telling the truth.”

Emily reached up to rub at Sam's back. “I hope you know how thankful I am to have you,” she whispered.

My mind fluttered back to the memory Sam had described of Leah telling him how lucky she was to have him. It was as if Emily's figure flickered to that of Leah for a brief moment before my eyes only to return to the scarred woman I had known for years as Sam's companion. Their lives could have been so different had imprinting not interfered and maybe they would have been happy all the same in their respective alternate lives. However, watching Sam and Emily interact told me that this happiness was best for these two.

But the cost for their happiness was Leah's. It wasn't like she had anyone to run into the arms of who could console her for her years of misery and all those built up feelings of betrayal she portrayed as bitterness and anger. Deep down, Leah was just as hurt as Sam's mom and now my Ma and Joshua were to be the next Sam and Emily.

All in all, I was happy that Sam agreed to speak with Joshua, but I knew it wouldn't be easy. As Joshua told his story, Sam would have to re-live his tragic love triangle all over again. It was truly something he would never be able to escape and maybe that was his curse and price to pay towards the imprint.

As Jake and I left their home and we walked silently, Jake back to the Cullens and me to God knows where, my mind kept imagining what life would be like had the imprint never happened-- had

_no _imprinting ever occurred.

There'd be no bitterness in Leah.

Emily wouldn't be sad as she'd never known what it was like to be with Sam.

Allison would either be at peace with Joshua's absence, or even, Joshua may have come home to her eventually.

My Ma could have found love somewhere else and in someone else.

I stopped in my tracks as another thought hit me. If there'd been no imprinting, there'd be no me-- at least not in the sense of who I was now. No phasing, no secrets from Ma, no sneaking out or wondering every day who I was and who my father was or my family for that matter.

As I picked up my feet once more to continue wandering aimlessly in the frosty woods, I focused on this imaginary world without imprints while contemplating just when my time would come for the imprint to inevitably ruin my life like it had so many before me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's Song: "It Takes a Lot to Know a Man" - Damien Rice 
> 
> Sorry it took an extra day to post this chapter, but here it is! Please be sure to leave me some feedback so I know what you are thinking of this story thus far. I really appreciate it!


	9. Spoiler Alert: I Can't Keep a Secret

By the time I'd woken up the next day, Joshua had already left for his meeting with Sam at the beach. Maybe it's a sad thing to admit, but for a few split seconds as I was coming back from my deep sleep into consciousness, I genuinely thought he'd ditched like all those years before and frankly I was ready to find him so I could kick his wolfy ass. Thankfully, for Joshua's sake, my anger subsided as I recalled the day before.

Honestly, I hadn't really expected Sam to agree to meeting with Joshua. I half-expected him to threaten me within an inch of my life and then proceed to kick me out of his house. I'd even imagined him yelling at me from his doorway and shaking his fist only to say, 'And don't ever come back here AGAIN!'

I shook my head of the imaginary scenario only to refocus on something entirely different: the story Sam and, with Emily's help, had told both Jake and me.

It boggled my mind to hear firsthand just how closely his own father mirrored Sam's literal heartbreaking tale. Between the two of them, they were obvious examples of how imprinting could ruin someone's life- shapeshifter or not. I could understand why Leah was the way she was after hearing just what had all gone down. The look of heartbreak was always present in her eyes but she was so strong to go on, every day, knowing she would inevitably see Sam and probably Emily.

If only _everyone_ in the pack had heard that story to the degree Jake and I had- maybe _then_ they wouldn't complain so much about Leah and her attitude.

While the story made me feel for Leah, it also made me realize just how badly Sam's mom Allison must feel; especially with the knowledge of her ex-husband being back in town. I couldn't imagine what that was like- to think your ex all but dead only to show up once more and turn your life upside down.

And Ma... poor Ma. She'd already told me about how horrible everyone had treated her when she first showed up in La Push. I only hoped that it wouldn't go back to that because this time around, no one was there to defend her the way Sarah Black had.

I sighed to myself and looked down at my lap from where I sat on my bed. Sam may be able to understand his father's actions, but Allison never would. Unfortunately for her and my Ma, they'd both be left in the dark to the entirety of what happened between the three of them which hardly seemed fair. If Allison understood everything, she may not despise my Ma quite so much or at least enough to not talk crap about her like she had years ago.

As for my Ma, if she knew everything, like _everything _everything, it would explain so much for her. Allison may not understand imprinting, but she _does_ know about the Quileute legends and that they're real which makes life so much easier for Sam. If Ma knew the truth about what's been going on, she'd see that I haven't been sneaking out because of drugs or whatever other theories she's cooked up in her brain. Not to mention, she'd at least somewhat understand why Joshua left so long ago- not just _her_ but why he left La Push in the first place.

I chewed on my lip while staring down to hyperfixate on the wrinkles of my bed sheets.

So much of me wanted to tell her everything. I mean, if I were being completely honest with myself, she _deserved_ to know everything after what she'd been through. However, at the same time, I was afraid to spill the wolfy beans to her. In the past, my reasons for not telling her mostly relied on the fact that I didn't want her to know I knew some of my 'potential' fathers not to mention I didn't want her to feel obligated to talk to me about any of that stuff.

The only problem was that now I knew the identity of my father, a whole _new _slew of problems had arose in my mind. What if it was too much to understand and she had some kind of aneurysm or a heart-attack like Harry had when Leah and Seth phased? Or what if she wasn't shocked, but afraid of what I was in my spare time? Or instead of fear, what if she was angry? What if it changed how she acted around me or talked to me? What if everything we had based our relationship on was suddenly different in her eyes and she didn't love me the same way ever again?

Sure, that last one was a sort-of ridiculous notion, but it had always been my main fear when the thought of telling her ever popped into my brain. If I were being entirely truthful, it had always been the root cause of my hesitation in telling her the truth even before I knew that Joshua was my father.

Ultimately, there was only a couple reasons to tell her and so many more in favor of _not_ telling her.

Seth's words from a few days ago suddenly resounded in my mind; words that had helped me talk to Joshua in the first place and I fought to ignore them as they screamed in surround sound inside my skull.

_Isn't your mom's happiness worth the conversation?_

I frowned at the memory of Seth's unusually wise words as they came back to haunt me. In an effort to shut them up, I pushed myself up off of the bed to slap some clothes on and make my way down the stairs in search for some food. After all, if it was _anything_ that could shut Seth's advice up, it was the growling of my starving stomach.

As I reached the landing of the stairs and began to make my way into the kitchen for my food hunt, I stopped mid-footstep at the sound of the television playing from the living room. Doing a double-take at the kitchen, I sighed deeply and decided to head for the living room.

On the couch I watched as Ma sat covered in a blanket and clutching a cup of steaming tea with a magazine laying in her lap that she seemed to be mindlessly flipping through. Furrowing my brows in confusion, I slowly walked into the room and took a seat across from her in the recliner we'd bought at a local thrift store a few years back.

Ma glanced up at me from her magazine and offered a tired smile. "Hi sweetie," she managed and I eyed her curiously.

"I thought you worked today..." I hinted but Ma shrugged her shoulders and returned her gaze to the magazine staring up at her.

"Called in sick," she answered in a monotone voice and my eyes widened.

Ma _never_ called in sick.

"What's going on?" I began to question in an alarmed voice; the words coming out of my mouth faster than usual. "Is it some kind of fever? Do you need me to make you something? I can heat up some soup? I know it isn't much but you know how I am with cooking. What about a doctor? I can drive you to the doctor's if-"

She smiled warmly and closed the magazine she was looking at to turn her head and face me. "Thank you for the generous offers but I'm just fine, really. I'm not even sick."

I took a much needed breath to relax myself. "Okay... well why did you call in sick if you aren't sick? You clearly aren't playing hooky by the looks of it. Who would waste a perfectly good hooky-day doing...whatever it is you're doing?"

A soft chuckle emitted from her mouth at my comment. "I'm not playing hooky if you must know, Embry."

"Well then what _are_ you doing exactly?" I questioned further which only made Ma shake her head with a smile lining her lips.

"So nosy today, aren't we?" After a few seconds of silence as I waited for her to answer my question, she finally gave me a response. "I'm taking a mental health day if you must know."

I smirked, "Yeah, _okay_," I said with heavy sarcasm but by the look on Ma's face, I quickly realized she wasn't lying. "Wait," I tried again, "that's a real thing?"

Ma sighed and set her mug down on a wooden coaster that sat on the side table next to the couch. "Of course it's a real thing. Mental health is just as important as physical health, Embry."

"I mean, yeah, sure," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. "But why of all people would _you_ need to take one? I thought things were going good now that Joshua was back in town and stuff. You seemed... happy."

"And I _am_ happier, honey, don't get me wrong-"

"Then what's the problem?" I interjected almost angrily, though the anger wasn't directed towards her.

She pressed her lips together in a hard line as if trying to decide how to word what she was going to say to me. After a moment, she relaxed her face and settled with, "It's complicated."

With a roll of my eyes, I pressed her further for more helpful information. "'It's complicated,' really Ma? _That's_ what you're going to give me?"

"You don't need to know about your mother's love life," she simply stated and I shook my head and pushed myself to sit on the edge of the recliner while leaning in towards her.

"Ma. I'm not some kid anymore, okay?" I tried to explain as she sat staring at me blankly. "Hell, I'm not even a _teenager_ anymore. Just because I don't have kids of my own or am married or had much in the way of girlfriends, it doesn't mean that I don't understand how the world works."

Her eyes averted mine and instead focused on her hands which were occupied picking the chipping paint off of her nails. Whatever it was that was wrong, I could see it was really bothering her. If I couldn't help her in any other way, the very least I could do was listen to whatever problems she was dealing with. That had to count for _something_, right?

"C'mon Ma," I tried again in a soft voice, "what's going on?"

Slowly, her eyes looked in my direction though her head remained facing downward. As if to convince herself she could tell me what was on her mind, she took a sharp breath in before spitting out whatever had been weighing on her.

"It's just Joshua," she started and paranoid me wanted to interject and attack him for hurting her once again, but Ma knew better and held out a hand to stop me before I could even start. "And no, Embry, he didn't do _anything_... that's sort of the problem."

I raised a brow and began to lean back into the recliner. "What isn't he doing? Oh god, this isn't a _sex thing, _is it? Because if it is, I thoroughly revoke my offer to listen to your problems."

She offered a small chuckle while shaking her head. "No Embry, it isn't a sex thing. It's just-- I guess I was just kind of hoping he'd give me some kind of clue as to why he left in the first place." Her words were almost full of embarrassment as she spoke; a schoolgirl crush aspect to how she described what she meant. "Not that he owes me an explanation. We sort of told each other not to dwell on the past and just to look at our possible future but..."

It was my turn to think ahead for what she was going to say next. "But it's hard to move onto the future if you don't know why he left in the first place, huh?"

Ma's eyes lit up as though I had finished her sentence exactly as she was planning to before I cut in. "Exactly! I mean, I know that I wasn't his wife like Allison, but I guess," she sighed and smiled to herself. "I guess I thought what we had back then was special enough not to abandon it."

"He's back now though," I countered and she nodded her head though her expression still seemed sad.

"And I'm so happy he is, don't get me wrong," her weak smile fell even further and she sighed deeply. "Only, no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to trust him fully again unless I knew what happened in the first place. And a relationship is built on trust..."

I stared at her as she went back to picking at the chipped nail polish painted on her relatively short nails. Like me, she had a bad habit of picking at them until there were only nubs of nail left on her slender fingers. I'd noticed that she'd started to paint her nails recently however, and I imagined it was in an effort to both quit the picking and also appear... some kind of way to Joshua.

Without realizing I'd gone completely silent when I probably should have responded somehow, Ma spoke up to fill the quiet that was hovering between us. "I know, I know, it sounds pretty stupid, doesn't it? Thinking what Joshua and I had back then was somehow more special than what was between him and his own wife."

Blinking rapidly, her words hit me and I was quick to respond. "It's not stupid, Ma."

"It sure _feels_ stupid. Stupid and naive."

I shook my head and leaned forward again as if my words would hit her differently from this position. "He's back though, Ma. He came back for _you_, certainly not for any of the rest of us. If that doesn't show you that there is something special between the two of you, then... well I don't know."

Ma simply shrugged as though she hadn't heard a single word I said. "I guess... but I'll just never be able to stop thinking I did something wrong all those years ago..."

"You didn't though!" I practically shouted the words at her and she tilted her head up to look at me curiously only to shift her expression to one of pity.

"Oh honey," she cooed, "I know you're trying to help, but you just don't understand. There's no way you could."

I scoffed at her statement, "Ma, it's _you_ who doesn't understand." The words spilled out of me so fast that it took a few seconds after I'd spoke them to realize what I'd said in the first place.

I could see out of the corner of my eye that Ma was watching me in confusion as though the answer to all of her questions was written in blood on my forehead. "What don't I understand, Embry?"

The room began to close in on me and I started to scramble in finding some sort of response that would cover my ass for this recent lapse in judgment. _C'mon, Bry, _I told myself as the gears turned in my head, _you've been in worse positions than this... Remember that time you showed up naked at home because you'd accidentally phased_ _in your clothes? All you did was climb into your room and...and..._

I frowned at my thought process talking to me internally. _And you just let her think that you'd had a girl over. She gave you the silent treatment for almost a week. _Reaching up, I covered my mouth not so I could silence myself, but more in thought at the decision I'd clearly made before I even knew I had.

It had been years. It had been years of constant lying and hiding what I really was in hopes that I'd one day move out and be able to just put all of our arguments and her wild theories behind me. Of course, none of that ever happened. While I wanted to move out and get my own place, it wasn't logical for me and I was always worried about Ma anyway so why _not_ just stay at home?

Now that Joshua was back however, it really changed things. Even if I did leave, Ma would always feel like she did something wrong with Joshua and live in fear that he would once again leave her. She'd also continue to worry about me and my life choices and always think she did something wrong with _me_ because she thought I was some sex-crazed druggie. Ma _deserved_ peace of mind and some kind of explanation behind all that had seemingly gone wrong in her life. What she saw was only part of the story and it was high time she learned the other side.

Reasons or no reasons not to tell her, I had to face my _own_ fears of telling her. Be it now or years from now this was the kind of secret I couldn't just take to the grave.

Ripping me from my thought process, Ma spoke once more; only this time she opted to ask the new question she'd come up with based on my lack of response and mildly confusing statements. "Do you know something? Did Joshua tell you something?"

Trying to find the courage to answer her, I turned my head to look outside at the freshly falling snow that covered our front yard in a blanket of white. My eyes searched passed our yard and into the woods where a sudden idea hit me and my eyes lit up like a hypothetical light bulb floating above my head. 

Pushing myself up from the chair, I turned to start making my way to our front door. "Alright, Ma. Let's do this before I change my mind."

"Do what?" She asked in apparent confusion. "Embry, what are we doing?"

"We're going outside. To the woods more specifically." I reached for her coat which was draped over a dining room chair and tossed it at her as she stood up from the couch.

"Outside? Honey, it's snowing outside-" she tried but I wasn't about to let her win with her 'mom-logic.'

"That's what the coat is for," I retorted with a small grin though Ma wasn't as entertained.

"Embry Call, we are _not_ going outside. It's freezing and-" she watched as I opened the door and began walking outside. The moment I walked into the cold air and started down the stairs of the porch, Ma followed after me. "You don't even have a _coat_, Embry!"

I continued in my trek across the snow; my feet leaving fresh footprints in the untouched white fluff. "Don't need one."

She continued to follow me, asking questions all the way though I didn't give in to answering any of them- at least not yet. Despite her protesting, she followed me deep into the woods until we were unable to be seen; our bodies hidden by the trunks of the thick trees which surrounded us.

Ma ran into me as I stopped suddenly in one of the clearings to turn around and face her. "This should be good..." I muttered more to myself than her.

Crossing her arms tightly over her chest in both anger and an effort to stay warm, she glared up at me. "Good for what? Why are we _out_ here, Embry?"

"I need to tell you something," I started but Ma shook her head while laughing devoid of any humor.

"Tell me something? And you couldn't have told me in our warm living room?" Her tone was escalating in anger but I went on hoping that as I began to explain things she would be more interested in what I had to say than angry.

"It's just really important and-"

She cut me off again, "Important? So important that we had to come outside when it's freezing out and snowing and you aren't even wearing a _jacket_? Have you lost your _mind_?!"

"Would you forget about the jacket, Ma?!" I exclaimed before moving to take a few steps away from her while running a hand through my hair in hopes it would help me organize my thoughts. With a deep breath, I started again in a calm and collected manor. "Do you remember that year you took me to one of the big fires that Billy Black was holding? I must have been about five?"

Taking a moment to think about the memory I was referencing, she slowly nodded her head while trying to put together the puzzle that was jumbled up inside her head with the one piece I'd offered her. "Vaguely, why?"

"It's one of the few memories I have of Sarah Black. I think she made you come to it or something?" I was trying to jog her memory though she seemed to have a hard time placing it.

"Is this part of what you have to tell me?" Ma's voice was softer now, clearly realizing whatever I had to say was fairly important as she had suddenly regained a ton of patience within minutes.

"Very. C'mon Ma, I know you remember it. I was _five_ and I remember," my words were tired as I tried to coax the memory out of her. "Almost everyone was there from the rez and you ended up taking me home early. At the time I figured I'd done something wrong but I'm just now realizing maybe it's because you felt uncomfortable?"

She shook her head still lost with where I was going with this particular story. "I'm sorry, honey. I just don't remember what you're talking about." Turning slightly to look over her shoulder, she attempted yet again to drag me out of my seemingly frantic explanations of things she could care less about. "Why don't we go back to the house and I'll make you some hot cocoa like you like. We can talk about-"

"No," I answered quickly. "We-we have to be out here for this."

Ma sighed in exasperation. "For what, Embry?"

I felt like we were going in circles with this conversation and as much as I hoped she might remember the stories on her own, I supposed it was time to tell her the legends myself. When it came down to it, there was no avoiding that at some point in this conversation I'd have to drop the bomb of who I was- or rather what I became.

"At that bonfire," I went on without hesitation; this time determination in my voice, "Billy talked about the legends of the Quileute tribe. Every few years they do this thing where Billy tells the story of the Quileute ancestors."

"Right..." Ma's voice trailed off and bled into my own as I continued with my story.

"Well Ma, those stories, they're...they're _real_."

I watched her as she shifted her weight between her feet and clutched her coat tightly around her body in an effort to warm herself from the bitter cold we were standing in. "Sure, okay."

"Okay?!" I repeated with excitement and Ma merely shrugged.

"Every tribe has a history, honey. The Makah have their own stories too that I grew up with and-"

Shaking my head rapidly, I stopped her mid-sentence. "I know every tribe has a history but that's not what I'm talking about."

"Then clue me in, would you?" She pleaded and I looked down at my feet and took a deep breath.

"Do you remember ever hearing about the Quileutes descending from wolves?" The words were finally out of my mouth and at that alone I could almost feel some of the weight I'd been carrying for years fall off of my shoulders.

Ma shrugged while looking awkwardly around her as if looking for an invisible being's approval. "Somewhat. You have to know I am not as... well-versed in the legends as you are. I'm not from this tribe, Embry, I told you that."

"I know, I know," I shook off her response and instead went on with the revelation I was working up to. "It's just..." I huffed out the breath I had apparently been holding and forced the legend I'd heard so many times out of my mouth. "A long time ago, so the story goes, there were these spirit warriors and one of them wanted to use his powers and abilities to take over some neighboring tribes and basically just be an all around horrible person."

Watching Ma to gauge a reaction, I seemed to get the okay to continue. While Ma looked like she was following me, I could tell she recognized the story but I figured she must need some kind of refresher seeing as she hadn't stopped me yet.

"The chief at the time, Taha Aki, banished him because he didn't want him using the powers for bad, but that's not the end of the evil dude," a sly smile lined my face as I continued the story. "See, one day, Taha Aki had been doing some spiritual warrior stuff- like looking around to make sure the tribe was safe and all that –so he left his body hiding somewhere."

Ma nodded her head and though she was shivering, I could tell she was engaged with what I was saying. "The bad guy found his body and took it over which left Taha Aki to be a spirit without a body because the guy slit his body's throat or something."

"Embry!" Ma exclaimed in shock at what I'd said.

I rolled my eyes and gave Ma an unenthused look. "Seriously? Still gonna act like I don't know about violence in the world?"

A light hue of red covered her cheeks as she waved me to continue. "Sorry, sorry. Bad habit."

"_Anyway..._" I refocused the story, "Taha Aki kind of just wandered around in spirit form watching this dude destroy the village until he came across this wolf just doing it's thing out in the woods. Seeing the wolf gave him the idea to ask it if they could share a body and when the wolf agreed, Taha Aki ran back to his village and did a bunch of stuff to try and get someone to recognize who he was."

"I take it someone did?" Ma predicted and I grinned while nodding my head.

"Yep. An elder realized the wolf wasn't just a wolf and so he went into the spirit world to communicate with Taha Aki," I paused momentarily both for dramatic effect but also to almost prepare Ma for the second violent part of the story. "And then, the bad guy got all paranoid and killed the elder too."

Ma's brows furrowed in frustration but she didn't interrupt this time which gave me the opportunity to finish the story. "Taha Aki got all kinds of angry and attacked the guy but his emotions were all over the place and the wolf couldn't handle it so he transformed into a human body which was the representation of his spirit and the false chief was killed for what he'd done."

I watched as Ma's mouth opened to ask a question, but I held a hand up to stop her. "And no, I _don't _know what happened to the elder's spirit. I'm sure he was fine."

She closed her mouth and waited for a beat before asking her next question. "So this story... you say it's real?" I could tell she didn't believe the statement, but she seemed willing to try and understand what I was talking about.

"That story," I explained while briefly ignoring her question, "is the story that Billy tells the people of La Push all the time. That's the _public_ story anyway."

"You trying to tell me there's more to that story?" She asked and I nodded my head minimally.

"I mean, yeah. Most people know the basics of the other story, but only a few people in the tribe get to hear it in full. It's kind of... a rite of passage," she could tell I was hinting at something and gave in to the question I was urging her to ask.

"And why exactly were you one of the privileged few?"

This was the moment, the moment I'd feared and waited for basically half of my life. Ever since I'd first phased I'd been afraid of this day's eventual arrival but as I stood in the woods with Ma, I wasn't half as frightened as I'd worked myself up to be. It wasn't like there was turning back and pretending I had nothing to say while hiding who I was. I had made the decision- the time for hiding was over.

"You see, that other story, it pertains to me and a bunch of other people in the tribe." Ma's eyes watched me carefully and I decided to add on and give her some examples so she knew I wasn't alone in what I was about to tell her. "Jake has heard them too. So has Quil. Leah and Seth even..."

"Okay, but Embry, you said these stories were real, yes?" Her expression was that of a seasoned interrogator trying to find the motive behind my actions. "How could any of what you told me be real? That kind of thing... it's-"

"Impossible?" I finished for her and she pursed her lips while taking a breath.

"Exactly. It's just a legend, honey. You can't take stock in a story like that." It was at her words that I realized she still hadn't figured out what I was trying to tell her- in her mind, it was all just some story I believed in and she was merely trying to inform me of the 'truth' like the stories were just some alternative version of the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.

"If it wasn't real," I pushed as if playing devil's advocate, "then why would I go through all the trouble of bringing you out here just to tell it to you?"

She shrugged her shoulders completely lost behind my reasoning. "Honestly I have no clue. I'm sure you're about to tell me though, aren't you?"

Smart as a whip, my Ma. She may not have gone to college like her dream had envisioned, but Ma had always been smarter than most without the extra schooling. When it came to connecting the dots of what I was saying however, she was completely clueless. So, doing exactly what she'd predicted, I told her the reason behind my telling her the origins of the Quileute shape-shifting legend.

However, in true chicken-shit fashion, I backed out at the last second in telling the entirety of my involvement with the story. Instead, I swallowed hard and decided to take a different approach. "I told you all of that because it _is_ real, Ma. Not only is it all real, but it's part of the reason why Joshua left not only Sam and his wife, but you and me as well."

This quieted my Ma almost instantly and I could see the thoughts racing inside her head as she stared at me incredulously. "He... he _told_ you then?" the few words she stuttered out seeming to be the only thing she could bring herself to say.

Glancing down at my feet, I muttered out a single-word answer: "Sorta."

Silence settled between us as the wintry wind picked up to blow around some of the falling snow that drifted down from the sky. Even though I was sure my temperature was the same overly warm number it usually was, I felt chills deep inside of my body at the direction Ma and my conversation had headed.

Yes, it was inevitable, but it didn't make it any less nerve-wracking.

"Sorta. Sorta?" Ma finally repeated my last one-worded statement back to me. "A minute ago you wouldn't stop talking and now that's all you're going to give me? 'Sorta?'"

It was obvious she was frustrated at the lack of information I'd given her and I knew it was time to explain myself a little further. "He didn't, he didn't _need_ to tell me because I figured it out after you told me your story about meeting him for the first time. So I confronted him about it."

Ma's eyes were searching mine in hope that she could somehow understand what I was vaguely telling her by simply inspecting my gaze. "Embry, baby, you have to tell me more than what you're saying. I don't understand..."

With a deep breath, I turned around to face anywhere else but my own Ma when I told her the truth. "Like I said, the legends are _real_, Ma. Every time someone with the shapeshifting gene has a kid, it too gets passed down. It's been like that ever since... well... Taha Aki."

"What are you saying?" Ma asked though I was almost entirely sure she knew what I was insinuating.

I turned to look over my shoulder at where my concerned mother stood seemingly more vulnerable than I'd ever witnessed in my life. Before speaking again, I turned my head back to face the empty woods once more. "Joshua Uley is one of those decedents, Ma. He was born with the gene which means he can, when he wants to, turn into a big 'ol wolf."

Surprisingly, I didn't hear a gasp emit from her mouth. Instead, I heard her scoff and I spun around to face my laughing Ma.

"Oh Embry," she forced herself to say through her laughter, "you don't sincerely believe that, do you? If he told you that, I'm sure Joshua is just pulling your leg."

"He isn't, Ma. He's still phasing and has been phasing since before you two even _met_," I tried to convince her of what I knew to be true but she simply shook her head in disbelief.

"That's ridiculous. Listen to what you're suggesting!" While her laugh softened, I knew she still didn't believe me. "A grown man transforming into a giant wolf? Please..."

"Think about it, Ma," I continued to try though I feared all of this was for nothing. "You said yourself that he doesn't look like he's aged a single day since you both met, right? Well, a part of the side effects of being a shapeshifter is that while you phase, you don't age. Wouldn't that make sense?"

Though she seemed to remain unconvinced, she responded anyway. "Maybe it would make sense in some kind of alternate universe where the supernatural exist, but Embry, those kinds of powers aren't real." Ma walked closer to me and reached up to place a cold hand on my cheek. "You have to know that what you're saying isn't based in reality, right?"

I shook her hand off of my face and began pacing while trying to think up a way to convince her before resorting to the one thing I didn't want to do in front of her: show the proof myself.

"Listen to me, Ma," I could feel my own reserve of patience fading with each attempt at trying to make a believer out of my Ma. I was resilient though, and I wouldn't give up until she knew I was telling the truth. "You have to understand, he left because he didn't want to hurt his family here in La Push because Sam was still so young. It's the same reason why he left you and me even though he'd imprinted on you."

The words flew out of my mouth and it was at Ma's amused expression and next question that I realized I'd mentioned the thing I wanted to ease into rather than spring upon her like I'd just done. "Oh really? He _imprinted_ on me, huh? And what pray tell is that exactly?"

"Basically it's like a soulmate thing," I rushed to explain in hopes that I wouldn't lose the momentum I'd been building. "When you're a shapeshifter something happens, nobody knows how or why, but when they see the person they are supposed to be with and spend life with or whatever, they _imprint_. Everything changes and the world doesn't revolve around the sun anymore it revolves around that person. It's an intense thing, but Joshua had so many emotions about his old life and a future life with us that he fought it. Sort of."

Ma looked at me, her expression unchanged. I could tell she was pretty fed up with the conversation I insisted on having and she began to mock me without saying so. "Sure, Embry," she said without amusement in her voice. "And I'm sure you know all of this because he told you? Or was it someone else who filled your head with all of this supernatural nonsense?"

The moment had finally come. I knew what I had to admit to her and while I'd never imagined it would be like this, it felt good to know that the time had finally come to stop hiding who and what I was. With a deep breath and a tight close of my eyes as if to hide from her ultimate reaction, I blurted out the words I'd imagined saying so many times.

"I know all of this because, well," I clenched my fists at my sides and forced the words out of my mouth. "Because I'm one too."

My words settled between us and hung in the air for a few moments before I peeked an eye open to see Ma watching me with a single raised brow. "You mean to tell me you're one of these... wolf boys too?"

I relaxed my hands at my sides and let out a shaky breath. "Yeah, Ma. I am. I inherited the gene from Joshua and him from his dad and so on and so on."

Ma gave a single nod, "Okay. _Now_ I've heard everything."

"I'm not lying!" I shouted at her in hopes the volume alone would somehow change her already made up mind.

"Honey, I believe you _think _you're not lying- that you truly consider these legends to be truth but-"

I couldn't help but cut her off once more. "No, Ma, they are, okay?" I was desperate; desperate for her to understand where I was coming from and that everything I told her was fact and not fiction like she seemed to think.

"I'm going back to the house. Maybe calling you a therapist," she turned around to walk back where we'd come from but I reached out for her hand and pulled her back to face me once again.

"Just listen to me-" I attempted once more but she looked up at me in anger with a hint of sadness.

"Embry, I don't have _time_ for this!" She exclaimed and tried to shake off my grip on her hand.

"Please, Ma," I was begging now, pleading for her to open her eyes to what I knew was true. "Just _think _about it, okay? The sneaking out, the disappearing, the so-called rebellion... it was all because of this secret. I didn't want you to find out and be afraid of me or angry at me or-or-or stop loving me because I was this giant _thing_ in my spare time. Hell, Harry found out about Seth and Leah and _died_. I didn't want that for you!"

Her expression melted into one of concern and she moved her hand to hold mine gently while giving it a squeeze. "No matter what you believe, even if it is this crazy thing you just told me, I could never stop loving you." I returned her smile and squeezed her hand back but the warm fuzzies quickly disappeared. "Now, let's get you some help, okay?"

This time it was my turn to shake off her hold on me. "I don't _need_ help, Ma," I tried to explain for the last time, "I need you to believe what I'm saying. It's all true, I swear!"

"Alright, Embry," she said softly and while I knew she was simply trying to take a different approach with me, I hoped she was going to at least _pretend _to believe what I was saying so I could try and explain better or differently. "Let's say what you're saying _is_ the truth, okay? Why then would you go to such trouble and hide it? Surely it can't be just from fear of what I would think, I know you."

Swallowing hard, I revealed my reasoning at long last. "Like I said, I can't just get the gene from anyone, which meant what you'd told me my whole life about who my dad was, it couldn't be true. It could only be one of three people."

"I don't get it," she said bluntly and I opted to follow her lead and be blunt as well.

"I've known for a really long time that Joshua might be my father. It was between him, Jake's dad or Quil's. They're the only three options."

Ma chewed on her lip for a moment as if processing what I'd told her only to shake it all off and continue with her disbelief. "So you're saying that you've known this since...?"

"Since I first phased years ago. It was back when I was still in school and you started accusing me of sneaking out to use drugs but _really_ I was phased and doing patrols around the rez." My eyes were wide as I stared at my Ma who was baffled in front of me. It was as if I thought by my eyes alone she could use them like a window to my memories. "You gotta believe me..."

A 'tsk'ing sound came from my Ma just then and she sighed as if she'd just ran a marathon. "Thanks for trying to make me feel better. About everything, really, but this is just too... unbelievable."

That was it.

She didn't believe me. All of that work and explanation and years upon years of worrying that she'd discover my secret were wasted because she'd never accept what I told her was in fact true. I mean, what did I have to say or do in order to get her to believe?

My mind flashed back to the original plan I'd had when I first led her out here to the woods. It was a weird and potentially dangerous plan, sure. Actually, it was incredibly dangerous but also not entirely my plan as I'd technically stolen it from Jake back when he did the same thing to Charlie when Carlie was born. I _could_ simply phase in front of her. After seeing me explode into a giant wolf, it'd be pretty hard to dispute what I'd been telling her all this time.

Just as Ma turned around to head towards our home once more, I called out to her for the last time. "Wait, Ma, I'll-I'll prove it to you."

Intrigued, she turned around now a few feet away from me, and crossed her arms loosely over her chest. "And just how do you expect to 'prove' it to me?"

With a glance around the two of us and a centering breath, I began to take my clothes off awkwardly and toss them aside.

Naturally, laughter soon filled the open woods around us as Ma watched me with clear amusement. "What on Earth are you doing, Embry? Come on now, put your clothes back on."

"Just-just back up, okay?" I warned her and she did as I told despite her clear skepticism at what I was going to show her.

"By all means, honey. If getting almost naked in front of your mother is somehow going to help you get over this crazy-" But the moment I was standing in just my underwear and before she could finish, I shut my eyes to drown her out.

I focused on my body and took deep breaths as my blood began to boil inside my veins. Itching at my insides, I felt the urge to phase slowly overtake me and it was only seconds before I allowed it full access to transform me into the gray spotted wolf I'd taken the form of so many times before.

Once the phase had done what it usually did, I opened my eyes only to see my Ma standing stunned and frozen with her eyes fixated on me. The color had drained completely from her skin and I could see that she had begun to shake in shock and probable disbelief at what she'd just witnessed. Wanting to comfort her the best way possible while in this form, I began to take cautious steps towards her.

It didn't take much longer after that for Ma's eyes to roll back into her head and for her to drop completely limp on the ground.

Panic set in and anyone who was in wolf form at the moment knew exactly what I was thinking as I stared down at my unconscious mother. _Oh my god, _my mind practically screamed, _I killed her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's Song: "Running with the Wolves" - AURORA
> 
> Only one chapter left until this story is complete! Please be sure to come back next week to read the final chapter and, if you wouldn't mind, please leave me a comment so I know what you thought of this chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> If you are interested in the songs that inspired this story both melodically and lyrically, they will be mentioned in each chapter, but there is a playlist I have compiled on Spotify titled, "Cleaning Old Wounds- A FANFICTION PLAYLIST." Check it out. 
> 
> I plan to update on Fridays/Saturdays. There will be 10 chapters total to this story-- please let me know what you think!


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